- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I have never posted. I’m really struggling though and need some advice and/or personal experience stories. This might be a little long. I apologize in advance and thank anyone who comments.
I am planning on leaving my fiance. He is a good man but not the man for me. I do love him, and he loves me, but I don’t feel we have what it takes for long term combatibility and a life together. I think we jumped into our relationship too soon and didn’t know each other well enough to realize what we were doing; living together after three months, engaged after eight months, due to marry on Sept 1.
I have had these feelings for a couple months. Initially I pushed the odd thought to the back of my mind; I remember thinking, “I wish he would cheat, so I would have a good reason to break up with him,” or “I guess if we don’t work out, we can always get a divorce.” I even remember one time, and I’m ashamed to admit this, that I had the thought where he was in a terrible car wreck and I had no choice but to move on. I don’t enjoy thinking about our wedding or planning for it and when I think of walking down the aisle towards him, I don’t feel happiness or excitement, just apathy and sometimes a little despair.
He is not a bad man, just not the man for me. I know it is right to break it off. Here’s the dilemma:
He is out of town for work. As I mentioned, I’ve had these feelings for a couple months but have only really allowed myself to think about them and analyze them for the past couple of weeks. So next time I see him, I plan to break it off. But in the interim, I’ve been trying to act normal. I didn’t want him to worry and be distracted when he’s trying to get established in his new job, taking tests and stuff. So he might have a small idea that something’s up, but it’s probably gonna be coming mostly out of left field for him. Making matters worse, he has a daughter who I have been caring for in his absence and he will have to make arrangements for her.
I just don’t know what’s right. I know this will really hurt him. He loves me and depends on me. I just can’t marry him. There are things about him that it’s not fair or realistic for me to think will change just because we get married. We don’t really have many common interests and we have very different lifestyles, even though we have similar life goals.
My post is becoming very jumbled. I have been stressing and worrying about this for a couple weeks now and it’s hard for me to hold together. Basically what I want to know is:
1.) Is it better to let him know in advance what is going to happen when we meet up? This means basically breaking up with him on the phone, and then driving to drop his daughter with him. Or is it better to wait and have the conversation in person, which ends up being a total shock?
2.) If any of you have any stories of yourself or someone you know who called off the wedding and was happier for it, please share…I really need the inspiration right now. I know that this is the right thing for me/us. But once I made that realization, first the weight felt lifted off my shoulders…and then the anxiety over having the conversation entered and now I keep catching myself feeling like it would just be easier to go along with it.
Thank you so much ladies, I appreciate any/all words of wisdom.