Post # 1
I’m a maid of honor in a wedding, and I’m struggling with whether to say anything about costs and how to say it.
Wedding is a destination wedding that will cost most people around $1000 to attend (that’s just the cost of flight/stay, then plus food and anything else for the week we’re there).
Bride has now announced we’re having a bachelorette party that will span 2 or 3 days before the already week wedding, and cost each person around $400+ each is my best estimate. She knew I had been working on planning the party, but did not talk with any of us about this choice- just told us.
I personally have issues with the bachelorette party because my job makes time off very difficult, and I was already missing 5 days- this party makes it 6 maybe even 7 days. I also think the cost is extravagant (not to be petty, but she complained to me when my maid of honor asked her to chip in $20 to my bachelorette party…).
Shes already very stressed about wedding planning so I don’t want to make things worse. But I don’t know if the bridal party can afford or get the days off for this party, and I would like to at least check with people because I think she’ll be disappointed if most can’t go.
Would you communicate with her about it? Or just the bridal party? No one?
Post # 2
I’d definitely communicate with her about it. I wouldn’t make it some massive confrontation – just casually tell her it sounds like a fun idea but you’re a bit worried about costs and need to check with the other members of the party about what their budget is before committing to anything.
Post # 3
I would just tell her you are worried about costs and time off work. Can the bachelorette not take place on the first day or two while everyone is already at the wedding destination?
Post # 4
She wants a ten day wedding? That’s just crazy.
I would let her know that you cannot take any more time off work. The bride has no business planning the bach party and deciding how much her maids will spend.
Post # 5
Its your pocket book, girl. You better speak up.
ETA: If you’re not comfortable talking about money, you can also simply opt out of the bachelorette party and only attend as much of the wedding festivities if you want. 3 of my bridesmaids didn’t come to my bachelorette party and I was understanding.
Post # 6
Agree with PP, be casual about it.
She shouldn’t be planning her own bachelorette party anyways…
Post # 7
And why is this wedding a week?
Post # 8
I’d start with just casually declining. It’s one thousand percent fair to say that you can’t get the time off work and don’t have it in your budget to go. You could tell her that you’d be happy to arrange a night out in town for her if she’d like that.
It might make other people feel more comfortable voicing their concerns and/or she’ll realize that it’s not reasonable. If you try to speak for the whole wedding party she may put it all on you.
She really shouldn’t be ‘announcing’ anything about her own bachelorette party anyway.It should be planned by someone else with the input of key people she wants to attend.
Post # 9
what beethree said.
The Bride has NO BUSINESS dictating a bachelorette party. Just decline. Tell the other bridesmaids too.
Post # 10
I am of the mind frame that people with week-long destination weddings forfeit the expectation of multi-night destination bachelorette parties. Her being the one to decide that for other people just makes it worse.
I wouldn’t beat around the bush. And I wouldn’t phrase it as concern. I would just flat out say that it isn’t feasible for you and you’ll have to decline. If celebrating with her is something that’s important to you and you are still willing to throw, I would soften the blow by offering to do one night on the town a few weeks before the wedding or offer to do a night on the town or maybe a get together of some sort one of the nights you’re actually at the destination for the wedding since you will be there for a week it seems.
Post # 11
You need to communicate about it sooner rather than later. This kind of “wait and see and hope she changes her mind and it all works out” mindset is exactly what leaves so many friendships in tatters and so much resentment between people who should be busy having a wonderful time celebrating a milestone together.
No need to be confrontational about it, but there is equally no need to beat around the bush either. Just approach the issue matter-of-factly.
“Hey, with the wedding already requiring a week of everyone’s vacation time plus a significant amount of money for flights and accommodations, just doesn’t make sense to increase the time commitment and costs for the bach. Let’s figure out something local we can do ahead of time or a one-evening ‘do at the destination a couple days ahead.”
Post # 13
bride sounds entitled af. Yes definitely speak with her. She needs to come back to reality.
Post # 14
Honestly I would just tell her that it’s too expensive. I would never spend $400 on a night of drinking on top of attending someone else’s vacation. Especially if the person organizing didn’t even bother to ask what my budget is.
I’m not even going to get started on how she shouldn’t be planning the party herself.
On top of it all, why can’t her bachelorette be during the same week of the wedding if you will all be away for it? Why does she need to tack on more days to the trip (again without consulting on your availability and budget?).