(Closed) Coming to terms with waiting…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I feel the same as you……about every other hour!  Usually I’m ok with it, then something flips in my mind, but then I’m ok with it.  And SO keeps teasing saying the only way to cure me is to propose….Helllo!!! I know!!!  Even though i’m ‘crazy’ right now, it will be worth it and I’m excited, but i know how you feel.

Post # 4
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

Glad to hear that you’re not going crazy with frustration haha πŸ™‚

I know exactly what you mean, and I have also reached a point where I am okay with waiting. Like you, I know that Boyfriend or Best Friend is 100 % serious about this relationship and he wants to get married, and I know he will propose when he feels the time is right. We’re going away for a few days this weekend, and I don’t expect him to propose, so now I can just enjoy a few days away with him without worrying about the proposal πŸ™‚

 I think one of the most potentially frustrating aspects of waiting is not knowing for sure whether he is going to do it. Once you’ve reached a point where you feel certain that he will, it gets a lot easier πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s a roller coaster.  I can go from “yeah, I’m totally cool with waiting, I know it’s going to happen soon” to “I am convinced his is torturing me on pupose.  Why does he hate me so???” in a matter of days, hours and sometimes minutes.

Ride the high as long as possible, my waiting friend. πŸ˜€

Post # 6
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I try to think this way but it is hard sometimes. A few months ago we went away for the weekend too and everybody kept saying to me “I bet you’ll get engaged”…I tried not to get my hopes up and it worked. I figured even if he didn’t propose we were still going to have a great weekend and I shouldn’t ruin it because it’s not our engagement weekend.

Post # 8
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I am OFF and ON! But a lot more calm when I do obsess over it. πŸ™‚

I think this is mainly because about a month ago, I was A LOT more into figuring out what my SO was upto. I tried to snoop around in his apartment for a receipt or a box, everytime we went out I would stare at this pockets for a sign, I would try to guess when he was going to propose (from a casual dinner to us just walking in a park or hanging out at home!).

I drove myself CRAZY! It was consuming my thoughts almost every hour! Somehow I became aware of myself and decided to STOP. It just wasn’t healthy. I was anxious, impatient, and annoyed the whole time. So now I realize I just don’t want to deal with this anymore. I know he will propose by the end of the year and that’s all I want to know for now. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still in the back of my mind, but I am not letting my emotions react to it.

Post # 9
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

i am also ok with waiting (ummm, today that is, who knows about tomorrow!!)

but i do have to say that i will be an “encore” bride..been there, done that…so what i am tryiing to do is stay in the moment..like i loved it before he moved in..you know, my own time sorta thing..and how much things change once that happens. i know that when the newness wears off that so much more is gained, but newness is NICE!!And when newness is over it is just over… so when i get nutzo in the head i know that it WILL happen and be wonderful, but the “waiting” so-to-speak is sorta fun…am i making sence at all?

Post # 10
Member
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yea, after 1.5 years and our 1st vacation together, i was convinced he was going to propose and didn’t.  Came home, and became okay with it…

Fast forward to this past Christmas when 2 couples we know got engaged, who had been dating less then us, and feelings re-surfaced.  So we talked about it, talked about timelines and goals etc.  This past spring we went ring shopping & I’ve been trying ever since not to get my hopes up.  I have a hunch though, it’s going to happen very very soon (we go on vacation next week).  Until then though, i’m still a waiting bee πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

I’m coming to terms with it as well… I have my days when it’s harder and I am more irritable/anxious, but for the most part I am just trying not to obsess too much about it and take the fun out of how great our relationship is now.

Shortly before Christmas, I found out my younger sister was going to be getting engaged soon and I was crushed.  I was so disappointed that I was older and she was getting engaged, and therefore married first.  It was an immature reaction, I know, but it just devastated me.  I never thought I would react the way I did, but I had an incredibly hard time controlling my emotions about it.

When I told my boyfriend about her impending engagement, and expressed some confusion about whether we were really heading in that direction he was very up front and honest with me.  He said he didn’t feel like we could get engaged until he talked to my dad, and more importantly finished his PhD and had a job.  His exact words after that were “Do you want it done fast, or do you want it done right?”

And he’s right…I want it done right.  My sister’s ring is a lab created sapphire, so her Fiance didn’t have to save up as much.  I don’t need a ridiculous rock, but I do want a diamond in my engagement ring.  And I really respect the fact that my boyfriend wants to be responsible and “do things right.”  He’s very traditional in a lot of ways, and I both respect this and find it romantic.

So…I wait…and wait…and try not to freak out.  But I am doing ok with it, and I know he will be worth the wait.

Post # 12
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I came to this realization also.  I’m not feeling so panicky anymore.  The only thing I hate about waiting though is that I’m worried we will have a hard time getting a date for next year.  Most venues in my area are already booking up for 2011, and I really wanted a fall wedding, which has become the most popular here.  My bf and I talked about our timeline and do want to get married next year, so I just wish he would hurry up so we can at least secure a date.  Thats the only reason really that it worries me to keep waiting πŸ™

Post # 13
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I WANT to come to terms w/waiting. We will have been together 4 years in November and I’m just a little obsessed. I get several wedding catalogs/magazines and basically have the whole thing planned! Lol… I have gotten to the point where I can go through an entire day and not think about it though which is a step up for me. I know he doesnt have committment issues and I know he wants to marry me and have a family. It’s mainly just financial issues. We’ve had A LOT of ups and downs (mainly downs) financially these last two years we’ve been together but things are just starting to look up for us. But he has expressed that he doesn’t want to make payments on a ring. He wants to pay for it all at once which I think is a little unreasonable given our financial situation. I’m hoping maybe within the next two years we’ll get engaged…but what I really want is to just get a grip on myself. I have several friends that aren’t engaged yet and they’ve been w/their boyfriends longer. I just want to get to the point where I can focus on other things and not pressure him as much. I mean, I’ve calmed down a lot and don’t mention it as much as I used to but I wish I could just stop altoghether and not talk about it unless he does. I just don’t think I’m helping my situation any by making myself look desperate to tie the knot. The constant pressure from my mom doesn’t help though!

Post # 14
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@gocubbies: I’m proud of you for being at peace with this. However long it lasts! I go through phases as well, some days I feel totally calm about waiting and some days I do feel the extra irritable/anxious feeling. Especially when I want to see him and I wish we were living together already….

Post # 15
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

I am going to interject here and it might not be the popular opinion but thought I’d bring it up anyway because it brings to light a different perspective.

I had never heard of the term “waiting” in terms of an engagement leading up to a wedding until I started WeddingBee. I always connote “waiting” with boredom. Like waiting at the doctor’s office or DMV. Time that is spent idle with no actions that can be taken until another step arrives. I’d hate to compare my relationship to a wait at the DMV.

My Fiance and I had been together over 4 years before he proposed. I knew within the first year that he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I also knew that he knew that I was the one even sooner than that. I guess with that length of time you would say that I “waited” for over 3 years. But eventhough it took him longer than that to propose, I never considered myself to be “waiting.” He and I went about our lives normally the entire time one would consider me to be “waiting.” But the thing is, I didn’t feel like I was waiting because I was busy making myself better and we were busy making each other better. We finished school, changed careers, I bought property, etc. So I guess what I am trying to say is that an engagement/wedding was never a box I needed to check-off my list. I had faith that it was going to happen somehow and because I had that faith, the “wait” came so much easier. It wasn’t so much a wait because I concentrated on bettering myself.

So to me, what I have now and had before the engagement is the cake. The wedding/marriage is just the icing.

Post # 16
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

For the most part I think I’m there as well but I have my off days.

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