- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2017
I don’t think our registry is outrageous. There are probably about 100 items on there currently (including the multiples of items like place settings, crystal glasses, etc) and we have a guest list of about 230. The items range from $2 to $200 each ($200 being an outlier – there is one thing that’s $200 and one thing that’s $150, and the rest are all $110 or under). Most of the items are in the $15 to $50 range.
The other day my mom called me to chat with me about my registry, and she had me on speakerphone with her partner and one of their friends in the background. First they made fun of me for registering for a mortar and pestle – ok, fine, I realize I’m a little weird and it’s a funny thing to most people. Then my mom tells me she thinks my china pattern is pretty but they (her partner and friend) want to know if I actually have 12 friends (because I registered for 12 place settings). I made some joke about probably being able to find 12 friends if I bribed people. I know my mom didn’t mean to suggest something hurtful like me not having any friends – the underlying question was more like, will I ever actually be entertaining for 12? (It’s not that inconceivable. Maybe someday I’ll be the one hosting holiday dinners – and I have a big family.)
Then as we’re talking about the china pattern, her partner calls out from the background, “How much is it?” My mom responds that it’s $110 per 5-piece setting. Her partner scoffs, “That’s ridiculous!” I really wanted to say, “Yeah, hi…I’m still on the phone.”
So now I feel really self-conscious. I didn’t think it was that absurd, as a lot of people give more expensive gifts if they give one gift one behalf of a whole family, for example. And the registry is just a suggestion. I’m not sending out my enforcers to break people’s kneecaps if they don’t buy me china and crystal! My god.
But now I feel like a tool, because I think I know exactly where those comments were coming from. In those ladies’ opinions, registering for 12 settings of bone china probably makes me pretentious. I just have a different preference for my kitchenware and serveware than they do! I hate being made to feel bad about it. 🙁
Then one of my aunts posted on my facebook wall (which irritated me because I cannot stand it when people use your wall as a substitute for email), “You need to add more to your registry…linens, everyday dishes, household items, decor, picture frames, etc, etc…” I don’t even know what that means. Presumably she’s just trying to be helpful, but it seems premature to worry about my registry getting low when nothing has been bought off it yet. So I sent her a nice email saying we already have a lot of things we need and that I may add a few more items to the registry, especially if it starts to get low, and of course we are not expecting people to give us tons of gifts, we just set up the registry to let people know what things we have our eyes on, but what we really want is for people to celebrate our wedding with us. She writes back, “Hmm, be careful or I might be tempted to sew you something.”
…Well, fine, sew me something! Handmade gifts are fabulous and special. It’s not even about the gifts, I just can’t decipher what she’s trying to say (I read these messages with a slightly snarky tone because she’s one of those people who sees you at a party and greets you with a criticism like, “Did you know you have a zit right there?”) All I can really take from it is that she personally doesn’t like what I have on my registry, because the “be careful” phrasing of her last comment makes it sound like I have just left her with no other option.
I just don’t get it. I’m starting to think that when people run around crazily screaming, “But you have to register! It’s helpful to your guests! You have to have a registry!” they’re silently adding in their minds, “…because we need something new to bitch at you about!”