(Closed) Coming Clean to Fiancee… is there any point? (bit long..)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I come clean before the wedding?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 122
    Member
    161 posts
    Blushing bee

    So I only skimmed the comments, sorry in advance if what I suggest is a repeat of a pp.  Honesty and communication are 2 things relationships need to thrive. If it’s already making you feel guilty, then I suspect that feeling will only grow and eventually, the truth will come out. Whether that truth is from you or someone else is not guaranteed. Honestly, I would tell him, but I’m not you and neither is anyone else who has replied. No one can answer this for you, it is only something you can answer yourself. But, would you be willing to wake up everyday knowing he had once kept a big secret from you? Can you be happier than you are now? Would you be happier if you told him? These are the questions I would ask myself. Advice can be a great thing, but doing what someone else tells you to do can make you even more unhappy if it’s not what you want as well. Just be careful how you choose to handle all of this advice. Best of luck in your decision.

    Post # 123
    Member
    1630 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I am going to go against the grain here and say that I think you should tell him. A marriage is based on honesty and while I understand you were vulnerable and this was a while back, he still deserves to know. I know if the roles were reversed, I would absolutely want to know so I could decide for myself if it is something to put in the past or not. As other bees suggested, what if the roles were reversed?  Would you find it excusable for him to keep that kind of secret from you? If he loves you, he will understand. <3

    Post # 124
    Member
    1630 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I also want to add that I don’t want you to go through the stress of this eating you away every day for the rest of your life.

    Post # 125
    Member
    2160 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @UKBuzz:  Are you okay?  That’s a lot of opinion to take in…

    Post # 126
    Member
    833 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I vote no. Dont tell him. But I DO think you should talk to someone about it.

    Post # 127
    Member
    5879 posts
    Bee Keeper

    If it was me I wouldn’t want to know. I vote in this case to not tell.

    Post # 128
    Member
    10 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I just sat here and read this post with my Fiance.  You should definitely tell him what happened, and the sooner the better, because you don’t want to do it close to the wedding date.  Everyone is allowed to make a mistake and if he is the right guy for you, you really should let him know and come clean.  You’ll feel so much better sayinbg your vows on your wedding day.  If he is mature enough for marriage, he should certainly be mature enough to understand the situation and know you well enough to know that you would never do that again.

    Post # 129
    Member
    917 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    My heart breaks for you. Just from the tone of your post, I have no doubt that you feel horribly and know you made a mistake. Everyone is fallible…especially when we’re in vulnerable situations, which you certainly were. That said… I would NOT tell him. I’m trying to put myself in his shoes in my answer. If my SO did this and it were for similar reasons and he felt guilty and it was never going to happen, it would only hurt me to know. If there’s no way he’s ever going to find out, I say keep this as a secret. Good luck!

    Post # 130
    Member
    1741 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    You should have told him ages ago, when the incident happened. I acknowledge you were in pain, but that is no excuse for infidelity.

     

    Telling him now might aid your guilt, however will deeply affect him. In my eyes it is selfish to tell him now. 

     

     

     

     

    Post # 131
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I voted no, but truly I believe that you are the only one who knows the best what the right answer is. I know this is not a very helpful answer but I wish you the best. I’m sorry for all you’ve been through and I hope you can work out whatever you feel you need to do (forgive yourself, tell or not tell) and have a great wedding and life together.

    Post # 132
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Forgive yourself for what happened and take it to your grave.

    Post # 133
    Member
    1026 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    forgive yourself. NO. dont tell him. i agree it would be selfish (and no it doesn’t mean it makes you a selfish person) because it would only hurt him.

    Post # 134
    Member
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t tell him.

    If my fiance had done it, and I ever happened to find out, I’d be so hurt that he didn’t feel like he could talk to me about it.

    This is obviously causing you a lot of angst, and it doesn’t sound like it’s a pleasant thing to live with every single day. Things may get rough when you tell him, but you’ll come out stronger on the other side.

    Post # 135
    Member
    1034 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Which ever road you choose won’t be easy. This is a tough decision. I wish you the best of luck. I must admit that I am surprised at how the poll is swinging. 

    Post # 136
    Member
    1637 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @jjmomma:

    This always happens on a post that insights so much response….she’s probably seriously overwhelmed by everyone responding so quickly. Hope we haven’t scared her off totally!

    The topic ‘Coming Clean to Fiancee… is there any point? (bit long..)’ is closed to new replies.

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