(Closed) Comments made to CBCers

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: If you are CBC - who typically makes negative comments towards you?
    Family/In Laws : (18 votes)
    20 %
    Close Friends : (8 votes)
    9 %
    Work Associates : (12 votes)
    13 %
    Acquaintances/Friends of Parents : (6 votes)
    7 %
    People between the ages of 20-35 : (7 votes)
    8 %
    People between the ages of 36-50 : (9 votes)
    10 %
    People above the age of 50 : (12 votes)
    13 %
    It seems like everyone! : (14 votes)
    16 %
    Other (specify in comments) : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    2693 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2008

    I have a large italian family, none of whom feel that they need to keep their opinions to themselves.  Also, my Future Mother-In-Law had plenty to say on the subject, including that she “doesn’t have any respect for people who don’t have children/only have one children”.  I accidently hit ‘vote’ before I chose “people over 50”, which definitely applies to me as well.

    ETA: I, like you, couldn’t imagine voicing some type of judgement or opinion to someone whether they choose to ahve children or not.  My flower girl’s mom/groomsman’s wife is pregnant and I would never go next door and say ” ugh, why would you want to have another baby? don’t you think it’s ______ (insert uncessary opinion, ideal, stigma, etc)??”

    Post # 5
    Member
    5668 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Close Friends, Work Associates, Acquaintances/Friends of Parents, People between the ages of 36-50 and people above the age of 50. Really though, it seems like anyone with children so some of them are younger.

    Luckily my immediate family and FI’s family haven’t been bad at all lately. Extended family makes comments almost everytime we see them, though that’s not too often.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2693 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2008

    @Aure:  agree.  Lots of younger people who already have children.  Not too many people that are our age who don’t have kids/arent planning on it/havent decided for sure yet.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I am no longer CBC since Darling Husband and I plan on starting TTC soon, but when I was and I would announce it to people over 50 (after being prodded about why I don’t have kids yet) they gave the rudest most judgy responses. And believe it or not, work associates also gave extremely rude and judgy responses to this as well.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2893 posts
    Sugar bee

    I didn’t vote because I’m not a CBCer. But my good friend is and surprisingly, her family is very supportive of her decisions. But acquaintances and total strangers find her decision to be offensive. I think they get their confidence from anonymity. They may never see her again and have no investment in the relationship so they feel free to criticize. 

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    2693 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2008

    @Miss Smurf:  ditto on the octomom thing!! That batshit crazy woman is in a league of her own..

    Post # 11
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @Miss Smurf:  Hahahaa… I think an exception can be made for octomom; especially since she has come out publicly to call the 8 babies a “mistake” on her part. What babies need to hear that from their own mother?

    I mostly got comments from family. My sister in particular has been prodding about when I will have kids, and in the same breath will tell me how pointless my life is because I don’t have any.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1110 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Great post, I was hoping to learn this too. I agree with OP that I would never ask someone why they weren’t having kids. It’s a personal choice so the answer could very well be personal too… none of my business. I also grew up in a big family where some people had kids and some didn’t, and no one ever discussed reasons why different couples made different choices, so I had no reason to believe it was an acceptable topic of conversation.

    I dated a guy for a while whose mother claimed anyone who didn’t have children was “a waste of life”. This woman LITERALLY had no friends, the most abrasive and offensive personality in the world, no job, no accomplishments, no family because she had alienated them all, a slave of a husband and 2 horribly mean/abusive kids… and she thought that having kids was the only thing that gave any meaning to life?? It seemed to me like she was projecting her insecurities onto others. She knew she didn’t have much of a life, so she bullied people without kids and said her life was more meaningful than theirs soley because she had kids. That was also her excuse for being homophobic and said that even if a gay couple opted to adopt a child in need their lives would still be meaningless because they did not procreate. I don’t even think she believed what she was saying, it just made her feel better about herself to say it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    I didn’t vote because while I’m CBC for now….that will change. I do remember once telling my Maid/Matron of Honor in high school that ‘you’ll change your mind’ when she said she doesn’t want kids. I would never say that now. Although to be fair she has said she’d maybe like one, and has felt free to judge the number of kids that I want (more than 1-2).

    But I get people asking ALL THE TIME when I’m going to have a baby – it’s annoying enough that I’m waiting a few years, but if I were never planning on kids? It’d drive me batty.

    The list includes: family (all DH’s side….apparently my side is nice enough to not ask), friends, co-workers. Oh, and random strangers at SIL’s baby shower….including telling me to ‘eat more’ so ‘I can be next’. o_O

    Post # 14
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    HOw about all of the above, and then some?? My parents and siblings totally get it, my in laws are gettin there. Aunts and uncles, forget about it. Coworkers, older people, and acquaintances my age seem to be the rudest about it.

    I don’t think asking anyone about their sex life is anything but rude, except your closest girifriends, so WHY does everyone think its ok to ask about babies? You are basically asking someone if they are hvaing sex with their spouse? HOW IS THAT OK? It just boggles my mind, especially those that get annoyed when I give them a snarky or rude comment back

    Post # 15
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @MrsSl82be:  what bothers me the most, is that one year ago, if I had gotten pregnant, DH’s family would have FLIPPED because that’s sex outside marriage!!!!!!! But, now that we said a few words and signed a piece of paper, they’re stumbling overthemselves to basically ask if Darling Husband has good strong spermies and if we’re getting it on at the right time and enough times.

    Nevermind the fact that we are no closer financially, emotionally, maturity-wise, housing-wise, or anything-wise more prepared to have a baby now than a year ago.

    Why, upon marriage, does your sex life and uterus become public conversation?

    Post # 16
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    Like, I feel like if a 18 year old relative got pregnant, that’d be a HUGE no-no. They’d talk about how young, immature, and ill-prepared she is. But if she has that magical ring(s) on her left hand, hey, that’s awesome news!

    The topic ‘Comments made to CBCers’ is closed to new replies.

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