(Closed) Complicated Guest List Question

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

Sounds like all the extra guests would cancel out the discount….I’d say you need to find another piper.

Post # 4
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

You should invite the piper and his wife to the reception (and the RD), particularly since you’re trying to capitolize on your past relationship to get a good price for his services!  I don’t see any reason why you need to invite the rest of the church membership, unless they are going to provide some service for you as well.  It should be clear that the piper and his wife are a special case, since he is participating in the ceremony.  If you (or your parents) get any questions, you can just explain that you have budget/space limitations, and so the wedding is primarily limited to family and very close friends.

This isn’t the only time this question will come up.  We had probably a dozen people on the guest list that caused us to wonder "If we invite so-and-so, do we also have to invite these other people?"  We finally decided that our blanket answer was "No."  Just because a group of people are somehow close to each other doesn’t mean that you and your Fiance aren’t a lot more close to one or two of them than the rest of them.  Trust me, they all already know this.  People will in fact be a little disappointed, but much less likely to be offended than you think.

Post # 5
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think you should maybe invite the piper and her husband to the reception. But that’s only if you want to. You wouldn’t invite your photographer or your cake makers family to the reception so it is just another vendor. If you don’t want to invite them to the reception don’t! At the end of the day it’s your wedding and it’s what the couple wants, don’t try to please everyone else because you can’t!

on another note, we had a celtic themed wedding and we did the tartan exchange and we had so many people tell us how different it was and they had never seen that done before so I was happy our wedding was unique! 

Post # 6
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would pay Kim to be the bagpiper, then treat her as you would any other musician — give her food if she will be there at mealtime, or, if she will only be there for the ceremony, then you’re only paying her to play and she will leave after that. You can express your gratitude at having someone you know be so talented and willing to play for you, and that’s all you need to do.

If you wanted to be generous, you could invite her and her husband to stay for the reception. But you definitely don’t have to. If you do, you do not need to invite the rest of the church members, either.

That’s what I would do.

Post # 7
Member
15 posts
Newbee

Find another piper.

Post # 8
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

it’s great when you have a personal connection with vendors, though it does also complicate things a bit.  i wouldn’t treat her like any other vendor – pay for her services and then invite her and her husband to the reception.  it would be like inviting your officiant and spouse.  when it comes to the other church families, if you’re just inviting the piper and spouse, it is because she is playing for you.  should anyone raise a fuss, you can gently explain that there are many people you’d like to invite, but have chosen to have a small wedding (or whatever standard line you feel comfortable with).

one thing to consider would be if the church families are still close with the rest of your family.  that may make things awkward for your family, so you may want to check in with them. 

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