- 6 years ago
- Wedding: February 2015
This is the most serious post I have ever attempted to write here or anywhere…
So, my family and I have never been what you call ‘close.’ I do live outside the US and have been for several years. Recently I have been in my parents house in the US visiting because my mother is very ill. Everyone in the family is very aware I have a job and live with my fiance and dog outside the US in our apartment. I have a life there with no plans on returning to the US except to visit. The relationship with my parents is complicated and stressful, in particular with my father. Communication is and has always been a struggle and difficult at best. Its been like this forever. It makes me feel extremely apprehensive, stressed and uncomfortable. What else is new… All of these feelings steam from being heavily judged by my parents. I won’t get more into it than that.
I’m an older bride. Lets just say over 40 to be kind… I’ve never been married before. So, recently my fiance and I have decided to get married. Like I have called the hotel to ask about wedding package deals and talked to the cival registration office about marriage license requirements and fees. We plan to elope because its easy, its quick and its nice. My fiance and I have decided all of this about 30 days ago. No hotel arrangements have been made yet. And we are trying to decide what month we will have the cash flow to do it in.
I have to say this…
I was not sure for a long time that I wanted to be married. But, now I’m older and time is going by. So, I decided I am ready to do it. It took me a very long time to get to this point in my life. Last week I did grab a short ‘beach wedding dress’ at the mall. And I have been running around trying to pick my fiances wedding ring. So, I was trying to decide when a ‘nice’ time would be to say something to my parents. I wanted to try to make it nice. The situation is not ideal. And I have no intent to want to hurt anyones feelings or anything like that. I am not that type of person. This causes me stress because my parents are not ‘easy’ people. You don’t get that warm and fuzzy feeling when talking to them, its quite the opposite. To add to this, its not going to be possible for them to meet my fiance because of where we are located in the world and my fiances work schedule. My fiance and parents have talked on the phone before. But, they have never met in person. This is just the way things turned out, its was not planned this way. I did tell my father he can fly down sometime to where we live. My mother can’t fly anywhere now for heath reasons. As I said the situation is not ideal. But, this is the situation at hand.
I do have one sister has problems with understanding me and my choice of living outside the US. There are many friends and family members who had many problems and confusion connected with me moving out of the US. This was a move that was so different and out there that people could not get their mind around it. Anyway.. The entire family is going to eat out together soon which never happens. So, I thought this would be a nice time to tell everyone I’m planning to ‘elope.’ I was trying in my way to make it nice. But, because of my family structure being complicated I told my sister first. Well, lets just say she was not supportive and I ended up crying out of extreme stress over the situation. My sister feels eloping is something people do when there is something wrong. Shee feels the only way to get married is a big wedding. And she feels is wrong to tell my parents I’m planning to ‘elope’ and then turn around and say but your ‘not invited.’ I was not going to tell anyone they are ‘not invited.’ But, I honestly was not planning on having anyone at the wedding except me and my fiance. I did explain to my sister the concept of eloping but it was not flying. And i did explain I really do not wish to have a wedding party and everything that goes along with it. But, she has made be feel its wrong to say anything and expect my parents to accept that I’m getting married. I tried to explain to my sister that I feel time is going by and this is just something I’m ready to do. She kept asking if I really expected my parents to be happy or what exactly I expected out of them? The truth is I don’t expect anything. I only wanted to tell them in a nice setting with us all together that I was finally getting married. But, my sister reminded me we do NOT have a warm and fuzzy family structure. And she said if I expect everyone to just smile, laugh and hug each other like they do on TV shows, that I’m wrong and this will NOT happen. My sister is right and I do know everyone will not run off in the sunset together holding hands. But, I did think we could all be civil to each other. But, now I even question that… I told my sister I didn’t want anything from anyone and that I was only trying to share my news, that was all. She looked at me like I was crazy. Then I went and locked myself in the back room and cried out of frustration and stress.
I don’t know what else I can add. This is my situation.