(Closed) Completely Caught Off Guard By FI’s Mom!

posted 6 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
673 posts
Busy bee

Well, you could just ask Father Phil if he marries people in the church who don’t believe in God. I’m sure you know what his answer will be. Then, next time it comes up, simply say, “Actually, I already spoke to Father Phil. He confirmed that he will not conduct a religious ceremony in the church for non-belivers.” You made an effort (of sorts…) and answered their question. 🙂

I don’t actually suggest this, but, by the same token, it’s hardly the worst way you could respond.

Post # 4
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sigh. It’s annoying but remember that they spent many years assuming their kids would get married in a church–adjusting that thought process when it was just taken as a granted is not easy. Probably knowing that your Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law can’t get married in the church, they were hoping that you and your Fiance would give them the wedding they were picturing.  Thankfully they aren’t yelling at you, and it seems like they are trying to be understanding (as best they can), so the best thing to do is probably just to not get upset. When it comes up, just say “FI and I have had a lot of discussions about it, and we are going to do what we feel is right and best for us. We thankfully have made our decisions and feel 100% comfortable and final in our choices.” That way they know you’ve thought about it, decided, and the discussion is closed.


…and try to remember this in 30 years when your future kids tell you they plan to do something that is very different from what you have always assumed would happen. Who knows what our kids will want to do that we think is bizarre or differs from our assumptions!

Post # 5
11365 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

This, of course, is mere speculation on my part, but is it possible that both scenarios are true — that your FI’s grandparents DID want to speak to you about wedding finances AND about being married in the church? Perhaps they were going to offer to pay for some wedding expenses if you planned to be married in the church but they, for whatever reason, would not feel comfortable underwriting some of your wedding expenses if you are not married in the church? If this is the case, perhaps they saw no point in telling you this, because they probably would not want you to feel pressured to change your minds only because they would be offering you some money toward your wedding. I, obviously, have no idea if any of this is possible, but this is the scenario that popped into my head after reading your post.

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