(Closed) Comittment Ceremony VS Legal Marriage

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee

 

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MrsAnonnyBee11516:  Then I think this is VERY deceptive and would not recommend doing this.  If I was a guest and found out late I’d be even more annoyed.   Because, whether or not you like it, it is all about you gaming the system.   You want some ‘benefits’ of marriage (name, party, social recognition, and you’ve not said as much … but probably gifts), but don’t want other ‘benefits’ of a legal union because of losing some public assistance benefits.  As evidenced by this thread people don’t like that because we all look at those deductions from each pay check and are annoyed – even as we know that some need the help.   I suspect behind the scenes that your guests may not be as understanding as you think. 

Post # 78
Member
934 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

Even if you take out the government benefits (which I feel like PP have covered a lot of my very strong feelings on this), don’t you feel like you’re deceiving your guests?  You’re hosting an event and trying to pass it off as a wedding (and expecting gifts I assume). What’s the purpose of this?  If it’s just the name change you can legally change your name without a ceremony. If you want nice photos you can get dressed up and get family photos, or if you want a commitment from your BF that can be done privately. 

If I were your family and I found out about this I would be very upset. 

Post # 79
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I have a friend who is severely disabled, as in, can’t drive. He has cerebral Palsy. He just lost his disability ss.  

LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE STRUGGLING.

that doesn’t make this okay.

 

Sidenote:before “welfare cheat” becomes the demon of the day,  I also don’t appreciate that large corporations pay no taxes and even get rebates while hard working citizens get crapped on. for every human  ” welfare cheat”,  there are oil companies and media companies and rich 1%ers who pay nothing, which while legal, is not right or fair. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by BalletParker.
Post # 79
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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MrsAnonnyBee11516:  So the government is providing you health insurance also, is that what you are saying?

Post # 81
Member
1875 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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MrsAnonnyBee11516:  I think you need to tread carefully here and make sure you aren’t commiting any sort of fraud.  If you don’t want to get married, I don’t really care.  BUT if you have a commitmet ceremony and act as though you are married, you may be consider to have a common law marriage (varies by state).  And if so, then you may be required to file as a married couple anyway.  You really need to speak with a tax attorny and/or lawyer to figure out what is the best for your situation.

 

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/living-together-book/chapter4-6.html

Post # 82
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t really see the point of spending money pretending to get married.  I don’t like that you are cheating the system but I don’t know your entire circumstances.  But it doesn’t sound like you are having a committment ceremony, it sounds like you are going to pretend to get married, I don’t see the point and I don’t think it will satisfy you when you really want to be legally married. 

By The Way – paying for child care is just hard.  I have friends who are professionals, chiropractors, dentists, lawyers, who do some sort of part-time/split schedule with their partner so that they don’t have to pay for daily day care because even they can’t afford it, or it isn’t financially feasible.  One of my best friends has a college degree and worked nights at home depot for 7 years before her two children were in school while her spouse worked days.

 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Scarlett11.
Post # 83
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m not going to put you down or do anything like that.  I am sure you know how a lot of us feel but are you certain there are not any other options that actually may help you out more?

Have you looked at the tax implications of being married? For example, since you are both working, you can file married filing jointly and essentially gives you more money earned and keeps you in the same tax bracket. I.e. 15% bracket if a single person makes $9,226 to $37,450 but also 15% bracket if married couple makes: $18,451 to $74,900. You can also deduct child care expenses in your taxes. You may actually save money by having your Fiance file as Head of Household and you filing as Single. There are other things you can do.

You are, as others have mentioned, legally a single parent but you live with your Fiance and you operate as a family unit. So yes, you can do that based on a technicality, but that doesn’t mean it is right. If your Fiance up and left you, then you would be a single parent and he would owe you child support.

The main concern here though is the legal implications of the two of you not being married for your child, and I know she is your main concern. What if something happens to him? You have absolutely no claim over anything of his. By not marrying (and not having other documents in place, which you may), you cannot go into the hospital room when they do not allow non-related people, have no claim to survivorship etc. I know no one wants to think about that stuff but all of those and more are major reasons to get married for you and your daughter. You can speak to a lawyer to draft documents up that will protect you in these circumstances, but that would probably be quite expensive.

So, I just think you should look at the other options of things.  I know this was a post on whether you should have a commitment ceremony and unless you were going to legally marry, then no you probably shouldn’t.  You do need to be careful because there have been newspaper articles of the government going after them for money.  

I feel your pain and I am sorry for what you go through and being a contract worker does absolutely stink but I just think there may be other options so you can enjoy the benefits of being a family unit.

 

Post # 84
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Do they already have record of father’s income as is required by law? If so your eligibility wouldn’t change. I’ll admit once upon a time I was in your shoes so I get it we fall flat and need help. But the whole time I was receiving supplemental help they had my daughter’s father’s in fo because we lived together and even though we were unmarried I reported him . That is how it should be done .if you’re legally complying a marriage won’t change your status with county. We like you’re trying got off when my fiancé was able to find a second job (since he couldn’t get 1 full time). If you have not reported his income and are receiving benefits shame on you . I’m sorry to be mean but you don’t deserve it if you’re not going to comply with the law. Woman like myself understand u r position and are okay with taxes helping in hard times but to receive benefits based on fraud income is too much.

Post # 87
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Is your mom financially helping with your daughter?  If not, I really do not understand why your mother is putting up the $$ for a wedding, yet not contributing to her grandchild’s well being.  I would think her granchild’s wellbeing would take precedent over a wedding.

 

Also, can you answer if you have informed the government, when applying for benefits, whether you included your FI’s info.  Legally, you have to.

 

Moreover, I think it may be best to look into another job.  You current job, even though it is with the state, is far from optimal.  You do not even get the cushy state benefits most state employees receive.  So, then, why keep the job?

So, in other words, no, do not have a wedding/commitment ceremony.  Such an event is opening you up to serious legal consequences and simply does not appear to be a necessity/priority in your life.

Post # 88
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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MrsAnonnyBee11516:  Unless you want to continue to get hammered, I would suggest closing the thread.  

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shortsweetness:  I would make the assumption based on the fact that she hasn’t answered the question about whether she is reporting her BFs income despite multiple people asking probably means she hasn’t disclosed it.  

Post # 89
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

This is an example of why it drives me nuts that women don’t vote as much as they should. Right now, democrats have several bills to expand credits for working families with children.

It will go nowhere because the Republicans control both chambers and they are busy pushing through an estate tax repeal for the top 1% and a 3 million dollar tax cut for the richest americans. no, that is not partisan, it is a fact.

 Women need to pay attention to what’s going on because they don’t have big money lobbyists pushing agendas that are good for families and single parents.

 

example:

 

http://democrats.waysandmeans.house.gov/press-release/senate-and-house-democrats-introduce-bills-put-more-money-pockets-working-families

 

Helping Working Families Afford Child Care Act (Murray, Bennet) Child care costs have risen dramatically in the past several decades, and the main tax credit intended to help defray these costs has not kept up with the changing times. The Helping Working Families Afford Child Care Act will reform the Child and Dependent Care Tax credit so that it delivers a larger benefit to more families. Under the legislation, the allowable expense limit will be raised to $8,000—much closer to the average cost of childcare today, the credit rate will be flattened at 35 percent for most middle-income families, and the credit will be made refundable, so low-income families can benefit as well. Today, most families get only a $600 credit, but with these reforms, the credit will be $2,800 for most low and middle-income families.

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