(Closed) College and marriage? Is it ok to not go away?

posted 9 years ago in College
Post # 74
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

oops, double post

Post # 75
Member
970 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I got engaged the summer before my junior year of college and getting married this summer before my senior year. I enjoyed the college experience. I went away to NYC and Fiance stayed in Texas. It was good for us, i think just to get that alone time to give it some more thought before we got engaged. However, I missed Fiance everyday (still do!) so I mean maybe a semester wouldn’t be so bad. My major doesn’t allow me to transer to another school very easily so once I was here i had to stick it out, but if you are able to transfer without much trouble, I’d say why not go to school away from home? It’s a good experience.

 

Post # 76
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

OP your responses made me cringe because they reminded me of things I used to say with my ex SO when I was 17. I wanted to stay wherever he was and I ended up going to some community college in a program that I hated. We eventually broke up and I felt that I was left without anything because I had put all my focus on him and neglected to make other beneficial relationships with those around me. 

When we broke up, I travelled around New Zealand for 3 months and found myself. I was so happy to put myself out there, meet new people and have new experiences BY MYSELF. When I got back, I met a wonderful man who is now my Fiance. This man encourages me to reach for the stars and is with me the whole way. I’m now following my dream of getting into med school and doing something that means a lot to me. 

Now for the condescending part… I know you’re in love and getting married at a young age, but just because your sisters married early and had babies early and are happy about it, doesn’t mean that you’ll be happy with this lifestyle. You can always change your mind if you don’t like college but if you’re going to be left with “what if” thoughts (especially if you and your Fiance don’t work out… you’re young so it is a possibility) then DO IT. Go to college. Get educated and experience the world out of your comfort zone. It will not only help you grow as a person, but perhaps make you a stronger person in your relationship which can be priceless later on.

Post # 77
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

First and foremost, this is your choice.

 

I’m 24 but when I look back on my 17 year old self… (who was extremely mature) I still had a lot of life experiences and growing up to do.

The person I wanted back then and my Fiance now are complete opposites. 

It might feel like nobody is listening to you and you’re being stubborn.

I have an old best friend, who I’m not friends with anymore. She did exactly what you are telling me you want to do. She didn’t graduate college. She got married and pregnant. When I would come home and see all of our old friends… she had nothing in common with us anymore. She fell into depression because she regretted missing out on college. You can’t take those years back. I feel bad for her decision but that was hers. I told her how I felt and even though she promised me over and over it was what she wanted. 

Your education is something nobody can take away from you. However, a marriage can end in divorce and what will you be left with then? I’m not saying this to hurt your feelings but honestly think about this lifelong commitment. 

Your Mother loves you and wants what is best for you. However, I’m sure she is supporting you because she doesn’t want you to runaway and elope. 

 

50% of marriages end in divorce. Super high statistics. The #1 reason for divorce is financial reasons. 

Without a career, how are you going to support yourselves? What is your fiance doing career-wise? His career choices will affect how your life is lived. 

I wish you the best of luck. Think about all your options and speak with your friends. I think you need some clarity to truly think about this. 

 

 

Post # 84
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

I went to a community college for the first 2 years because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do and it was cheaper to figure it out there. So I lived at home. Then I went away to college. I learned so much about myself and I met some of the best friends that I have ever had. And I wouldn’t have met them if I hadn’t gone away. Actually I wouldn’t have met my SO if I hadn’t because I met him through my roomie. ๐Ÿ™‚

The memories I have from my time away at college are memories that I will always remember fondly.

Also with your cake analogy, the one cake you have had and you know you love, but the other cake is one you only think you know. You haven’t actually had the chance to have it. So how do you know it is one that you could live without? It could be really good and one you look back fondly at and say “Yea, I really enjoyed getting the opportunity to eat that cake.” ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 85
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I feel like, even though you are asking for advice, you are getting defensive when someone says something you don’t want to hear or don’t agree with. 

I know for a FACT that if I had married the person I was with when I was 17, I would be living a miserable life. I am not for divorce either, but I’m sure that’s where we would have ended up. Yes, I am a Christian, and so was he, but that doesn’t make a difference. You haven’t liked when other people have said it previously, but I will say it again. YOU WILL CHANGE SO MUCH IN THE NEXT 5-6 YEARS. Live your life – if you and your BF are meant to be together – spending some time apart will only strengthen your relationship. 

I went to college and don’t regret it for a second. I learned SO MUCH about myself, the world, and how to respond to different situations after being out on my own. 

I am now 27 and getting married next month. Had I met my Fiance in high school or even early college, I don’t know that I would be with him now because I am a different person now. I grew up a lot in my college years.

My advice? Go to college and live your life!!! Like a PP said, if you won’t listen to our advice (which you asked for), at least respect your mom’s advice.

Post # 88
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

sweetheart, I am 21 years old and getting married and I’m sure many people think even I am too young. I know how you feel when you think you know yourself so well and how you feel about your SO will never change, but things really do change after high school. I was with my highschool sweetheart for 3 and 1/2 years and I just KNEW he was the one for me. We even got engaged in February of my senior year. However, by June (the month after I graduated) we were broken up. Even in that little bit of time what we wanted changed drastically and now I am SO glad that I did not marry that boy. We were both still kids then. I have done alot of growing up since then and like I said, I’m still quite young. I’m not saying that your relationship is doomed or that you’ll end up like me and my ex did, but please do yourself a favor and let yourself grow up just a little bit more before commiting yourself to someone for life. There is no harm in waiting a little while to get married when you’re supposed to be together forever, but there is ALOT of harm in getting married immediately when you’re not supposed to be together forever.

 

No matter what you choose though, I wish you the most of luck.

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