(Closed) Coming out to my nephews-ages 8 and 13

posted 6 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My aunt came out to my sister and I when we were 10 and 8.  This was almost 20 years ago and things were different then – I had an abstract concept of what being gay meant, but it certainly wasn’t talked about as much as it is today. They didn’t really make a big deal out of it. At family dinner one night I think she just said, “Im not sure if you know, but R and I are girlfriend and girlfriend and not just roommates – I know that might sound weird so just let me know if you have questions – or if you’re afraid to ask me, you can ask your mom”

I think my sister and I were pretty much like “Oh. Hmm. Cool – can you pass the salt?”

The 13 year old has definitely already discussed sexuality and sexual preferences in health class – the 8 year old – could go either way. But just keep it light and like its no big deal (because it really is no big deal, haha).  Have you seen the video on youtube of a couple telling a little boy that they are a married gay couple?   It is adorable and hysterical.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hmm, this is an interesting one. I’m bi, but I haven’t really had cause to come out to anyone in that age range. What I can say is that I went to a very progressive school and one of my teachers in 3rd grade was gay, and so as part of the once a year “here’s some info about your body” talks, she came out to us as a class. She was very straightforward and matter of fact about it, and I don’t remember any fall out or weirded out kids as a result.

I guess my main suggestion would be, try not to make a big deal out of it! If they haven’t had a lot of negative exposure to the notion of being gay/lesbian/etc. yet, their parents have no issue, it can be just a good but minor broadening of their horizons.

Post # 6
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I wouldn’t directly come out to them by saying you’re gay. I would have them meet Fiance again and say this is the person I love and am going to marry. The word gay will have no meaning to them, but they understand love.

Post # 10
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well… I don’t know if I totally agree with MrsMeNow that “gay” won’t mean anything to them, especially the 13 year old. But it certainly is true that saying “Hey, I’m with this person you already know” is not nearly as loaded as “Hey, I’m gay”. Even for adults, I’ve come out and they’re like “Ok…so?” But then add “And I’m with this person, and it’s great!” and they go “Oh, yay!”

It’ll probably go just as you’re imagining!

Post # 13
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@TankGirl: If the 13 year old knows what it means, it probably comes a long with many preconceived ideas of what that definition means. The 8 year old probably won’t have a clue (my 9 year old doesn’t know what that term means, just that there are all different kinds of families). I think by putting it in simple terms they can understand that you are forming a family and love each other.

Post # 14
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Cupcake2012: @ieatunicorns: Points well made and taken. I was just momentarily taken aback because I personally was pretty informed about the label at that age (which I also recognize is not usual), but I completely agree with the overall sentiment.

Post # 16
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

When my kids were about 4 and 6, we ran into a gay pride march.  They asked me what “gay” meant.  I realized they weren’t yet clear on the concept of sex–and certainly not on the concept that people might actually enjoy sex rather than using it for procreation.  So I basically explained to them that a gay man was a man who, if he wanted to get married, would want to marry another man.  And a lesbian was a woman who, if she wanted to get mrried, would want to marry another woman.  Even kids who aren’t yet clear on sex have some kind of general idea that marriage is a special relationship.

Since the younger one is already asking about the ring, I would start with something like, “It means I am going to be married.  Suzie gave it to me because she is the one I will be marrying.”  If they ask other questions, you can of course answer, but that gets you started on a relatively nonthreatening level.

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