(Closed) Combing shower and wedding thank you's

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you be offended if you received a thank you for both a wedding and shower gift in one card?

    Yes I would be offended if I only recived one thank you card

    No I would not be offended if I only received one thank you card

  • Post # 17
    Member
    784 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @AGTbee:  I personally wouldn’t be offended, but it just seems lazy to only send one.  This would be an excellent time to recruit your husband into writing some of them since he is enjoying the gifts and money, and he destroyed many of them.

    Post # 18
    Member
    4766 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I did mine together.  My shower was the day before the wedding, what do you people want from me?

    Post # 19
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Wow – I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more strongly, the urge to respond to a post. I’m HUGE on writing thank yous in a timely fashion.  I’m the chick that get’s home from Christmas on the 27th and starts writing out thank you notes immediately.  I think it is extremely important to show people you are thankful for their efforts and time.

    With that said, I cannot believe that bees are upset over the OP NOT sending out two separate thank you cards.  Honestly.  WTF is wrong with everyone?  It’s one thing if the shower and wedding are months apart but if it’s only 1 month apart?

    If you are thankful and expressing THANKS FOR BOTH GIFTS why does it matter that each one came with their own separate postage?  To be thankful is to be thankful and to express that thanks is GOOD ENOUGH!  Do you really need TWO pieces of mail to be convinced that the bride and groom are thanking you enough?

    I’m really confused by this.

    Sample:  

    “Dear Aunt Elaine,

    I can’t tell you how much it meant for me that you flew in for both my shower and the wedding.  I know you guys spent a lot of time and money just getting into town let alone for the two amazing gifts you got us.  I can’t believe you were generous enough to get us the KitchenAid mixer, it’s a gift I will use for a lifetime and I’ll make sure to send extra treats your way when you come home for Christmas next year!  In addition to your shower gift I have to say that Groom and I are extremely grateful for the monetary gift you gave to help us start our new lives together as husband and wife!  We can’t tell you how much having you here with us to celebrate both occassions meant to us. Thank you so much!”

    There.  See how easy it was.  Still want to call me a lazy, ungrateful bride?  Go ahead.  I really don’t care.  It can be done.

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    View original reply
    @Horseradish:  What if she thanks them for both gifts in the same card?

    Then they’re being thanked twice.  Does it really matter if each thanks comes with their own postage?

    Post # 22
    Member
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I woukdnt be offended but I think it’s rude. Your shower thank yous should have gone out long before the wedding. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    View original reply
    @MrsWBS:  +1 This is actually true.

    I don’t think combining shower/wedding gift thank yous is rude, per se.  Especially when they are less than 30 days apart.  But I do think those shower thank yous are long overdue.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I get the sense that some Bees are just really, really tired of hearing about how busy newlyweds are, especially when that excuse only seems to ever get trotted out when it comes time to send thank-yous.  (“I’m too busy to get to the bank during business hours to deposit all these checks!” wrote no Bee ever.) Many Bees who took the effort to get those gifts in on time and took care to select separate gifts for separate events like bachelorettes, showers, etc. work a lot of hours too.

    Post # 25
    Member
    7610 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @MarriedToMyWork:  This exactly…

    Post # 26
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @AGTbee:  With complete respect – If your demanding job allows you to plan a wedding and attend a shower – it allows you the time to write thank yous.

    I do not believe combining shower/wedding thank yous are rude when the events take place within 30 days of each other but I do think it’s incredibly assuming and rude to think your time is more limited than everyone elses.  Sure – maybe you have less time than some others but if you can attend a shower for a few hours then I’m sure you have time during your week to send thank yous in a timely fashion.

    Post # 27
    Member
    47449 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @skippydarling:  Let’s not make up feelings that don’t exist. I doubt there is a single Bee who is “upset”. No one is going to lose sleep tonight over this issue.

    The OP asked for opinions and she is getting them.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    View original reply
    @julies1949:  Ok.  Whatever.  My mistake.

    Post # 29
    Member
    708 posts
    Busy bee

    When the time excuses start creeping up, I have to remind myself that if I had taken the time it takes to do __________, it would have taken less time.

    In this case, it sounds like there was significant time invested in cards that never went out. Now you’re facing having to duplicate those efforts again, and that sucks, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t time. The more it’s put off, though, the longer it will take to complete.

    If a combined card is the best you can do, then that’s that. Not ideal but better than nothing!

    Post # 30
    Member
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @AGTbee:  I think given that your wedding has already passed, it’s fine! Ideally the original thank yous for the shower gifts would have been sent before the wedding but that ship has sailed and there’s no use crying over spilt beer! It’s a little silly to send two thank yous to the same people at once, so may as well combine them. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    451 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    View original reply
    @skippydarling:  +1

    I too am a huge proponent of timely thank-you notes, but I don’t at all see the problem with combing the thank you notes at this point, especially with such a considerate and gracious type of note as skippy has suggested.

    What I do find offensive is the OP’s B.S. excuse about being “too busy.” Your “demanding job” and “lots of hours” shouldn’t even come into the conversation. Don’t you realize that almost everyone who gave you a gift probably put more time into choosing and presenting their generous gift than the time it would take you to write the note? Especially when you also consider the time it took them to earn the money they used to buy your gift? While you may not be selfish and entitled, your post certainly comes off that way.

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