(Closed) Communication and other issues w/DH

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 18
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would have to say that I agree with the other ladies…

 

Everything you wrote out, those are big signs of the other party stepping outside of the relationship.

You shouldn’t be afraid to discuss big topics with your husband. He is your spouse, your partner, the one you commited your life to. He is the one you should have those types of conversations with. If it is turning into World War 99 when you do talk about those things, then counseling is in serious need.

 

The buying the condoms, yea that doesn’t make sense. Especially since y’all are actively TTC. I mean unless your husband is hung like a horse, then I’m not buying the “had my size” line.

 

The accusing you of things, usually when someone is guilty of something, they point the finger at the other person to take the attention away from themselves.

 

Regardless if it starts a arguement, you deserve and have the right to be heard. You have issues and you need to talk things over with him. If you can’t talk things out with your own spouse, then what is left?

 

I hope that you can work things out and wish you all the luck in the world! xoxo

Post # 19
Hostess
2683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly, I mean this in the most caring way possible but it will probably read fairly harshly, but that’s because I’ve been reading weddingbee for years at this point and have seen many of your posts. 

  • Your husband lied to you about the way he approached relationships before, and has cheated on previous partners. 

 

  • Your husband lied to you about his experience with a prostitute. (I say this without judgement of sex work and having visited places like Amsterdam and Thailand). While fighting to go on a boys trip to Amsterdam. 

 

  • You have several threads where you mention snooping through his email communication. 

 

  • There are several threads in which you lament volitle fightss.

 

  • Now your DH is distant, he’s avoiding being intimate with you, and is generally not treating you well. 

 

  • You’re afraid to talk to him. 

So, in all honesty, why are you with him? What are you getting out of this relationship? It doesn’t sound very stable, much less open and encouraging. Honey, I’m sorry to say this, but I think trying to have a baby right now is a really big mistake. You don’t trust your partner, he’s not respectful, and he doesn’t sound like he helps you out much now. Absolutely none of this is going to change when you have a baby. 

 

I understand the feeling of wanting to have a baby, I absolutely do. But I really encourage you to step back for a year or so, work on your relationship, and try to decide whether this is the healthy family dynamic you want to bring other human beings into. 

 

*hugs*

 

Post # 22
Hostess
2683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@texasbee:  I’m glad you came back and updated us because I’ve been keeping an eye on this threat and waiting to hear something. I really commend you for working on this. I still have a hard time with the fact that your husband appears (from what you tell us, recognizing there might be holes) to take zero responsibilty or put himself in your shoes. I think you’re really brave and strong for trying to work on this. I do really hope that you guys can get yourselves into see a counselor who might be able to help mediate as you guys work through some of these issues to find a middle ground. 

Please hang in there. Start to consider what you’re willing to compromise on, and what you can’t. I think helping to understand what your “bottom lines” are will really help you choose how to move forward.

Post # 23
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Cheating.

Post # 24
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

@texasbee:  I really second the typing a letter of your feelings idea, and have used this technique when I knew what I wanted to say would be too difficult face-to-face. It gives you time to word things well and non-offensively, gives you an outlet to cry or anger it out before confronting your partner and gives your partner time to read and re-read things and let it all sink in before cutting off the conversation before you’ve said all you wanted to say.

Sending hugs and keep us updated!

Post # 26
Member
1906 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@megz06:  +10000

sorry but aaall the signs are there. I’d say hes being unfaithful. 

Hugs I hope you work it out xx

Post # 27
Member
1906 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Just read your abovcomments and that’s so good u have worked it out. 🙂 I’m so glad!!!

Post # 28
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

@texasbee:  Thanks for the update! I’m SO glad your husband finally sat down and made the time to talk things out with you and that his working schedule will change soon (if I understood correctly)!!

Post # 29
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

@texasbee:   I am glad to see that things are working out for you two! Hopefully he remembers this situation, and he doesn’t revert back to his old ways. For your sake I hope it really was just the commute getting to him! Did you solve the whole porn/sex situation? Are you guys going to hold off on TTC? Hopefully it all works out for you, and you guys can make a happy family! 

Post # 31
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee

@texasbee:  So glad to hear it’s all working out. Very happy for you.

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