(Closed) Communion conflict! HELP

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee

@mayflowerbride13:  That is a really tough situation when family members get involved (esp when they are not on your side of the family). I definitely understand where your Future Mother-In-Law is coming from – sharing the Eucharist is the heart of a Catholic Mass. But its not her wedding, its yours, so you have to decide whats best for you. I agree with you that taking Communion would not be appropriate for you and your Fiance, since its not something that aligns with your modified views.

From reading this, it sounds like you really would rather get married outside of the church. Maybe you could reach a compromise and find a retired priest who is willing to do a ceremony outside of the church? That way, you can incorporate any spiritual aspects into your ceremony, but still avoid the organized religion bit. For the ceremony site, look into public parks or nondenominational religious organizations that may allow you to use their space.

I know that doesn’t really answer your question, but hopefully it helps!

Post # 4
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I disagree with your Future Mother-In-Law and suggest that you both talk to your priest or her priest or any priest.  I am going through something similar; according to our priest, the essence of a Catholic Wedding is the VOWS.  We are having a vow ceremony so that the non-Catholics don’t feel excluded.    Future Mother-In-Law won’t be able to argue with advice from a priest.

Sorry you are going through this — the religion issues are so sensitive.

Post # 5
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree that you need to speak with your Priest. I think if he says you don’t have to have communion and it’s not required, especially if you both don’t want to have it, then she can’t say anything- what the priest says, goes. It’s a tough situation and I understand where you’re coming from- we’re having my FI’s Grandfather marry us who’s a retired southern baptist minister. Neither Fiance or I practice anything and I am as far as you can get from a southern baptist. It was important to him, so I compromised and said it was fine, although I think you and I feel similar when it comes to organized religion, I was also raised Catholic. 

My sister had to deal with this when marrying a super catholic. To the point where her Mother-In-Law sent her reading material on how she needed to dress like the Virgin Mary on her wedding day (nothing below 2 fingers beneath your collar-bone and nothing cut above your elbow- MY SCRUBS ARE MORE REVEALING THAN THIS!). 

This is long and all over the place. Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like a piece of work and you may have to make compromises here and there, but it is YOUR wedding day. Stick to your guns, she’ll get over it.

Post # 6
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Having Communion at a wedding is awkward for non-Catholic guests.  That might be a good way to convince people…  In the end, it’s your and your fiance’s wedding, not your future mother-in-law’s wedding.  You get to decide.  

Post # 9
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d have to echo what others have touched on— if I were no longer practicing a religion and did not feel morally comfortable with recieving their sacrament, I would be very reluctant to marry in their church. This of course makes it more difficult on you to plan a wedding that will not upset the deeply religious family members, but I’d much rather be shouted at by a Father-In-Law than commit what many consider is a sacrilege by taking part in a holy sacrament without truly believing in it.

Post # 10
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mayflowerbride13:  You know, I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure you can’t do communion outdoors. I’m pretty sure in the Catholic church it can only be in the church, since the tabernacle and all is there. So, maybe you could just keep searching and try to find something outdoor for your guests and that way you can avoid the communion crazyness. I’m not super catholic, clearly, but on my wedding day, my vows to my husband take precedent over EVERYTHING else.

Post # 12
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you need to take a step back and really figure out what it is you both want. To go from small destination to 250 people is an ENORMOUS difference.

OMG, I just looked to see when you’re getting married and we’re date twins!

Anyways, take a step back with your Fiance and write a list of what are the most important things for you both on your wedding day. And you know what, stop mentioning the wedding or saying anything about it to your Future Mother-In-Law. It is y’alls wedding and you’ll figure it out and it’ll be perfect, even if that means cutting the guest list drastically or, in my case, not having a damn wedding cake because we don’t like it. Make decisions between the two of you that are right for you.

Post # 14
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Your Future Mother-In-Law is wrong, doctrinally speaking, about Communion at a wedding. A wedding without Mass is still a wedding, still completely valid, even between two baptized Catholics. Some friends of mine (both strongly Catholic, him since birth, she converted a few months before their wedding) opted not to do Communion at their wedding because it would not have included all of the bride’s extended family, even though she herself could and would have received.

It sounds, though, like the church’s rules about Communion at a wedding is just the surface issue here and really this is more about a family conflict and sorting out what you guys want. Have you suggested that you wanted an outdoor, non-Catholic wedding? It will make her upset, of course, but maybe you suggest that and then a church wedding without Communion becomes an acceptable compromise?

Post # 16
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was raised very religious but as an adult, I identify as atheist.  Both sides are very upset that we’re not having a priest at all–they were both hoping for us to get married in a church.  My rationale is this:

I do not practice nor believe what that church or priest believes.  By having my wedding there or having a religious figure marry us, I am hijacking someone’s beliefs for my own convenience and to keep up a facade.  It’s probably the rudest and most disrespectful thing I could think of.  

If you’re not practicing and you don’t see yourself changing that, don’t do the Communion and don’t get married in the church.  If you got married in the church, you’d have to take classes and counseling with the priest and would basically be lying to him when you promise to raise your children in the church, when you promise to uphold Catholic canon and law and telling this person that you believe in things that you do not.  Basically, you’ll be sitting there saying “I’m going to agree with you on these things that you’ve devoted your life to that I do not believe in so I can get my Future Mother-In-Law to shut her face.”

 

ETA: Also don’t tell her your plans until the very last minute–about anything.  If she asks just say “We’re working on it, thanks.  Oooh look, something shiny.”

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