Post # 1
I just wanted to get your perspective on something since I feel that this situation is really odd and I need an objective opinion on it. Basically, I got engaged recently. My brother is also engaged (has been for a few years now) and his fiance seemed happy for me and congratulated me. I really am not the type to be flashy and show off my ring, so I just have been keeping it to myself unless someone asks to see it. She never has asked but I assume she’s seen it as I’ve seen her a few times since getting engaged.
Anyway, long story short–she has now asked my brother to get her a bigger ring. They’re getting married in 3 months so it makes no sense to me that she would want a bigger one now–as opposed to after they get married or for an anniversary. But I feel kind of weird around her now–like this has turned into some weird competition. I also feel bad for my brother, and think about how much it might hurt him since he picked that ring for her when he didn’t have much money and he did the best he could. Now she’s asking for something close to $10K, which he cannot afford. I guess it’s none of my business but he’s my brother and I feel bad for him–and partly I feel weird now around her since I try to hide my ring. Mine is not huge (1.5 carats), but it is certainly bigger than hers and I just feel odd about this whole thing.
Am I overreacting? Could it be she just randomly decided she wants a bigger ring and it has nothing to do with me? I need some perspective!!
Post # 3
I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that it has nothing to do with your ring and recent engagement.
That said it’s kind of sucky for your brother that she wants something so expensive that he can’t afford. It’s between the two of them though.
Post # 4
I would try not to worry about it, it may have nothing to do with you!
Post # 5
I personally think its weird to “upgrade” or change ones engagment ring, but doing what shes doing sounds super odd. I would feel really bad for your brother. I cant imagine how hurt my fiance would be if i told him I wanted a different ring as he poured so much time into picking and designing the ring for me. Whether or not shes competing, she sounds kind of shallow and insensitive. I would be offended on behalf of my brother.
Post # 6
Its only a competition if you participate in it. I would just ignore her.
Also, don’t feel too bad for your brother he didn’t have to give in to her demand for an upgrade. If I told my Darling Husband I wanted a bigger diamond he would laugh at me.
Post # 7
IMO I think she does see it as a competition, as sad as that sounds. I am the last of 3 sisters to get married. My middle sister had this HUGE ring compared to me, seriousl, I think it’s like 3k. It doesn’t make me feel bad about my 1.5k ring, but it makes my fiance feel bad. He is always asking me if I want a bigger ring. I tell him that it’s not the size of the ring, but the symbolism behind it. He was so proud that he chose the ring for me on his own and did everything without me knowing about it. I love my ring, and for me it’s the perfect size. It’s shouldn’t be a competition, but sadly for some people that’s how they see it. The amount of love a person has isn’t shown in the size of the ring, shoot, look at Kim K, her wedding only last 75 days LOL.
Post # 8
I remember I was taking a class once with a girl who got engaged. Her soon-to-be sis in law got engaged and had a bigger ring. So the girl in my class admitted to us and insisted that she needed a bigger engagement ring. And got one.
It’s definitely competition. But it’s not your problem, it’s your brother’s problem, sadly for him.
Post # 9
Who knows, it could be because she wanted a bigger ring than yours, or some other girl friend she knows, or whatever. So many variables. It could be the start of a competition between you two, or it could not. Like a PP said, it is only a competition if you participate. Don’t let it damper your wedding planning and engagement bliss. Enjoy and good luck!
Post # 10
@RhubarbPie: You described exactly how I felt after I learned from my a close relative that she’s putting my brother in this position. I mean, he’s already doing everything he can to give her the wedding of her dreams and they just bought a house–even though he is so young (26) and just starting in his professional career, so money is definitely tight. So I just look at how he has a mortgage to pay and a big wedding–our families our helping them financially with the wedding though. And to top it off she wants this really expensive ring–right now.
A part of me feels bad because when I got engaged I had a few family members who actually told me she would see the ring and end up asking for a bigger one. I never thought she would be that kind of person, so that is why I’m really surprised that she’s now doing this. I guess I need to really just mind my own business, but it hurts me to see my brother placed in this position. My Fiance and I are 5 years older so we’re in a different position finanically–but I would never ask him to get a bigger ring just because someone else has one and would be considerate of his financial situation. I would like to think that my Future Sister-In-Law would do the same for my brother once they’re married.
Post # 11
@LGenz: So true! I just hope this is not the start of something ugly for the rest of our lives. Either way, I certainly won’t be participating, it’s just not in my personality.
Post # 12
it could be a competition on her end…but as long as you don’t participate, who cares.
But I would advise you to stay away from your Future Sister-In-Law, especially during this sensitive time. My sister just had her wedding a few months ago and we both got engaged around the same time. Even though none of us were being competitive, but there were times I had to be extra careful not to offend her/make her feel bad (since my budget was higher). In your case, since she seems like competitive, I will keep myself a distance from her on the wedding planning.
But in the end, even if she is competitive on your ring, it’s between the two of them. Your brother can always say no to a bigger ring. Maybe get her one at a later time in life when they have more money.
Like other bees here, if I had asked for a bigger ring, he would’ve laughed at me, and possibly call off the engagement 😛
Post # 13
I think you should assume that the ring has nothing to do with you and try not to get too judgy about them upgrading. You never know what’s going on behind closed doors. It might have been your brother’s idea to eventually get a bigger stone and she’s just taking him up on it now like you said before the wedding.
Post # 14
Who knows, who cares. This is between her and your brother. I feel sorry for him though if she’s demanding something ridiculously out of his (or their) budget.
Post # 15
@moderndaisy: Well, for some reason, a close family member decided to disclose all the details to me about this situation because my brother confided in her–so basically I know for a fact that my brother is not happy about her request and actually got pretty upset because he cannot afford it. I’m not sure why I was even told about this, but since then I’ve been feeling bad for him. But in the end he’s an adult and he should be able to handle this on his own. I guess I’ll always see him as my baby brother!