(Closed) Completely ALONE

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I felt alone sometimes during the wedding planning. It’s hard when your life is changing and your relationships with friends are too. I know it sounds lame, but life is full of change and things will get better! I became a lot closer with my sister during the wedding prep and it’s lasted after. A couple of my friends are now in long-term relationships (again, but who knows when it may become an engagement too), and I’ve made some new friends through my husband and from moving to a new state and picking up some new hobbies. Take good care of yourself and try talking to your friends and family about how you are feeling. And of course, you can count on lots of support from the hive!

Post # 4
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I know exactly how you feel. I really do.

When we got engaged, i was excited to tell all my friends and sit down with everyone and look at dresses and flowers and for everyone to have fun with it… really it ended up being me spending a lot of time on the internet and on the phone making decisions and calling vendors. My mom and sister came with me to a few dress appointments… no parties or really any excitement from friends.

What I really felt was a lot of drifting away.. either friends who had just gotten married so they were over the whole wedding thing, or friends who were single and not interested in being a part of the plans.I have a lot of guy friends, and though they were happy for me, they were a little weirded out by the explosion of girly decisions i was making (flowers, frilly things, etc).

It can really be a lonely time. All I can say is that it gets better. Like you will have, I had the holidays in the middle of the planning year to break things up. Take December off and relax. As the wedding gets closer, people around you will feel more genuinely excited because it’s close and the wedding seems more of a reality.

Post # 6
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s normal for there to be some jealousy, and you know what…don’t begrudge them that. It’s hard to watch friends move on to new exciting things; they might feel like you’re leaving them behind in a way. Like you don’t need them anymore.

Just maybe make them feel included and important to you. If you’re going to pick bridesmaids, pick them on the grounds that the girls you chose are closest to you and mean the most, I advise not to choose based on who is most attentive at this moment, or who “steps up to the plate”. I really think that breeds a bit of resentment.

Just try to enjoy the time and roll with the punches, your friends will roll right along with you.

Post # 8
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Whooa…your last line: “I want to go back to the good old days when I was the center of attention”–it’s no wonder these girls don’t want to hang out with you if that’s your attitude. I mean, your wedding is a while away–there’s no reason for it to be all about you and your wedding, all the time. Why don’t you try showing some interest in their lives and asking them about what’s going on with them–even if it is just stuff about being single girls and them complaining about their broken relationships. Friendships are not just one sided–you should NOT be the center of attention all the time.

Post # 10
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m sorry you feel that way.  It must be hard for your friends also, they may feel conflicted – happy for you but sad for themselves.  I hope things work out with you and your friends.  Is there any chance you could speak with them, one at a time and express that you feel like you are losing them and are sad about it?

Post # 11
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think that seeing friends get married or engaged when you’re going through tough times romantically can be hard on people. It’s not that they’re not happy for you, or excited for your wedding. It’s more likely that while they’re excited for you, every wedding mention reminds them of what they’re going through and that they’re not happy about their situations.

Yes, there are people out there who are bad friends and end up being so jealous that they’re destructive towards friends. But just not being interested in your wedding / seeming somewhat distant doesn’t mean that they’re in that category. It just means that it is a hurtful reminder in some ways. And you are going through a major life change that will take some of your time and energy away from your friends group and towards your wedding/marriage/fiance. Just because they’re not as excited as you are, or even have a slight twinge of mixed feelings, doesn’t mean they’re not at heart happy for you.

I’d suggest maybe you go out and do *things* – activities you enjoy so that there’s a structure and a distraction that means you’re not talking wedding stuff and they’re not thinking about their breakups. Karaoke, board game nights, baseball games… whatever you and your friends like to do that provides some sort of fun focus. Try to organize some stuff… compared to wedding planning it’s really easy. Remind them that you’re still interested in building your friendships with them even if you are in a different place in life right now.

Post # 13
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

One more peice of advice: during wedding planning you may lose your other hobbies/activities/interests, or stop exploring new ones. Don’t do it! Keep pursuing other things. Make a conscious decision when you go out to dinner that your goal is to just have fun and not think about the wedding. Take a break on a Saturday afternoon to go to an art festival or a museum, or just take a walk with your fiance.

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