Communicating about costs

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
7594 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’d definitely communicate with her about it. I wouldn’t make it some massive confrontation – just casually tell her it sounds like a fun idea but you’re a bit worried about costs and need to check with the other members of the party about what their budget is before committing to anything.

Post # 3
Member
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would just tell her you are worried about costs and time off work.  Can the bachelorette not take place on the first day or two while everyone is already at the wedding destination?

Post # 4
Member
7482 posts
Busy Beekeeper

She wants a ten day wedding? That’s just crazy. 

I would let her know that you cannot take any more time off work. The bride has no business planning the bach party and deciding how much her maids will spend. 

Post # 5
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee

Its your pocket book, girl.  You better speak up.

 

ETA:  If you’re not comfortable talking about money, you can also simply opt out of the bachelorette party and only attend as much of the wedding festivities if you want.  3 of my bridesmaids didn’t come to my bachelorette party and I was understanding.  

Post # 6
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
ladybuggy :  Agree with PP, be casual about it. 

She shouldn’t be planning her own bachelorette party anyways…

Post # 7
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee

And why is this wedding a week?  

Post # 8
Member
2707 posts
Sugar bee

I’d start with just casually declining. It’s one thousand percent fair to say that you can’t get the time off work and don’t have it in your budget to go. You could tell her that you’d be happy to arrange a night out in town for her if she’d like that. 

It might make other people feel more comfortable voicing their concerns and/or she’ll realize that it’s not reasonable. If you try to speak for the whole wedding party she may put it all on you. 

She really shouldn’t be ‘announcing’ anything about her own bachelorette party anyway.It should be planned by someone else with the input of key people she wants to attend. 

Post # 9
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

what beethree said. 

The Bride has NO BUSINESS dictating a bachelorette party. Just decline. Tell the other bridesmaids too.

Post # 10
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee

I am of the mind frame that people with week-long destination weddings forfeit the expectation of multi-night destination bachelorette parties. Her being the one to decide that for other people just makes it worse.

I wouldn’t beat around the bush. And I wouldn’t phrase it as concern. I would just flat out say that it isn’t feasible for you and you’ll have to decline. If celebrating with her is something that’s important to you and you are still willing to throw, I would soften the blow by offering to do one night on the town a few weeks before the wedding or offer to do a night on the town or maybe a get together of some sort one of the nights you’re actually at the destination for the wedding since you will be there for a week it seems.

Post # 11
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

You need to communicate about it sooner rather than later. This kind of “wait and see and hope she changes her mind and it all works out” mindset is exactly what leaves so many friendships in tatters and so much resentment between people who should be busy having a wonderful time celebrating a milestone together.

No need to be confrontational about it, but there is equally no need to beat around the bush either. Just approach the issue matter-of-factly.

“Hey, with the wedding already requiring a week of everyone’s vacation time plus a significant amount of money for flights and accommodations, just doesn’t make sense to increase the time commitment and costs for the bach. Let’s figure out something local we can do ahead of time or a one-evening ‘do at the destination a couple days ahead.”

 

Post # 12
Member
7482 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
sboom :  Perfect.

Post # 13
Member
3343 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
ladybuggy :  bride sounds entitled af. Yes definitely speak with her.  She needs to come back to reality. 

Post # 14
Member
2245 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Honestly I would just tell her that it’s too expensive. I would never spend $400 on a night of drinking on top of attending someone else’s vacation.  Especially if the person organizing didn’t even bother to ask what my budget is.

I’m not even going to get started on how she shouldn’t be planning the party herself.

On top of it all, why can’t her bachelorette be during the same week of the wedding if you will all be away for it? Why does she need to tack on more days to the trip (again without consulting on your availability and budget?). 

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