(Closed) Combining Money?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
240 posts
Helper bee

As a compromise, you could have a joint bank account and each depost x amount per month for shared expenses only, and still keep personal accounts for individual expenses. Start slow. Then you both have a copy of the debit card so one of you is paying but it’s really both of your money. This also helps with the trust issue because then if say something were to happen the other is only out that month’s expenses. Although I doubt that would happen, it’s a good exercise to build trust 🙂 

Post # 4
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@EyeLoveKitties:  I was going to suggest the same thing.

You could both put in some money each month to pay for joint expenses like rent, utilities, internet and couple activities. If he’s worried about accountability (nothing wrong with that) you could agree to only use this account when you are together.

Post # 5
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

That’s a sticky situation! Maybe baby steps? Speaking of baby if you do ever decide on having kids, will it be 50/50 split in diapers? That’s a hard way of living. Sounds more like roommates than lovers. And yes I would be upset if he never spent money on me and took me out on a date, especially if you have for him. That’s just plain selfish. 

Post # 6
10632 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

What about a CC that you guys only use for things that you would typically split?  When it comes time to pay it, you can each pay half.

Post # 7
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ersa0501:  my Fiance ame I keep seperat3 accounts. Like you guys, we split the major bills and have a joint savings account that we use for the wedding account/trips we do that we each out into each paycheck. we also have joint and separate credit cards… So in our case it works out. When we get a house we will probably open another joint account for all house related bills and keep a joint savings as well

Post # 8
5656 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@AB Bride:  +1

im with other bees that you get a joint account that you each contribute to for joint bills and expenditures. And maybe even a savings acct you both contribute an amount to. If you are getting married there are definitely going to be things you both have to contribute to. If things change later comfort level wise for each of you then great you can adjust at that point. 

Post # 9
1211 posts
Bumble bee

I say maybe take it slow. We have been together 5.5 years, living together 4.5 years and have seperate finances. We just try to talk about money division. We pay own cell bills. He pays Internet and I pay hydro. Those are our only 2 utilities so it’s easy. And it’s that way because we happen to be the name on the allocated account at the time it was set up. We split rent 50/50. We used to each pull out cash and one of us would deliver it. Since we moved we pay by cheque at our new place. He gets paid days after I do so when he gets paid he just gives me cash that I deposit to my account and I write a cheque. We used to just randomly buy groceries and whoever had money on them paid, but I buy groceries differently now because I’m into couponing. So we picked a set amount that he gives me every month as his contribution towards household stuff. Food, furniture, art, etc. Then I go shopping with my credit card and use the money he gives to help pay off the charge. We save soooooo much money this way. Any large purchases that I feel should be discussed and share cost of we talk about. I’ll totally drop $200 on egyptian cotton sheets for our bed and never even think to mention it because he doesn’t care. But I’ll sit him down and talk with him if I want us to get a new mattress.

Sorry, my point is that it’s an EVOLUTION even 6 years in. Im VERY hands on in the running of the household and he’s just happy to follow my lead. So he hands over some cash so that I don’t feel like I’m the only one paying for our home (since im the one that shops 😀 ) and then pretty much gives me free reign of everything. Sheesh I love my man, lol.

Post # 10
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You are going to hear both sides of the story in the replies here… and it is no secret when it comes to money & finances that people can be very possessive etc.

Part of the reason why money & finances is no doubt a big cause of marital discord and even divorce.

As an Older Bee (over 50) I will tell you what I have learned thru having a 20+ year marriage

I got married in the 1980s.  My Ex and I were both in our early 20s.  We were fresh faced Uni Grads, and had NO ASSETS and made identical salaries.

We had established a history of while Dating as students to share everything 50/50… so if the bill was $ 60, we both ponied up $ 30.

After we got married, we continued in this vein.  We went 50/50 on EVERYTHING.  We kept our money seperate, and sat down regularly to compare bills… and then paid the other what was owed.

It worked extremely well while we were Dating, and Newlyweds.

It didn’t work so well when we had a Family

Having a Family and I being the Mom meant my earnings went up and down (Mat Leave)… as well my Hubby was doing especially well in his career…

No Surprise… we always knew he had better earning potential than I did as he had an Engineering Degree.

Over time, I was falling farther and farther behind in our agreed upon financial plan.  I was stll able to keep up my 50% of the bargain, but I had virtually NO OTHER MONEY FOR ME… while My Ex had loads of money at his disposal as he made more than me to begin with.

And most importantly… he was saving for HIS Future and not so much for MINE.  I had very little in the column marked Retirement where he had lots.  And his “story” was that that was ok, because he was saving for both of us.

Anyhow… long story short… after 20+ years of marriage, we broke up.  And I filed for Divorce.  That is when I learned that my definition of 50/50 and the courts can be vastly different.

In writing, it says that upon Divorce that the assets will be equally divided… BUT

That only works IF there are assets to divide !!

My Ex Hubby knowing that Divorce was in the works, had managed to make all his savings disappear (took them off-shore) as he was determined not to share his now very large Retirement Egg with me.

He strongly felt that it was HIS MONEY.  Infact he told the courts time and time again, that ALL the money that he brought into the relationship was HIS MONEY… and that I had my own MONEY… too bad if I had spent it (lol, ya I spent it to live, keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and our kids in clothes etc).

The difference was… that at the end of the day… that was ALL THE MONEY I had… whereas he had soooo much more than what he spent on living expenses.

His philosophy was I came into the Marriage with Nothing (lol so did he) so he was going to make sure I left the same way !!

So needless to say, my Divorce was a very very nasty one.  And my Ex a pr!ck about it all… so for awhile I was “virtually homeless” and it took me eons and tons of money to finally get some sort of settlement out of him via the court system (in total I count up over $ 100 K that I somehow spent or lost in the process).

What I learned was…

50/50 or Percentages (ie 2/3 + 1/3 where someone makes 2x as much as the other) may work fine when Dating…

Infact I strongly state that couples should adhere to that Rule.

Doesn’t work once you are in a far more committed situation such as Marriage… more so if you plan to have & raise kids.

I now subscribe to the belief that when it comes to a Marriage, it should be a state where two people get together in Partnership.  An ALL IN situation… People bringing to the Marriage their ALL… Skills, Talents, and Money !!

So instead of dividing up the Expenses 50/50… that they divide up the Income 50/50… in what I call the A to L Method.  Based on something that I saw on the Tv show Til Debt Do Us Part.

In this way, BOTH partners have the same stake in the Relationship & the Finances… NOW and for the Future.

If my First Marriage had had such a model in place, I can assure you that things would have turned out a whole lot better for me… and My Ex wouldn’t have been quite so keen to drag me thru court, as he wouldn’t be hiding / protecting his assets quite the same (Courts have more power when it comes to ceasing things like the Marital Home and forcing the sale, than they do things like CASH that they cannot find)

I’ve written about this philosophy several times in the past here on WBee…  you can find one such post here (Reply # 3)


Hope this helps,


Post # 11
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am a big believer in joint finances. For this reason, when ur married or even engaged living together…. The other person s finance s have a HUGE impact on you. If he’s poor your going to feel it and if he’s rich ur gonna feel it. So you mine as well have a say with what goes on. Not to mention how much communication and trust you gain from working together on money. It impacts just about every area of your life. 

I lived with dh for three years before we got married and we tried and discussed every method. I have student loans so we tried so hard to come up with a fair method of dealing  with it until we finally just gave up and said w.e let’s just go joint because its easier to deal with. It changed everything. We learned to communicate better because we did not have a choice. We couldn’t hide anything we had to be upfront and honest. I realized that the only fair way is to be selfless and work together. Your different people together for a reason. His stupid spending habits.. I need that. I need him telling me its okay to spend some money and my saver responsible money habits… He needs that too because otherwise he’d spend every dollar he made. 

Go joint and learn to trust each other, put the hurt you’ve had in the past behind you and put your money together. Because remember your strongest when your together. You won’t regret it. Just remember to work together.

Post # 12
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My DH and I have a joint CC for household expenses, but otherwise keep separate accounts.  This avoids awkwardness when we go out to dinner and such and who should pay for which groceries.  We each pay a percentage of the bill based on our income.

Post # 13
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@ersa0501:  we waited until we were married and created a new account with wedding money and our paychecks. All bills are paid out of that account. We each have a non-joined credit card that we put everything on. So DH sees I paid $600 to visa, but does not get to judge my individual purchases. It works great for us– when we kept them separate it caused stress over who should pay for groceries or dinner.  Now it is much simplier.

Post # 14
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@This Time Round:  Your advice is always so good!


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@ersa0501:  My Fi and I ended up getting a joint account to resolve arguments over 50 50 splits on household expenses. So, we do the 50, 50 contribution to that account which covers all household expenses and dates. We just got a joint savings account for the wedding. Maybe this is a good starting point? All our other finances are separate. But, I know this will absolutely change after marriage and especially when we have children, in line with @This Time Round’s advice. Not because I think it will all go pear shaped, but because, financially, we’ll be operating as a small business, and its smarter to bank and pay as such.

Post # 15
6109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ersa0501:  I think it’s time to discuss how you two are going to do money in the future, like when you’re married, what if you have kids, when one of you is sick and bedridden, when you retire.  Look at the big picture – look down the road 10, 20, 30 years from now. 

This little 50/50 plan probably won’t work in the long run.  I believe joining money aims for a greater good than doing it alone/separately.  Talking about money, planning money all create a different level of intimacy.

So if he won’t merge money now, have that talk about the figure and what he thinks married money will look like.

Post # 16
8146 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

We have two joint bank accounts, a savings and checking. He deposits into checking for mortgage and bills and I deposit into savings. We consider both “our” money but it’s easier for our direct deposit at work. 🙂

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