- 7 years ago
Hey bees! I need some advice. My Fiance and I are 22, been engaged for 2 months and dating for over 3 years. In most areas of our relationship we are great, but when it comes to communication we have some problems. I want to get us into some pre-martial counseling that might help us work on this, but it will take some time, since I’m going to full time school and he’s active duty military.
The most recent example has been the past couple days. On Sunday, I learned that he’s being stationed overseas, which means that I won’t see him except maybe once or twice a year and that’s if we’re lucky, for the next four years. The day he told me, he was great, said “we love each other, we’ll make it work” and that “we’re in this together”. I went ahead and warned him I would probably still be upset over the next couple days and sent this message on Sunday:
Me: “We may not need to talk by skype tomorrow, I’m gonna look pretty awful” (As in I’ll probably have been crying, and it will show, which I didn’t want him to see, and clarified for him in another message).
The next day, Monday, he did not check in on me to see how I was doing (which I’ve very specifically asked him to do in the past if I’m upset or sick, etc), did not reply to my text messages (3 total) and phone calls (2 on the phone, 1 by skype while he was logged in). I had gotten more bad news that day and needed to talk to him. So I told him that I was feeling ignored, that I needed to talk to him, and that his unresponsiveness was making me more upset, (by text message since he still wouldn’t answer his phone). (He was free from 5pm to 10pm and would have had plenty of opportunity to message me back, or explain that something came up and he was busy).
On Tuesday, still no response or attempts to talk to me, and I end up calling him around 10 that night, and he says, “sorry I went ahead and went to sleep”, and this was after I had gotten even MORE bad news and needed to talk to him, again. I told him to go back to sleep since he was too tired to really listen/respond to me and I sent him a text message to explain, again, that him going from “we’re in this together” to disappearing on me, has made me really angry, and I get this text message, early this morning:
Fiance: “You said to leave you alone so I did”
WHAT? When did I ever say that? Did I imply it somehow, that I’m not picking up on? Did all those attempts to get in contact with him just somehow say “leave me alone?” Am I crazy? We’ve had problems with communication before, this is nothing new, and I’m not agreeing on a date until we work on it, but is it me?? Please be brutally honest.
I’m having a horrible week and I just really need his support right now. I’m so confused.