(Closed) Comments about our registry making me want to crawl into a hole and die…

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Aww, I’m so so sorry. You totally don’t deserve this. First of all, your mom was totally inappropriate there. If my mom asked me whether I had 12 guests to entertain I would probably have just hung up on her. She was completely mean. You know what, just ignore them. Put all of the things that you like on your registry, and if they don’t like it, well then they can give you a gift card or cash gift. That is what I would also tell them, if it was my family… but I’m not tolerant with snarkiness at all, especially coming from my family. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I think you should stand up for yourself though, or just ignore them and be sarcastic next time they choose to make fun of the gifts you want for your own wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

πŸ™ that really sucks! Like, that r e a l l y sucks. Poking fun at your 12 place settings was probably innocent (let’s hope) but I totally think it kinda just plain mean to tell you to register for this or that, like, you must not know what you want or need! I have had to hear people complain about “oh my gosh I can’t believe she expects someone to buy her that!” from enough weddings to know its just inevitable. They can give gift cards or cash if they want right? I was really happy about my registry and I guess I’ll have to wait to see if people complain. It’s so disheartening though! (my family on both sides are making comments about parking as my reception is in San Francisco-I said I’m sorry but to have a valet would cost us $8K…) I hope you don’t let it get to ya too much:) 

Post # 5
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

If they are complaining and mocking your registry now, make a deal with them that you’ll be happy to not serve them anything made in/on or served on anything from the registry. πŸ™‚

Seriously, I’d be annoyed as all get out if someone mocked my mortar and pestle. We use our set to crush seeds for homemade bbq sauce, custom seasoning mixes, and more deliciousness.

Post # 8
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can’t help but feel that was Really B****y of your mom. WTH.

Here’s what I would do/say….
“We really just created the registry because it seems to be one of those things that everybody tells us we ‘must’ have. We put a variety of items on there, in a very broad price range. But there is certainly nothing that requires anybody to purchase off the registry. It’s simply available for those who wish to give a gift, but can’t figure out something without a little help.”

Post # 9
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Btw, you bet your sweet bippy that a mortar & pestle will be on our list. Heck, there might be a few sets! πŸ˜€

Post # 11
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Ahhh, family!!!  You can’t always live with them and you can’t kill them either.  I don’t have a fantastic relationship with my mother, but if she pulled a stunt like that I would let her have it, which would just make evryone sour and put a damper on everything.  

In My Humble Opinion, I don’t think how she approached you about her feelings of your registry was very nice, or even appropriate.  I don’t know what type of relationship you have with her, but if it’s a close one, maybe you could just let her know that what she did was hurtful and has made you feel stupid which you’re sure she didn’t want.

As far as your registry goes and the comments your aunt made…..  Well, just take a minute to think about you and that the end goal in all of this is that you will become the Mrs that you want to be and that you have no control over how other people act/behave.   Obviously the things on your registry are things that you love/want, otherwise you wouldn’t have put them there.  If people think it best to “sew” you something, well, good luck to them and yippee, the have a skill that others don’t.

My Fiance and I have a very small circle of friends, but a huge family between us, trust me when I tell you that sometimes even a 12 place setting isn’t quite enough!!

Just remember that this is about you and your Fiance getting married.  Whatever others around you feel is of little significance to how you will feel on the day.

Post # 12
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t feel ashamed of anything you put on your registry. Hell, we put a fire extinguisher on ours because we wanted practical things [lantern for if we lose power, cooler in case of pwer outage or just for a trip, slip cover for our sofa, humidifier since our noses get dry, etc]. If you want a 12 piece dinner set, put it on there! I think we have an 8 piece on ours, but I would like 12. I have 4 close friends who are all in relationships. If we get together as couples, that would be ten of us, plus my daughter. You WILL use that many, trust me. Just take everything everybody says with a grain of salt. I know, easier said than done, but ignore them. If it’s all things you want, screw what they think.

Post # 13
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

@GreenGables:  Your registry is your business, and nobody else’s! This is exactly why we need to promote that old-fashioned idea that what is on your registry is just your plan for your future household affects — not a wishlist to Santa. Here’s what I mean: you plan to get a mortar and pestle because you prefer your spices fresh ground (as do most really good cooks). Wedding presents or not, you will get that sooner or later because you need it. Similarly, you are going to need those ten place settings (not twelve, that’s actually a rather awkward number to seat at a formal table) and if you have to collect them with your Christmas bonus one per year over the next ten years, I presume you will do so for yourself. Your registry is just a planning aid, and you are very wisely planning for the long term — “until death do ye part”, and even longer!

Now, if guests want to snoop into your private household planning — and we do want to snoop, because bridal households are just so exciting — well, maybe it gives us ideas about good gifts, and maybe it doesn’t. But it absolutely doesn’t give us the right to pass judgement: we are supposed to be just a little guilty about that snooping, or at least about having to turn to a registry to come up with ideas! After all, as your nearest and dearest friends and relatives, we ought to know what your tastes and needs are without resorting to a registry.

Now, that being said, I am going to comment on your registry. Why is it a girl who is a good enough cook to value a mortar and pestle, doesn’t have a Kitchenaid stand-mixer on her registry? Maybe you can’t afford it in the first four or five years, but this should be a plan for the long-term, and that stand-mixer is the very best thing on my kitchen counter! And $110 a place-setting is very far from outrageous: I’m going to assume your mother’s partner is just a clueless male as far as fine housewares go. Even the mass-produced printed-decal glazed Royal Doulton pieces list for twice that — although one can always find them at half price.

Have you talked to your mom since? I have an unpleasant ex-sister-in-law who made that kind of comment routinely to her daughters, but she meant it in the nasty way. Your mom probably got carried away by her friends, and may be feeling guilty now that she realizes how her words might have come across. She may be worrying about having to choose between you and her new partner. Her partner may be feeling insecure and causing friction, with your mom’s attention being diverted to your wedding. It’s worth having some time with her (alone) if you can arrange it.

Oh, and as soon as you have four place settings, invite her and her partner over for a nice formal dinner πŸ˜‰

Post # 16
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you registered for items ranging from $2-$200, what’s their problem? I would stand up and say, “I’m not sure if you are aware, but we have a lot of low cost items available on our registry, and we are thankful for any wonderful gifts we get.” 

If anyone asks why so many place settings, tell them flatly that you like to entertain, and leave it at that. Not to sound like a b, but these people are more than a little rude.

 

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