BalletParker : d’aww!! I want to answer on here rather than moving it to PM because I hope it will help give readers insight on what living with mental illness is like (this thread is OT anyway, and Gootey just talked about the fears not the everyday part).
Feel free to skip past this post if you don’t care, everyone else but Bridal Party. 🙂
I’m doing pretty awesome right now! I’ve not been on the ‘bee for a while because I had a bad couple of months. Partly through a mixup with my doctor where he forgot one of my prescriptions that helps counteract another prescription that leads to me being more likely to have suicidal urges (oops). Second mixup is that he was going on vacation and by the time I decided to get pushy about the prescription and book another appointment, he was booked up for a month. I ended up self harming a lot (my husband gained a few more white hairs, poor man) and went to the hospital to get my prescription because I couldn’t wait for the appointment I had. (The walk-in clinic doesn’t open till the evening here and I knew once I went home I wouldn’t be getting back out even though I needed this. Thanks, depression. You suck balls.) the trauma nurse was… not well trained, shall we say, and made me cry and feel horrible about myself, but the doctor gave me what I needed. My therapist was horrified at some of the things the nurse said, and suggested I report her and complain. I just don’t have the energy right now, TBH.
I’m working hard at prioritizing my self care. I’ve dropped the number of hours I’m working because I’ve realized I’m more efficient and get more done if I’m not stuck to a full work week. My workplace is amazing about being respectful of us as people as well as workers and supports it. It’s helped me be more supportive of my coworkers too, because all of us have stress and we know it. I’m so lucky to be in a place where a couple hundred bucks less a paycheque isn’t going to break us and I can do that.
But one of the most awesome things is that my husband’s benefits provider had a health fair, and through that I found some other therapy techniques that should REALLY help my PTSD. I can’t even begin to say how excited I am in hoping it will work and it will help! It was being in the right place at the right time, really. I start on Tuesday for the rest of the summer.
As of right now, I probably should have a shower and shave my legs (it’s been a week since I shaved, whoops! Haven’t given a fuck). I don’t think anyone noticed I threw my hair in a messy bun because it was easier than brushing it this morning. I think I’ve done enough to make myself pass as functioning on the personal hygiene department? Lol. But honestly, I’ve prioritized things that give me positive, renewing emotion and personal strength to fill my gas tank and that’s important, too. I’m so glad I’m at a point where I have the energy to do that instead of falling into a spiral of depression and anxiety like I was a month ago. Gotta keep it up and drink lots of water – it helps flush out stress hormone (cortisol) and keep your brain chemistry as balanced as possible.
This weekend we’ll work on getting our house tidy because that fills Hubby’s gas tank, and working on a project I’ve decided to do as art therapy. I’ve got a mani/pedi booked with a friend for next weekend because it’s self indulgent self care. 🙂 also having things to look forward to is awesome to do!