(Closed) Commitment ritual instead of legal wedding

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
261 posts
Helper bee

why have a committment ritual if nothing is changing?  just enjoy life together and get married when you want to.  


the legal paperwork will help for insurance, last name sharing and in the event of someone being in intensive care units, they will usually only allow spouses & family to visit.  but you could be domestic partners for all that and do a wedding when you want. 

Post # 3
3246 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Personally, I think marriage is a protector. Life is easier when you are married. Everything from medical appointments to mortgages. If you dont want a big wedding-COURTHOUSE. I did it. It was amazing and though nothing changed, everything changed and we feel closer and more content than we ever have before. Trust me. Just do it small and have a vow renewal with your kids later down the line.

Post # 4
5958 posts
Bee Keeper

truelove25:  I defnitely agree if you feel married why get married? Yipeebee:‘s situation was just like mine.  It was a lot easier to be legally married.  Not only that, but I also found things to be cheaper, like insurance (not saying that’s why we got married).  I’m glad we got married instead of just being as we were.  But I understand your feelings as well.  Do what you think is best.

Post # 5
7994 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

There are a lot of legal and financial benefits and protections to being officially married or registering a legal domestic partnership. If you want to do something small, consider a courthouse wedding. Committing to each other doesn’t have to be a big hubbub, but it is definitely something I would want to do earlier rather than later.

Post # 7
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

in my opinion, it doesn’t make sense to get your dream house if you don’t have your dream partner to share it with. if you want a huge and fancy wedding, your dream partner should want to give it to. sounds like he’s copping out.  

Post # 9
931 posts
Busy bee

I am the minority here but I have 2 children and am in a committed relationship and were not married yet. We have 2 houses, 2 cars and vacationed all over the world without problems. Hes my beneficiary and I his. We do our taxes as common law. I also work as a RN and have NEVER questioned a significant other about visiting no matter what there last name. Thats a stupid reason to get married. <br /><br />I honestly still dont want to get married. Its a hassel to me. I dont plan on changing my last name either. My fiance (ugh…I hate that word!) wants to get married and have a big party, so we will do it. Its important to him so its important to me. <br /><br />If you cant afford the wedding you want now, wait. Get settled, save up and than do it. I will warn you though….if you chose to have a house/family first it may never happen. Most men (except mine) arent driven to marry once they are settled. He will already ‘have’ you so no need to go through the motions of wedding….just my two cents. <br /><br />So to summarize…if being married at any time is imporant to you, Id do it before you have kids. If you could care less about the whole ceremony/party and are ok never being married but ok if you are-go ahead and get settled.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Mrs.Z..
Post # 10
8321 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

“he will propose… then shortly after i will buy his ring..then after we both got our rings..present our personal vows some way:), my boyfriend agrees with this idea.”

… Sounds like marriage. I don’t get it. Also, if you’re not married, don’t say you’re married. If you WANT to call yourself married, why not get married? Again… I don’t get it.

Post # 11
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you are common-law spouses already and you’re wanting to save up for the fancy big wedding, I don’t really see much of a point to a “commitment ritual.”  I would suggest you consider a small, meaningful ritual for just the two of you, completely private, exchange rings if that is what you want, and have a single celebration with all the bells and whistles and all your friends and family when you can afford the event of your dreams.  

Post # 12
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Um commitment ritual is pretty much the same thing as an engagement. Getting married is totally different. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Bored6.
Post # 13
8783 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

truelove25:  Why do you need to announce to anyone that you are committed. For me if a couple have a life together, it means they are committed whether they be married, de facto, living seperately. They do not need to make a grand announcement about it.

If you want to get professional photos of the two of you hire a photographer and take some photos.

I don’t see the point in a committment ceremony if you are going to get married later. To me it just seems like attention seeking look at me behaviour. 

If you do not like the institution of marriage and never plan on going down that path then yes a committment ceremony would be appropriate.

Post # 14
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


Marriage is far more than just a piece of paper. There are legal, financial and social benefits that are unique to marriage. 

It is obvious that your are committed to your boyfriend. If you plan on getting married someday, then there is no reason to have a commitment ceremony. If not, then a commitment ceremony would make the more sense.

Post # 15
4031 posts
Honey bee

truelove25:  Honestly, it sounds like you still want a ceremony and a stepped up version of “commitment” similar to marriage, but that maybe your SO may not be ready for that…

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