- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I absolutely LOVE my Future In-Laws. They are very supportive, and involved. We have two kids, and even though their family business is crazy busy right now, they are taking time out to help with the wedding and spend quality time with the kids.
BUT!!! Everything about my simple small wedding has gotten out of hand. I have a strict budget (things are tight at home, but with what we saved and given by my family we are doing okay if we stay in budget)But they have a HUGE catholic conservative family, so things I guess have to be a certain way to keep the peace. Honestly, 130 out of the 200 MAX people are their family. Only up to first cousins.
Before wedding planning started Future Mother-In-Law ended up, after our engagement, going with Fiance to have a family heirloom made into a upgraded engagement ring!! Amazing!! But that is the start of the money issues.
I at first wanted a smaller outdoor wedding, simple pasta bar, limited decor, but still nice with drinks and dancing.
Well, I guess in their family, you invite one relative, you invite ALL!! Okay, so the outdoor area I wanted to rent only accommodates 150, in case of weather changes. I change the venue to an indoor dance barn, and spend 2X as much as I was going to.
Then they decided they wanted to have a certain caterer, and will pay! I was happy, and grateful.
They were already “paying” for the flowers, since their business IS flowers, and I was told any other varieties that we wanted (but to a minimum if possible) would be covered by the business.
THEN they didnt like our choice of offiecient (the person that introduced us, and has been in our lives for 10+ years… we are very close) and decided it must be about money, and paid for a family friend to do it .We also love this family friend, and she goes to great lengths to have a beautiful ceremony, so we are okay with this. (charges though a good amount)
They also, without us asking, offered to pay for the Bridesmaid or Best Man and FIs tuxes, then again without asking paid for an extra day at the venue, at reduced price to have more time to set up and make sure its all organized like we planned. Awesome, but like I said, no one asked or implied they should They just made calls and paid.
More recently I had MAJOR car issues where something in my car kind of melted and went kapoot (I named my car Christine, if you are familiar with Steven King films/books you will realize I have had alot of problems with this car.. lol) I called Future Father-In-Law only because he is FIs boss, and Fiance cant have his phone at work. I needed Fiance to get my kids and me from the side of the road. Twenty minutes later, Future Father-In-Law is there, and I am getting offered a new/used car in the range of $4000-$8000!! I was just going to try to sell mine and get a little commuter, but THEY rather I get something a little better and keep my first to try to part off and sell for more.
I am already feel bad about everything they are spending since before I met them I was basically on my own, even if family offered I would refuse since I know they need the money too. They worked for it, they should have it. Future In-Laws opinion is if they offer it, you take it, and they offer ALL the time.
Problems started a little when Future Mother-In-Law and her friends I guess made a trip to the venue to discuss the decor, and flow. (again, I never knew) They talked to the wrong lady in the office and got completely different information. So I got a annoyed/stressed call about figuring it all out ASAP. Okay, one call and it was done. I was right, the lady was wrong, but Future Mother-In-Law is oddly still stressed about the whole miscommunication.
Today, the day after my car died, they want an “emergency meeting” at my kids bed time, to discuss finances; What they are paying, what its all for, and what we have budgeted. Basically implying I wasnt spending all I could. Another part of the convo is to see what we can afford for the non-family flowers??? I even asked about our earlier convo, and they said things changed and the business is not wanting to help. Then another comment on why they are paying for the extra day, and that they paid the half of the fee for the orininal day (I reminded them I paid them back a week after, I was out of town and it had to be reserved ASAP, and I had NO part in the extra day). Budgeting those things would be fine, but I was not told until NOW and my wedding is in 4 weeks!! I have already budgeted and spent on other things, like upgrading the wine for them, because they are very particular (I dont like wine at all), and paper lanterns, my ONLY decor thing I am planning on my own. I cant down grade this soon or return my lanterns, and cant come up with the money elsewhere. GRR!!
The second part of the convo is about the guidelines and conditions of the car??? I dont get to pick out (other than to make sure my tiny self can see the road) and discuss our options??…. *confused*
I hate to tell them, outside of the car, they are kind of committed, and THEY signed contracts without asking me, and I would have been more than happy to have kept it simple.
With the car, I shall see what is going to happen. I am happy they are still wanting to pay, even with conditions I am flexible, but if its a problem about money, I rather me and Fiance deal financing a car as a family, they spend money on the promised/signed for contracts, and all of us stop stressing about the wedding finances.
Thanks for listening…. it was long, but its been a complicated 2 days.