Committed but not engaged?

posted 1 week ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
45 posts
Newbee

Communication is key. Tell him exactly what you just told us. 

Post # 3
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

caitlinjonne :  I started dating Darling Husband at 19, moved in together the same year and we just got married 7 years later.  I assure you it has been super exciting and enjoyable,  I don’t think any length of time would make it not. 

He should not introduce you as his wife or fiance.  I don’t understand how that is a “slip up”.  That’s a conscious decision to call you something you are not but want to be, and is really unfair.  I’d shut that down.  

Have you had a real talk to your SO about getting married? Not “dreams” and fun things like the perfect ring, but an actual timeline plan for your futures together?  And not just wedding, but career, family (if you want one), housing etc?  

Money is not a barrier to getting engaged.  You can be engaged without a ring, or with a ring that is in budget.  How much is your dream ring?  If it’s diamond, could you buy the setting with a sapphire or moissanite or other cheaper stone, and upgrade down the track? 

I think the odd in between feeling you are describing will go away if you are confident you are both on the same page as far as life plan.  You will no longer be in limbo, even if nothing changes right away. 

Post # 5
Member
1874 posts
Buzzing bee

I waited a decade for this wedding, and let me tell you- I’m not excited for it. Nothing changes but a piece of paper. It’s just an expensive family reunion party, a whole lot of stress for a few hours of celebration. We did wait to long, this formality just feels dumb now, we already have a life together. My advice is to do it while the relationship is still fresh, 7 years is pushing it girl. Do I regret waiting? Yes. Will this be the best day of my life? Meh.

Post # 6
Member
45 posts
Newbee

caitlinjonne :  i understand , me and my fiancé were together for 3 1/2 years before we got engaged and mostly everyone called me his wife or fiancé Too. As a matter of fact his mom started referring to me as her daughter in law like 2 years before the official engagement. Lol so I know that awkward feeling. That’s good that he knows how you feel and that you 2 are on the same page about your commitment to each other. And it sounds like he really wants to make it special 😊 

Post # 10
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I guess we kind of did things this way, we were thinking of ourselves as a married couple long before the engagement. We had our reasons for not actually discussing marriage for a while, but were pretty much living it. His mom did treat us like we’re already married, my family not so much. The wedding was still exciting and fun, and a great excuse for a family reunion.

I do get how waiting for financial reasons can both make sense and be very frustrating. We did things the other way around – got married, but waited for years to move into a house big enough for a family. It was such an annoying feeling of being in limbo… almost like not quite being an adult because this big milestone hasn’t happened yet. I told D.H. dozens of times how frustrated I was, and he’d half-heartedly go look at houses with me, then find something wrong with each one and shoot down all the options. I couldn’t get anywhere with this until *he* felt we were ready financially.

Post # 12
Member
45 posts
Newbee

caitlinjonne :  lol it’s definitely nice to be loved by the Mother-In-Law ! 😊

i do agree with youngbrokebride though about not needing a whole lot of money to be engaged. I know not everyone will agree but me personally if it’s been 7 years I would kind of want to get the ball rolling lol. And you mentioned you don’t require an extravagant ring, so maybe have another serious talk with him and tell him that you feel it’s time to make things more official. Remind him that you don’t need an expensive ring so he won’t stress out about trying to get the money for something that costs a lot of money. However this might require that you have a long engagement Since you 2 are not financially ready for a wedding . And he did say that he did not want a long engagement. But what do you want ? If you don’t want a long engagement either then for now you may just have to wait . Personally I wouldn’t mind a long engagement. I think it would feel nice to make things more official. 

Post # 13
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Fiance called his aunt to tell her that we got engaged and she said “oh, so it’s official now!” Like no, we were never engaged! I totally wouldn’t be okay with Fiance calling me “wifey” without proposing. As PPs have said, he doesn’t need a ring or an expensive one to propose. I would look at moissaniteco website and send him links to things you want.

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