(Closed) Combining finances?

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Fiance and I will have been living together for two years by the time we marry. A year and a half of that was in our own home. We chose to have a joint banking account and pool all of our expenses. It works for us but I am a firm believer that every couple needs to find their own way. A coworker of mine does exactly what you are talking about by contributing a portion of their incomes to joint expenses and it works really well for them. I think finances are important and you are justified in wanting to work this out before you walk down the aisle in order to avoid problems later. Are you two doing any pre-marital counseling? I know we will be covering finances in ours. Perhaps having a third party there to mediate would help you two work out a solution? Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Maybe look into pre-marital counseling? Getting married in the catholic church we are required to take a class and a compatibility test that goes over all these “touchy” subjects. i think its very beneficial because a mediator is involved.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We have separate checking/savings account and one joint “home” checking account. Each pay period (monthly for him, bi-weekly for me), we each have a predetermined amount of $ directly deposited into the “home fund”. We make about the same salary per year, so we deposit the same amount. This amount is enough to cover mortgage, HOA fees, home insurance, gas, cable, heat, etc. and also have a bit left over each month for savings to use in case of home-related expenses.

The remaining pay is our money to use to pay our own bills and spend as we like, and we each also save a portion to our savings accounts. My savings is the designated “big savings” fund, so wedding $ gifts and other random checks we might get go into my account.

Post # 6
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s okay for couples to have a wide range of arrangements regarding how separate or joint they keep their accounts.

But if he’s making you chase him down for rent payments, causing you to bounce the rent check at times then that’s not a good arrangement.  You definitely need to change the system you’re using.  Is it a trust issue that goes deeper?  Too lazy to open new accounts?  He hasn’t seen the problems with the current arrangement?

Getting a counselor or neutral third party to help you find an arrangement is helpful, or maybe one of those discussion checklists or guides about what financial decisions you need to make and discussions you need to have prior to getting married.

Post # 7
Member
14 posts
Newbee

We are got a joint account last night and will continue to keep our own.  Over all be both believe once we’er married the money will be ‘our’ money not his and hers.

Good luck with this, more open discussions are a great idea 🙂

Post # 8
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

What you are saying is exactly what we do.  We each have our own accounts and then we have an “our” account.  A % that is fair to what we each make is automatically deposited into the our account and that is used for rent, bills, sometimes when we go out to dinner, groceries, those types of things.  When I need a new pair of shoes or he needs a new video game – they are coming out of our own accounts.  We have been doing this for almost 3 years now since we moved in together and it really works out for us.

Post # 9
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

There are so many ways to combine/seperate finances after marriage.  But I do think it’s odd that he is SO against combining income to any extend (a home fund would seem to be a good compromise).

For us, because we have joint bills (gas, electricity, cable, cell phones, etc) and he has the morgage it’s easier for us to have all of our income go into one account and do everything out of that.  We will keep our credit cards seperate, car loans, and house loans seperate in name.  But the payment of those will come out of our joint fund.  I just think that sharing money/financial responsibility is a huge part of marriage both the good and the bad. 

I would talk to him and discuss his worries with combined incomes 🙂

Good Luck!

Post # 11
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We don’t have a joint account yet, but we’ve no real distinction between his and my money. If either of us have money, then we consider that it’s our money, so to speak. Will have to set up a joint account soon, will be easier! I’ve been putting it off because it’s a bit of a pain moving all the direct debits and standing orders, but that’s just laziness really!

Post # 13
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Would it work better then for you to take on a mixture of smaller bills, and leave him with the rent? Would that work? I mean if the rent costs X, then he pay that each month, and you pay bills totalling X as they come in at various dates in the month? It concerns me that he clearly isn’t seeing, or thinks it ok, that this is stressing you out.

 

Post # 14
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it is much easier to combine finances and to me that is part of being married, but if your husband wants to keep them seperate I think one joint ‘home expenses’ account is the best way to go.  But you both have to be putting in the same percentage of your monthly salary to keep it fair and then you have to have a plan for bigger purchases. Otherwise you can figure out your monthly percentage monetary input and seperate the bills to equal about that amount each.  A better option might be to just keep minimal ‘fun money’ in your own accounts and keep savings accouts in your own name and then contribute a high percentage of your income into a joint account.

Post # 15
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We have a joint account for most things and we each have a separate account for our ‘own’ money/investments. We deposit a set %into our joint savings every month, and a set % into our joint checkings bi-weekly. Everything else is our ‘own.’

That being said, right now I am a SAHM/starving artist, so I don’t really contribute as much as I feel I should % wise (and thusly our situation is different from yours).

I think you should definitely address the fact that you have bounced cheques before because of the arrangement. I’m not sure if he realizes this or not but bounced cheques can reflect on your credit rating, and when you’re married your spouse’s credit rating reflects on yours, so if say you go to get approved for a mortgage and they look at your partner’s credit rating & income and go “great!” then they look at yours and suppose it’s not as awesome it could cause problems with getting financing, or it could make the % of your down payment go up (happened to a friend, b/c she had no credit/’poor’ credit, they had to fork over 33% rather than 10%).

now, this may not be exactly the way it goes for you, but it’s definitely a concern, because if the system doesn’t work for one of you it should be tweaked — it should work for both of you all the time.

 

Post # 16
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My man and I have one joint bank account. We have both of our paychecks deposited into the account and we pay for EVERYTHING from it. We don’t split anything per-se. We just buy what we need and if there is a big purchase we consult each other first. Basically we have bills come out automatically every month…remainder goes into our savings. If I want to buy a new purse, shoes, camera etc. I consult with Fiance first and we usually take turns buying these things from our joint savings.

We started doing things this way after we moved in together and he was away for work sometimes for a long period (I couldn’t track him down for rent etc. otherwise). At first we were both a little hesitant, but then we realized the perks. Especially since we’ve been engaged we’ve adopted the policy that it’s “our” money not “mine,” ‘his,” or “hers.” Things just seemed more simple for us this way considering once we’re married most things will be in out joint name anyway.

Try looking at what the advantages of a joint bank account in your specific situation might be. As you said it would help to have your bills paid on time. Maybe suggest that you think it’s best so that you don’t mark your credit if a payment is missed or not paid on time. Also suggest to him that it might help ease you into married life considering I’m assuming you’ll be filing for taxes together once your married. Joining finances now will help you both learn about fairness, respect, and trust as well. Just some angles to think about.

I think you are completely justified to want to share finances, so I’m sure if you can stay calm (and maybe try to approach it from an angle that he likes?) then you’ll be able to work this out.

 

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