(Closed) Commitment.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
112 posts
Blushing bee

Awesome! Thanks for sharing!

Post # 3
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

Your post is both eloquent and spot on.

Bear in mind that not TOO long ago, “wedding planning” was actually a delightful and nonpressured experience, not AT ALL as it is for some now.

Maybe a perceptual shift away from “It’s you day, and if you’re not the perfect Queen of the Universe you will have ruined your life and the lives of all who love you” and toward “Looking forward to a beautiful day filled with love, family, and dear ones coming together to share our joy” is something to hope will happen.

Post # 5
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Once you get married, the commitment is NOT final! How many marriages do you know that are unhappy or go on to divorce? There is definitely a plan and goal, to stay commited to your spouse and marriage every day. It get hard when life throws you lemons after lemons, and you have no sugar or water to make lemonade.

So how do you stay in love, stay commited after your DH says that boneheaded thing that really hurt your feeling? How do you stay in love, stay commited when you haven’t slept in days because you have a newborn and now  you are having a fight about dishes, or diapers or the tone of your/his voice (for the hundreth time)?

People get in trouble because they think marriage is the end of the journey. But it’s not. It’s the beginning of the most difficult journey of you life. If done well and with conscious attention, it can be the most wonderous, beautiful journey of your life. But if neglected or allowed to coast, it can be the most horrible, disasterous journey you can ever imagine. 

So while you are waiting, don’t focus so much on the ending of your current journey (marriage is the end of the dating journey). Pay attention to the here and now and ask yourself, am I enjoying this journey? If nothing ever changed, is this the person I want to be with on this journey and future journeys? Does our relationship have what it takes to withstand it when the journey gets 10 times harder and I can’t focus my attention on the relationship or him/her? 

Go read some boards of people who are having marriage trouble. You see some common themes–

  • I subconsciously thought that marriage would change him/her or things would get better
  • I thought I knew him/her, but was blinded by love and didn’t really know who they really were
  • Dating was good, but didn’t realize he/she didn’t have the qualities that make a good marriage
  • We had something good, but neglected it because we got busy with work and kids and now we are nothing but roommates
  • His/her sex drive nose dived and he/she doesn’t care enough to change/make it better
  • Things were okay(not horribly bad) and we’d been together for X years (or I was X old) and marriage was the next step, so we did it

All of these people didn’t realize that marriage was not the end. That marriage was the beginning of a whole new different journey. And once on the journey, they didn’t make plans for how they were going to tackle the next thing or the thing after that. 

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