(Closed) Coming from a big family, marrying into an incredibly small one. Kinda sad:

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have to admit I am secretly happy about this! I love my family and they are huge and awesome and we don’t live close to either so its easier to just see his folks for like one day bc his sister and brother are on the w coast anyways

 

luckily he loves my family and gets along with the whole crew of cousins (like 70 of us!)

Post # 18
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My family is my dad, brother, sister, 2 aunts, a cousin, his wife and their 3 kids.  I only talk to my cousin and aunts about once a year (if that), and it makes me very sad that as small as my family is, that we’re not closer.  I only ever knew one grandparent (my father’s mother).

FI’s family is HUGE.  He has relatives HE’S never met- 20 plus first cousins, both of his parents are from big Irish families. 

I’ve always been VERY self conscious of my small family, as if it’s something that people would somehow judge me on.  I realize how irrational that sounds, as the size of my family is quite obviously not something I have control over.  My dad and brother live out of state, and I spent this last holiday season with Fiance and his family here in our hometown.  We Skyped on Christmas Eve, and it made me so sad that I was here with Fiance and like 20 of his relatives celebrating, and then it was just the two of them (my dad and brother). 

It all sounds so silly.  My family has embraced him, like his has with me, and at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters, right?  🙂

Post # 19
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am in the same boat.  I wanted a small intimate wedding because my family is so large.  It totally blew me away that my Fiance who comes from a very small family wanted to invite everyone.  So we are now totaling around 350 and only 50 are his family and friends.  Then there are about 50 from his work and our mutual friends but still… I also think it is sad his mom hasn’t talked to him in 3 years and changes her number.  She doesn’t even know we are engaged or getting married! 

We live closer to my family than his so I feel guilty sometimes that we spend all our time with my family and only go by his on holidays.  Its  tough situation.   Hopefully, ones the babies start coming it will unite everyone together.

Post # 20
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

I’m the opposite. My family is just me and my parents. My dad doesn’t really talk to his siblings and I don’t want a lot to do with most of my mom’s side of the family because they are crazy. I am the only grandchild on one side of the family. If we sat people on brides side and grooms side, his family would overwhelm and spill into my side. You may not be gaining a lot, but maybe you can find happiness that he now has a bunch of inlaws and perhaps the family he always wanted.

Post # 21
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mrsSonthebeach:  Me too.

I never had anyone my age in my family. No siblings, a couple cousins within a few years but who I never saw, and then several distant cousins or whatever who were either WAY older or younger, and my aunts/uncles etc. My family is mostly very small and I never had kids to play with and I was fine, never noticed a lack of anything. I miss it a bit now that I’m older but I seldom think about it.

I’m the one with a tiny family marrying into a huge one. (I’m happy about it, because SOME of FH’s SIX siblings will proooobably have kids or something eventually, so eventually I’ll get to be an aunt! Which will be fun since I don’t plan to be a mom. And he’s happy about it because it means we spend more time with his family than mine.)

Post # 22
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

be careful what you wish for!

Post # 23
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

*laughs* 

I think this is what my Fiance thinks when he looks at my family! 

I disowned my family years ago, and all I have is my mother….So it is me, and my mom as a family. 

He has a huge family. He actually has two families: His adopted family, and his biological family.

His adopted family consists of Dad, 5 brothers/sisters, like 15 or 20 nieces/nephews I lost count while trying to use the finger system. x_X, he has sister-in-laws, some aunts, and a grandfather. The family is huge! It makes my head spin! His biological family consists of a small island no joke. Everyone is connected by marriage or blood, so I am still learning everyone’s names on that side of the family, and what their family status is. It’s crazy. 

His biological family is absolutely amazing, and I love those people! I consider them family. His adopted family though is just evil, so after the wedding I won’t be having much to do with those people. 

Post # 24
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@LadyMoriarty:

I didn’t come from a small family but I did come from a very businesss one.  It really wont affect your kids.  They’ll just learn to make friends and they’ll become super close to those friends.  If his family owns a family business I suggest you discuss with your fiance about if your fiance truly wants your future kids to be in the family business.

Post # 25
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think family isnt always blood. I come from a large family. Im the oldest of 10, my mother is the oldest of 9 and my grandmother is the middle of 14. 400 people show up at our family reunion.

My Darling Husband has a small family. He has two siblings. His mother is an only child and my Father-In-Law doesnt have much family either, All total their might be twenty of them. That being said…family isnt always about blood. I have friends who are closer to me than blood and I count them as family.

Surely your Fiance has friends whom he counts as family. Understand that you and your Fiance are family and will one day if you havent started already create a family. That family will be the bridge between the two. Sure your not getting the comfort of a huge family but its a trade off.

When the craziness of the big family drives you nuts you can relax in knowing that you have a smaller family on his side…and when your Fiance needs affectionate fun loving people then your family will be great for him

I love my big family..bat s*** crazy that they are, but its always nice to relax with Darling Husband smaller family.

Post # 26
Member
3356 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have almost 30 first cousins, and Darling Husband only has one. Meh, whatever.

Post # 27
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I come from a fairly small family [3 cousins, 1 aunt, 3 uncles, & 2 siblings ..all just from 2 parents], so it’s suffice to say that my family is small & I still turned out perfectly fine!  Please, don’t feel bad for me [or your FH or anyone with a “small” family].  The family I do have is the best, regardless of how many playmates I had when I was younger.

DH’s family is big!  His parents divorced & both remarried making his family even bigger than it was to begin with haha.  They’re crazy, but I do love all of their “events” & what not.  I suppose I envy that, but then I realize how great of a family I do have & how lucky I am to be with Darling Husband & his family too & have the best of both worlds :].

Post # 28
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i have a large family and my dh has a very small one.

i know what you mean with the guest list.  my dh only had his mom, dad and sister at our wedding.  the rest of his family is in england and there’s only a small handful compared to my huge family.

on my dad’s side alone there’s well over 100 ppl with just aunts, uncles and first cousins.  then there’s my mom’s side and my stepmother’s family (part of my life for 30 years).

needless to say, my dh found our first christmas together quite “full” and “loud”.

Post # 29
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My extended family is large with lots of cousins, aunts, and uncles.  But at the end of the day its been just my mom and me since dad died when I was 17.  My parents were older when they got married and had me (both were around 40) so all of my cousins are older than me.  I played with some of my second cousins but that’s about it.  Had lots of friends though.

I have lots of friends that as close as family.  My kids will play with their kids.  My SO has 1 brother and that’s it.

Post # 30
Member
7819 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am an only child and come from a small extended family as well.  Husband is one of 3 kids and has a much bigger extened family.  Honestly, it is ANNOYING when I have to deal with that many people (who are all very nice)- I much prefer the get togethers with my very small bio fmaily.

Post # 31
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@eeniebeans:  I agree with you.

My family consists of myself, my younger brother, and my mother.  That’s it.  And they both live on the other side of the world, and I see them once a decade, on average.  So we aren’t super close, and I’ve taken to saying that I don’t have family when people ask now.

Fiance, on the other hand, comes from a huge extended family (he’s an only child).   I don’t enjoy family get togethers at all, his family is very cliquey and not very friendly to outsiders.   I’ve been married before and my ex H also had a large extended family, but they were far friendlier towards me.  I do sometimes miss that. 

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