Post # 1
Hello ladies, I have an etiquette question . . .
My bridal shower was 3 days prior to my wedding in the USA, so I did not have time to write bridal shower thank-you notes prior to the wedding. After getting married, Fiance and I moved in together (in the UK) and I started a new job (it’s been hectic to say the least!). I’m now getting the thank-yous done . . . and in one particular situation, there was a group of 3 ladies who attended my bridal shower and wedding and gave group gifts each time.
As such, I am thinking that I should send 6 international thank-you notes (two to each lady) for the bridal shower group gift and the wedding group gift that they gave.
My etiquette instinct is telling me to just go ahead and send 2 notes to each of the ladies . . . but part of me wants to send them each one note thanking them for both gifts.
What would you do? As a gift-giver, what would you prefer to receive?
Post # 3
I personally would send two different notes.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You should send two separate notes to each woman.
ETA: you could maybe stick both notes in one larger envelope to save in postage.
Post # 5
If its personalized, like you write it out and specifically thank them for both in the card, I don’t see the issue with getting one card. As a receiver of the thank you, I wouldn’t care. As long as you personalized it and thanked them for each in the card.
Post # 6
They went and purchased gifts for 2 different events. I think the least you can do it thank them for each.
I like the PP idea of putting the two notes in a larger envelope to save on postage.
Post # 7
My first thought was send two in one envelope, but if I received that, I would think how silly, they could have sent just one, a thank you is a thank you. However, if it’s more appropriate to send two in your family or circle then just send two.
Post # 8
I just wanted to follow up on this now that I’ve sent out most of the cards . . . . My conclusion is that I should have sent only one card to each woman gift giver, and perhaps in the cases where the gift was a bit intimate (e.g., lingerie), should have just added a hand-written note folded inside the card with her name on it.
My reasoning behind this is that in a few cases, the bridal shower thank-you card did not arrive on the same day as the wedding card, and I got a few emails from people wanting to know if both gifts had been received . . . . to which I had to respond, “yes, and your other thank-you card is in the mail” which was a bit awkward.
Mailing two separate cards in one envelope is something I looked into . . . but in all honesty I felt funny doing it that way because as pp stated if you’re going to mail it in the same envelope you might as well just use one card.
So . . . that’s that!
Post # 9
I’m pretty particular about thank you notes, but in this case, I’d send each lady one note thanking her for both gifts. If I received two notes right on top of each other, it might adhere to formal etiquette in some ways, but I would think it fails in the spirit of etiquette by making it look pro forma. If, on the other hand, you can write to each lady a nice note thanking her for contributing to both gifts, I think it comes off as more sincere. Perhaps use bigger notes than the standard and put a little more into each note.
Post # 10
My in-laws threw a bridal shower for me the night before my wedding. Men were not invited, (DH was banished to a large tent in the yards, with his dad & uncles… even though it was raining pretty well by that time in the evening) but pretty much every female relative (from both the IL side and my side) and several family friends were invited and attended.
I sent two thank you notes because:
- the shower gifts were from just the women, the wedding gifts were (typically) from the couple
- the shower gifts were addressed to just me, the wedding gifts were addressed to both me and my husband
In order to prevent feelings of “redundancy” I used different cards for the bridal shower thank yous. (They were flat cards with a photo of a bridal gown and bouquet. Cute, but Darling Husband was never going to OK them for anything he was writing or signing!) The wedding gift thank yous were more formal, ecru cotton paper with our last initial engraved on them.
I paid extra postage, but these people took the time to attend two events and gave two gifts – they were worth the extra stamp!
International postage is, of course more expensive; but I’d still send two notes. If you’re concerned about the costs adding up, you COULD write all of your notes, put all of the notes – in addressed envelopes – in a package that you mail to a trusted friend or relative, along with a check (or electronic transfer) for the amopunt of US postage. Your relative could head to the post office, buy the postage, stamp your letters and mail them for you. (I’d happily do the post office trip for my closest friends, but it would be a bit of work…)