(Closed) Competing with my Future Mom In Law for control of my wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would definately have Fiance talk to her, but as you said he needs to appear united with you. “This is what WE decided and what WE want.” If it comes down to you talking to her tell her how you have kept people in your own family off the list and wouldn’t feel right inviting others that you as a couple aren’t close to.

Post # 4
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@FMBS: Is she paying for your wedding? If so, her opinions should be listened to and a compromise should try to be reached. However, if she’s not paying for it and you’re not asking her to, I think you should do what you want. Keep telling her that it’s your wedding and you want to keep it small. Also, I really think your Fiance should be standing up to her as well. She’s his mom so he knows her best and should be able to handle her. But anyway I know how much it sucks to feel like you’re in a constant battle for control with your Future Mother-In-Law, and I really hope she backs off. FMILs can be hell when it comes to wedding planning.

Post # 5
Member
46328 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your Fiance needs to grow a set and talk to his Mom.

If he won’t, then you just keep repeating what you have already said. “We have already determined that we can only have 90 people at the wedding. If you really want to invite these new guests, please let us know who you have chosen to remove from your list.We are not able to accomodate any more than 90 people.”

Post # 6
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had the same problem with my FIL’s. It just continued to escalate because they wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. We gave them a specific number they could invite and that was it. The problem for me, is that they are contributing to our wedding (each of his parents are contributing about 15%) but Fiance and I are paying for the other 70% plus honeymoon. I tried to be fair about it, but bottom line was they could each invite 2 couples that were their friends, or remove family they had on their list. It didn’t go over well and caused a huge fight, but my Fiance stood up for me, and they eventually backed down. I have to say, the guest list was probably the WORST thing we had to deal with! Good luck!!

Post # 8
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@FMBS: That is so aggravating! Just do your best to tune her out & keep reaffirming your plans for the wedding. If she wants to sound like a broken record, do the same back to her. She needs to understand that this isn’t her big day. Furthermore, she isn’t paying for anything PLUS you’ve already allowed your wedding to evolve into a 90 person event.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@FMBS: I wouldn’t include her as a bridesmaid just because his mom thinks you should. I’m having my sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but Fiance isn’t asking my brother. Neither am I asking my Future Sister-In-Law. We aren’t close and your bridal party should be people you feel close to and want to hold your hand that day. It shouldn’t be about family politics.

Your Fiance really should grow a pair, sit down with his mom and let her know how things are going to be.

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