- 5 years ago
I need a little advice from strangers (my friends could not possibly care less about my relationship issues. I just get the “oh that’s too bad.”)
My SO is pretty great most of the time. I genuinely love him, and I know that he cares about me. (We have said “I love you” mutually and such).
The issue is commitment. I know I’m on a wedding oriented website, but I’m not necessarily pushing for marriage right now with this human being, for a plethora of reasons, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be sure that this is serious. I’m at that point where I know that for me this is a serious relationship and I want a future of some sort with SO. Which means that if he doesn’t feel the same, I can’t really work backwards, you know?
Well, I like to make jokes about marriage with him (like I’ll do something nice for him and he’ll start jokingly fawning over me and I’ll wave my ring finger at him.) He knows where I stand on marriage and we are in agreeance on that so it’s not like that is making him uncomfortable (unless he is just not saying anything…).
Sometimes I also joke about him dumping me in the next year, his next girlfriend, etc. as well. He’ told me that he doesn’t like that sort of teasing because he doesn’t want me to actually think that he’s going to dump me that soon. So I’ve started to curb that a lot (trying to halt it completely).
The issue here is that I can’t really make any comments about anything that is over a year out. He sometimes is very supportive but other times he tells me not to get my hopes up.
Once he said that he might look for a ring to get me for our next anniversary (which isn’t too far away) and I started getting really excited. It wouldn’t be anything like an engagement ring but he used to say that he’ll never get me a ring period, so I thought that he was starting to think differently about our relationship and whatnot. But then yesterday I brought it up, just asking if he still wanted to get me one because we were talking about anniversary gifts at the gym, and he told me to get back to the pull up bar because continuing the conversation would just disappoint me and he doesn’t want me to get my hopes up. I started questioning him and he said again that he’d never get me a ring ever.
He says that he doesn’t want to make me promises that he couldn’t keep (like if he says he wants to do something but then we break up, like he expects that I’ll still have expectations from him if we’re no longer together… which I’ve assured him many times doesnt make any friggin sense). I feel like he’s extremely break-up minded, which makes me really uncomfortable.
I don’t know, Bees. What are your thoughts?
Thanks for reading this far if you have?
Also, because I know that some of you will ask, we’re in our early 20s. And I am aware that we are young. And I am aware that not everything at this age lasts forever.