(Closed) Competitive/hostile women at work?

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Chris Rock made a joke that every woman has another woman at her job that she hates. that is the bane of her existance. I believe this to be true.

Mine is a Gay man…oh man does he grind my gears

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaOUnwfD1dQ

Post # 4
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmmmm… well what are some of the things they are saying?  How do they take credit for your work?  Do they tell your boss they did X when really you did?  Or do they just not put your name on stuff?

I think I would take what they are saying and see if there is any truth to it.  Maybe it’s your fault, maybe it’s their’s, or maybe there is just a lack of communication.

 

Post # 5
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  That’s one of the best ways to put it!

Women drive each other crazier than they should.  We all have such different views and ideas, and for some reason, the cliquiness of a work place turns things into high school lunch room so quick its nuts.  

My Future Mother-In-Law calls it “Alpha Female” syndrome… but the problem is, at times, every female is the Alpha.  There is just no getting around it. 

I’ve learned to pick my battles, and not bring in HR until they say something like “I hope you get fired”. Especially when you haven’t done anything wrong to deserve being fired. 

Post # 6
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  Mine is a pretentious douchebag. Yep, I think everyone hates someone they work with!

Post # 7
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t know. At one of my past jobs there was a girl like this. She was constantly bragging to me about something. What the manager said to her. How much she was making (totally unprofessional by the way!). Stuff like that. She would constantly tell me that I was indecisive and I would not make a good leader. When interviews for promotions came up, she was at her worst. She made a point of saying that she wasn’t there to make friends. I just seemed to be her main target for some reason.

Now, I was never really looking to get promoted (I was never really serious about that job) so her behavior just baffled me. I worked hard and the manager did tend to favor me by giving me the best hours. I got along better with the other coworkers then she did, but thats about it. It was just so weird and funny to me because I never showed up to the interviews for the promotions or expressed any interest in moving up ever. I was fine with my stress-free position and I was seeking other employment at the time. Yet, she made a point to question my leadership skills. ?????

I eventually just stopped talking to her and focused on my job. I felt like punching her many times, trust me. I decided it was just best to ignore her. Who needs that drama, you know?

 

Post # 8
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

UGH You must work with an old coworker of mine.

I used to work with this girl, tall, thin, blonde who thought she was all that. I’m short, petite, with auburn hair. I can be a people person when I want, charming, etc., and I got promoted over her (I was also hired in before she was). I’m not the kind of person who wants conflict at work, and so I try to be civil with everyone and don’t deal well with bullshit. She decided to quit and move to LA and go to acting school and assumed that she’d get a million offers ASAP. She didn’t, and moved back here all bitter. She came back to her job and got promoted to my same position. After that, she started trying to turn people against me. 

After I got taken in and disciplined by three of my four bosses (talk about unnecessary) for something that never happened (I refused to sign the write up), I knew something was up. I found out not too long after that she was trying to convince the cashiers to tell her anything and everything bad about me so that she could get me fired. They ended up all telling her to fuck off except one (who wasn’t a surprise), but they had to sit there and make things up! 

Let’s see, she also DEMANDED that Fiance and I not get married before she did (nevermind that we were two years from being engaged when she got married).

After I quit, she got really drunk at a going away party for my Fiance and pulled me aside to tearfully apologize.

Post # 9
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

In my ummm 6 jobs I have had I can honestly say I havent felt like this. There have been people I dont care for, but I have been friendly with all of them and they have been friendly to me.

Maybe, without trying to, you are placing yourself in a competative position instead of a friendly coworker position. Stop by their desks in the morning to chat for a second. Send them a work-appropriate joke via email.  The nicer you are, the nicer they will be is usually the case.

I remember my mom telling me when I was younger when I complained “I dont like Diane across the street.”  She said “Well, Threemeers, she probably doesnt like you either. So you either try to like her and be friendly so she will end up liking you and you can be friends and play together or you can keep on not liking each other and play by yourselves”

Purposely or not, these things are not usually one sided and it can be a perpetual cycle. So try to step back and see what you can do differently to break the cycle. Maybe its inviting everyone to have lunch together one day. Bringing in brownies for everyone or praising their work not only to them, but in front of the boss.

Post # 10
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh, hate that. Fortunately where I work now, women are very supportive of eachother, but I haven’t found that to be true everywhere.  

 

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” -Madeleine Albright

Post # 11
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have a friend who feels like this at every job she has been at. She is my friend and I like her but I think the common denominator is her at this point. I’ve never felt like this at any job.

– I’m usually too busy to notice what others are saying/doing unless it directly affects me

– there are always people I dislike but it ends there. I find a way to work with everyone bc you never know when you may need them. I doubt anyone really has time to be watching me or competing with me unless we are working the same job on the same level.

Post # 12
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@vorpalette:  I hate it when people who were mean to me appologize. OH THAT grinds my gears! If you are mean to me, please let it be because you didn’t like me 100%! It  NEVER feels genuine. It always feels like they are trying to get over on Karma.

Whenever people try to appologize for their HORRIBLE behavior to me in past situations (work, school, ect) I just get the dead-eyes and say “ok”.

Like…..what is it you are so afraid of that you feel you have to make up for past sins? Why couldn’t you just have been a good person?

The one that pissed me off the most (and I know it is horrible to feel this way, please forgive) is when a girl who was shitty to me in HS got diagnosed with something and came to me all appologetic on FB. You know if you weren’t sick you wouldn’t have given your behavor a second thought. Nothing like facing your own mortality to make one repent. I accepted her appology and informed her that I was completely unaware of her behavior and I had more important things on my plate then what she thought in high school, so it didn’t directly effect me. 

Nothing like Living Well as the best revenge.

Sorry if I believe in personal responcibility. It is harder to be a good/nice person then it is to be a sheep/bitch

Post # 13
Member
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m sorry you work in a bad environment, but at least they’re trying to hide it….

At this very moment, I am trapped in a building with three, that’s right, THREE women in the throes of menopause…now we’re all trying to be sympathetic, but our heating/cooling system just can’t keep up with their “personal summers”…it would be really cool if they could coordinate those…since it’s 55 degrees in here one minute and the 82 the next….but I know that’s just a pipe dream…

This morning one of them was crying in the filing room because a client’s company has the same name as her daughter….and she’s NEVER going to be little again!!!! 

Meanwhile, the other two are duking it out over who gets to stand in front of the refrigerator….oh boy….I want to be home now.

But regardless of what you might be doing, that kind of behavior is childish and counter-productive…so the only solution I can think of, is to hide an open can of tuna somewhere behind their desks, back where all the wires and stuff are…back where it gets kind of hot after a day of running….you give them a smell to try and find and I’ll bet they leave you alone!

Post # 14
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My last job was mostly women, and it was legit Mean Girls version 2.0. I understand drama happens in high school (and hell, I was in a sorority in college), but come ON! It got really bad with a few people (both in the giving and receiving), and one of the last straws for me was a girl relentlessly and BLATANTLY going after my Fiance (he was my SO at the time, but still!!) She’d also tried to sabotage my progress, which didn’t work out so well for her, but good lord. 

At my current company, my department is like 98% women, but there’s such a low level of hostility. It’s really put my faith back in people!!!

Post # 15
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My last job was mostly women, and it was legit Mean Girls version 2.0. I understand drama happens in high school (and hell, I was in a sorority in college), but come ON! It got really bad with a few people (both in the giving and receiving), and one of the last straws for me was a girl relentlessly and BLATANTLY going after my Fiance (he was my SO at the time, but still!!) She’d also tried to sabotage my progress, which didn’t work out so well for her, but good lord. 

At my current company, my department is like 98% women, but there’s such a low level of hostility. It’s really put my faith back in people!!!

Post # 16
Member
3427 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would just keep on doing what you’re doing.  Obviously you’re making them nervous. That’s a good thing!! Bulldoze thorough the bullshit I repeat that saying quite a few times to myself over the course of my work days.  I also work with some real nasty women. 

 

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