(Closed) Coming Clean to Fiancee… is there any point? (bit long..)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I come clean before the wedding?
    Yes : (199 votes)
    28 %
    No : (500 votes)
    72 %
  • Post # 3
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    You are going to get a very split vote on this I suspect.

    I say no.

    You will do no one any good to tell him, other than relieve your own conscience. Its been 4 years and as long as you have never even come close to cheating again keep it to yourself. Telling him will only hurt him and your relationship at this point. Its been a long time.

    Ask yourself, “what good will come of it at this point?” “What will it change?”

    If I were your fiance, I would not want to know at this point. To know would only make him question the relationship and where you are going. And if you truley are repentent and it was a real accident, move on.

    Post # 4
    3520 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think that your fi deserves the truth, and that as an added “plus” it will make you feel better to get it off your chest.

    I think that if the past 4 years have been completely clean and wonderful, that is a testament to how bad of a place you were in when you slipped.

    Good luck with this very difficult decision.

    Post # 5
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t think you should tell him. 

    Post # 7
    3368 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    (ETA) I’m doing something I haven’t done before on these boards.  I’m changing my vote.  I’m quick to have a zero tolerance policy on admitting to cheating (forgiveness or staying is up to the individual), but after thinking more about it, I think the timing in your case weighs heavily.  It was at the beginning, it’s been 5 years, it’s not a pattern~ don’t tell him.  Forgive yourself and enjoy your life together.

    Post # 8
    46420 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It was right at the beginning of your relationship. Forgive yourself and keep it to yourself.

    I cannot imagine any scenario in which disclosure would work well for this relationship.

    Post # 9
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    This is really a tough one.  I feel for you.  I don’t know what to suggest. PPs have made good arguments for both choices.   Perhaps you should make a list with the pros and cons of each decision and use that to help guide your decision.  

    Post # 10
    1750 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @UKBuzz:If you want to end your relationship, tell him. I think it was so long ago, you learned your lesson, move on! It’s not relevant.

    Post # 11
    5763 posts
    Bee Keeper

    NO. There’s no point.

    Post # 12
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2022

    You wouldnt be coming clean for him, youd be coming clean for yourself because of the guilt you feel, I say don’t tell him, that past is the past it happend and lets move forward. When you marry him and you start your NEW life together nothing else will matter

    Hope this Helps

    Good luck keep us posted

    Post # 13
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I vote yes. I don’t believe in relationships built on lies.

    To me it does not matter if it was 6 weeks ago or 6 years ago. You cheated, no excuse.

    You will always have this gnawing at the back of your mind.

    Post # 14
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I think it comes down to if you can live with it.  If you’re going to carry this guilt and it is going to be at the forefront of your mind, then you need to tell him.  But you have to be prepared for the fallout.



    Post # 15
    5110 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2011

    If you were going to tell him you should have done so right after. I wouldnt now. Its to past the point and there is no reason to stir up the past. Why is it that you cannot get past this? I feel like you obvioulsy seem like you feel bad you learned your lesson. Will you do it again? If your answer is hell no, then dont tell him move on with your life!!

    Post # 16
    1577 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012


    If you tell him, all you will be doing is hurting him in an attempt to make yourself feel better.

    Disclosure in a situation like this is just selfishness (harsh = yes, but I don’t know how else to say it, sorry)



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