Post # 1
It has become increasingly clear that my Maid/Matron of Honor and I are not on the same page. I have tried to talk to her about it a few times already, but she is not understanding me. I’m hoping someone can help me think of a different way to frame it.
Basically I’m just discovering through this wedding planning process that she and I have very different ideas about money. She wants to find THE ABSOLUTE LOWEST PRICE on everything and is totally willing to sacrifice quality, engage in questionable DIY projects, and buy from super sketchy sources to acheive that goal.
I am willing to spend for good quality and brands I trust, but I would like to get the best possible price on what I want. So like I’ll wait until I have a coupon, comparison shop online, etc.
So like when I was looking for dresses, she wanted to help, so I would send her links to like Maggie Sottero dresses I liked that weren’t available in stores yet, and she would send me back links from these Chinese knockoff sites all proud of herself that she found “the same dress” for 1/10th the price.
She WANTS to help and is always asking what she can do to help me. And I would love to have her help. I just feel like it a waste of both our time if she is sending me stuff I would never in a million years consider paying money for.
It’s not just the dress stuff… if I send her a link to invitations, she will be like “omg those are so expensive you should just DIY!” (I don’t want to!!), or if I send a link to three pairs of shoes and ask which she likes best she’ll say “Damn, those are expensive!” (that’s not what I asked!!). It’s like everything, I feel like I can’t talk to her about anything because she can’t get past the idea of what SHE would spend on something and she always just makes me feel bad for spending what I’m spending. And I know she is noticing and starting to feel bad that I’m not talking to her about stuff as much. I just need her to stop making me feel like a bad person for liking nice things 🙁
I need a REALLY diplomatic way of bringing it up because she will get super defensive otherwise.
What do I do???
Post # 3
@TrousseauHorse: Honestly, if you want her to feel involved, I would just carry on as you have been. How much time does it really take to read her email response then say “Thanks for the information”?
You don’t have to engage in a debate about every item and you can still make the final decision.
If you don’t want to carry on this way, and you want her to be involved, can you find some item you don’t really care about ( like assembling the bathroom basket) and let her run with it?
Post # 4
It’s simple you guys have very different ideas and taste, and if you going to take it so personal stop sending her links.
As her for budget for the dress, hopefully it’s reasonable, and go from there on finding a price you both can agree on.
Post # 5
@TrousseauHorse: Maybe send the pictures of stuff instead of the links? That way she will only see the product and not the prices. And if she asks you can just say they are all on sale for a good price, or just say they are in your budget!
Post # 6
Honestly, I would just be super appreciative that I had a good friend who was supportive and willing to HELP me in the whole wedding planning process. There are so many women who come to these boards complaining about how awful their MOHs are everyday. I’m not trying to judge, but your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t sound that bad given how responsive and supportive she is.
Everyone is different when it comes to managing money. To her, saving money is really important to her and for you, having nice things is worth the price of paying a little extra. If I were in your shoes, I’d just appreciate that my Maid/Matron of Honor was so different from me and that her unique perspective on things could be beneficial sometimes (esp for things that don’t matter and you could save $$ on).
Like the other pps said, you don’t have to ask her opinion on EVERY detail of your wedding nor do you have to read her emails if you don’t agree with her. I definitely wouldn’t take anything she says personally because she’s just trying to help and doesn’t seem to have a mean intent in anything she does.