(Closed) Coming Clean to Fiancee… is there any point? (bit long..)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I come clean before the wedding?



  • Post # 244
    2450 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @happyface:  I think it would be important to know whether they were even “exclusive” at that point (I guess we’ll never know since the OP is gone) If you are not really exclusive andhave had no discussion to that effect, it is not really cheating.

    Post # 245
    538 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Pixie79:  I can understand that.  I think it comes down to knowing your partner.  If you know for sure that they would stay with you anyway, it gets murky.

    Though, maybe we never know that for sure, because a person can say “I wouldn’t want to know, I’ll stay with you no matter what,” and then change his mind if it actually happens.  I mean, I think I wouldn’t want to have to make that choice, because I’m sure I’d choose to stay and wouldn’t want that on me, but what do I know?  I’m not facing that situation.

    Post # 246
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012


    Post # 247
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD TO ARGUE!!! RAAAWR lmao. I didn’t check the dates, I just saw what was at the top of the board. =P I hope the OP got her stuff sorted out!

    Post # 248
    6593 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    If you tell him now it’s so you don’t feel guilty.  If there is never ever a chance in h#ll he would ever find out I would keep my mouth shut and move on.

    Post # 249
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I agree with most ladies here, I wouldnt say a thing and move on, all it can do it is ruin your relationship and lose his trust, and its been so long that why go through that now?

    Post # 250
    540 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    It was a long time ago and putting this on his shoulders now before the wedding day is only going to hurt him. Forgive yourself for the lapse in judgement. Start fresh and do not keep any secrets from now on.

    ETA: I forgive myself for not reading how old the post was 🙂

    Post # 251
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I say no, the only thing telling him will do is relieve your guilt from the whole thing. While I never think that it’s ok to cheat, this happened so long ago, and as long as it will never happen again leave it in the past. Telling him will just hurt your Fiance, and cause problems.

    Post # 252
    273 posts
    Helper bee

    @ltcolumbo:  i respectfully disagree. Relationships are built on trust and respect. The trust that her fiance has in her is based on him thinking she is someone who she isn’t. His trust is in a woman who would never betray him, lie to him or cheat on him. What man would trust a woman who did those things to him? He has no clue she cheated on him. It’s all a lie and the relationship is based on a lie.

    He deserves to know who he is marrying and she will probably beat herself up for manipulating him into marriage if she says nothing but goes through with the wedding. Their best chance is for her to come clean and if they are strong enough as a couple to rebuild from there.

    Post # 255
    238 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I was in a similar situation… but my husband and I weren’t even dating yet – we were “seeing” each other talking and just hanging out.  I never told him.. and it ate me up like crazy.. so finally 2 years into our relationship I told him because I just felt like he needed to know.

    It wasn’t a big deal to him because we werent even technically dating at the time.. I just don’t like to hold things in like that so I had to get it out but that’s just my personality type.  Here we are 5 years after I told him (7 years after it happened) and……… we just got married in October! 😀 I’m glad I was able to get it off my chest because for some reason I know that a part of me would always want to tell him.

    Post # 256
    1611 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    I say no. It was a one time thing when you were drunk in another country and have never seen the guy since in 4 years. Don’t confess and jeopardize your relationship. You could argue that the leukemia guy took advantage of a drunk, emotionally unstable woman and committed rape. You were not in the frame of mind to give proper consent. 

    Post # 257
    796 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I say no.


    You’ll only hurt him and could potentially ruin your life. Also, what is the point? To remove the guilt you feel?  Embrace it, accept what you did and move on.  You sound like this was a one time thing where you were off, and not something likely to happen again. So let the past stay in the past.

    The topic ‘Coming Clean to Fiancee… is there any point? (bit long..)’ is closed to new replies.

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