College proposals and musician life?

posted 2 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 2
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

My husband and I are both musicians. He is an active freelance performer, I no longer perform but drive a lot to teach. We’re not jazz kids, but it’s a similar nightly schedule, with 7:30-10:00pm rehearsals and concerts. My husband got his Master’s in Performance and started on a certificate 3 hours away in another state, so we were long-distance for about 5 years.

We waited to get married until we could live together. For us, there wasn’t any sense in getting married if we only saw each other once or twice a month. Starting marriage like that didn’t feel good.

Also, if you’re going to have a bigger wedding (we chose courthouse), you’ll probably need to save for that. Getting engaged isn’t really a big deal, unless you want to be married within a year of engagement. 

Having different shifts and weekends taken up by gigs, we have date nights in on week days, or we do something during the day (cider mill, lunch, zoo). I’m self-employed, so it’s a relatively easy work-around. A good idea is to go see him play. Musicians support each other by being in the audience, meeting each other, networking, and going out afterwards. This will show you support him and want to be involved in his life. You’ll likely be making a lot more money than him, so being there when you can will help your future together.

Post # 3
3841 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

eam438 :  My husband and I are college sweethearts (freshman year) and he’s a musician, but that is not his career.  We got engaged after we both finished grad school.  I would wait.  I personally don’t see the point in getting engaged unless you’re ready to be married (we had a 1.5 year engagement, but that is typical where we live) and I think it’s important to be done with school and establish a career before marriage, but that’s just my opinion.  None of my music major friends are working as musicians full-time either and that has caused them a lot of anxiety.  It’s a rough career path. 

Post # 4
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

eam438 :  I think if you’re asking on a forum for people to rate your relationship’s maturity level, that you might not be ready for the next step of engagement. You need to feel comfortable in the level of your relationship yourself. That confidence will come naturally with time, and will only strengthen your relationship. 

Secondly, I agree with a PP that I was in a similar situation with being in an LDR, and I didn’t see the point in getting married while apart so much. I told my husband I wasn’t willing to be a long-distance wife, and I think it would have made marriage harder. We did get engaged while still long distance though. 

Post # 5
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Why does it matter what strangers on the internet think of your maturity level? 

I think it is pointless to get engaged when you are ready to consider getting married.  If i’m being honest it comes across as very immature, to me, to view engagement alone as a next step not considering when marriage will even be on the table. 

Post # 6
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My husband and I both met as music students in college and are both professional musicians now (he is a jazz musician and has his masters in jazz composition) so I know your situation well. Let me tell you, the musician schedule will not get easier, it will get more complicated the deeper he get’s into his career and I have seen that schedule become too much for many people’s relationships.  Long nights out at jam sessions, sometimes weeks or months on the road touring, networking every single night and weekend and very rarely do my husband and I get to go to gatherings or events together because we are rehearsing or performing in different places. It’s tough becuase sometimes it feels like the world never gets to see us together. My husband and I got together freshman year of college and did not get married until we were 26 (we are now 31), and I’m really glad about that ultimately. It was good that we had several years living together and really learning what our (crazy) life schedule would be like and learn to keep our relationship healthy through it. I definitely think we were mature enough to get married earlier, but I’m glad we had our early 20’s to totally focus on our careers and musicianship and get situated financially and professionally before entering marriage. Good luck to you both! 

Post # 9
6663 posts
Bee Keeper

eam438 :  You are both quite young and you have time to work through education and career options to better learn if your goals are compatible.

Musician life can rely upon contacts and relationships. If you believe your career may require a move (or two) I’d wait until you are both in a place where you can prioritize one person’s career over another at different points and make informed decisions about moving around and if that can even work for both of you in a marriage. Because if it doesn’t, you are not marriage-compatible. Live together if you like, and enjoy the relationship you have now, while you decide if your future careers and goals are compatible. 

Post # 14
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Iowa

eam438 :  do whatever feels right for you guys! My fiance & I got engaged this past April, he’s 21 & I’m 20. We’re both in college, I’m currently supposed to graduate fall 2020 and he will most likely graduate in fall 2021 (he switched his program, graduated with an AAS degree and the decided to pursue his BA as well so it’s taking him longer than expected) I’ve always wanted a longer engagement so being engaged in college made sense to both of us and felt right for our relationship, were currently shooting for a June 2021 wedding so I’ll have just finished student teaching and he’ll have 1 semester left of school. That’s being said, we have also been together for 3+ years and lived together for over a year already along with having two pets together so our relationships are at somewhat different points, but it really comes down to what you guys feel is best for your relationship! Being engaged in college is not uncommon, I know several others who are. There’s a girl who I have quite a few classes with who got engaged before me and still has no idea when they’re gonna get married and that’s completely okay! Having long engagements are not a bad thing and pretty common these days. If it something both of you want I say go for it.

Post # 15
34 posts

 I think everyone couple is different, and that you should get engaged when it feels right. I got engaged about 2 months ago, and I am graduating with a BA this November and with my MAT in November 2020. My fiance graduated in May and is now working full-time. I’m 21, and he’s 23. We felt that it was the right time to do this, and we wanted to be married in summer of 2020. Other circumstances played into to, like my family moving 4 hours away, and I did not want to move 4 hours away after I graduated. There is no set timeline for a couple to get engaged. My parents got engaged and married while still in college, and they will celebrate their 28th wedding anniversary this Decemeber. Just do what ever feels right and works best for y’all! Best of luck!

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