Post # 1
My fiance and I got engaged this past Christmas. My fiance’s family is divorced (multiple times, so parents, step-parents and significant others of parents compose our "normal" family circle), while my parents are still together. We decided to hold a very small engagement party, officially given by us and also my parents, to celebrate this special time two months later – inviting only our immediate family members (including my fiance’s "normal" family circle) and very close friends (both couples invited will be part of our eventual wedding party). Everyone ended up getting along despite some awkwardness and had a GREAT time!
My mother-in-law to be now wishes to throw a much larger second engagement party in honor of my fiance and I (now 8 months post-engagement). She is inviting her entire family, her friends, co-workers and even her boss (many of these co-workers we don’t/barely know). She also asked that I invite my parents, siblings, other extended family members (none of whom were invited to the first engagement party as we wished to keep it an intimate gathering) and re-invite the same friends (two couples) that came to the first engagement party. Although I am very grateful to my mother-in-law to be for her gesture, I am finding myself in somewhat of a predicament because I am not close to all of my extended family (on the large side/lots of young children involved) and they are also scattered all over the State, location-wise (don’t think most would attend); I also feel that I already celebrated my engagement with my and my fiance’s friends at our first engagement party (they already gave us gifts!). I feel like the focus should remain on my fiance’s mother’s "people" rather than try to make an awkward blend of 3/4 his/her side, 1/4 mine. (Just to importantly add here, my fiance and I were somewhat estranged from his mother/her family as we were in a "feud" of various matters for several years and have recently reunited on better terms; I was not on speaking terms with her during this rough period of time.) So… I extended my mother-in-law to be’s invitation to my dear aunt (also my godmother & very close to me!) and her family to sort of break the monotany; of course, my parents and sister will be there.
Is it right that I leave my friends out this second time around??? I’m so confused!
Thanks so much!
Post # 3
I think I would invite them, they are your friends. But you could preface it with letting them know that you they are by no means required to come.
Post # 4
OK, so did Fi’s mom and dad go to your original e-party? I’m wondering if his mom, is trying to outdo someone here? I don’t know if it’s specifially your parents. Perhaps trying to outdo Fi’s dad, since they are divorced. (I must love him more, because I’m throwing this party for him.)
Is it possible to forgo this second party? I know your relationship is delicate, so maybe not. I would agree with you that it should be focused on her peole who were not at the other party. I don’t think your friends would have a problem missing a party with gaggles of people they never met. Really it comes across like simply a family party, but in celebration of you.
Is it possible to channel FMIL’s energy into throwing you a shower, in the future, instead?
Whatever you decide, I would pretty much let Fiance do the talking. Good luck.
Post # 5
Tanya123 – I truly appreciate your comments and advice!
Yes – both of FI’s parents, step-parents and significant others of parents/step-parents ALL came to intimate e-party #1. Unfortunately, I think you are correct in saying this 2nd party is just an opportunity for my Mother-In-Law to be to show up e-party #1, given by my Fiance and I and my parents (bigger is better! and she was not at all involved in the 1st one – we actually had to fight with/make concessions with her to come to it) and a chance for her to "display" how much she now cares for my Fiance and I after fighting for years – showing how big of a person and mother she is now to have such an elaborate celebration for us, how accepting she is.
I also think you are right in saying that my friends won’t miss not being invited to this 2nd party! It all seems like a bunch of mostly shinanigans to me, and it seems like they had such a great time at e-party #1 anyway… I don’t want any of those good-time memories to change.
Post # 6
Anytime! Hope you get it all sorted out to everyone’s liking, wihout anyone getting bent out of shape.
Keep us posted.
Post # 7
let her control the list, this is for her, OR ask her how many of your friends can attend? I would say just your friends who are in your bridal party. thats it!