(Closed) Complicated Issue – Homeless Acquaintance left his dog with us…

posted 4 years ago in Pets
Post # 2
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Fiance needs to tell his good friend that you are no longer able to keep his brother’s dog and he will have to make other arrangements. This is not your problem. It is FI’s friend’s problem.

Post # 3
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club

I understand whethe your coming from. But unfortunately you are involved and now it’s your problem. You need to talk to your friend and tell him how you feel. Does his brother want to give up the dog? If so tell him you would be willing to keep him permanently. Be prepared if you put your foot down and insist they pick up the dog because it’s not your problem the brother might have no choice but to take home to a shelter- and it doesn’t sound like you want that to happen. 

sending you hugs! I know this is tough, sound like you are a good pet mama 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  amoore2.
Post # 4
284 posts
Helper bee

I would definitely lay out to the friend that watching the dog was not supposed to be a long-term arrangement, and that the brother has to pay for the dog’s expenses if he wants it to continue to stay with you. Bottom line, you can’t get a pet and expect some nice, doggy-lover will pay all your puppy’s expenses and keep it for you when the going gets tough until you want it back again. If the guy chooses to take his dog back, then it’s out of your hands. If he can’t take care of it and is going to send it to a shelter, then you can step in or allow that to happen. You can also offer the option of him signing the dog over to you, making the dog’s stay with you permanent.

It’s definitely a tough situation, but I agree with previous posters that you need to put your foot down. You need to protect yourself emotionally, and sometimes that means letting a dog go to shelter if necessary. There are lots of organizations now trying to promote adoption and get animals to loving homes faster, and I know in our area that our local shelter never has to put down a dog because every single one finds a home. This dog has been one you’ve been able to fall in love with, and so I’m sure somebody else could fall in love with her too, if that’s what it comes down to.

Post # 5
5238 posts
Bee Keeper

MsMonkey:  Speaking as a fellow animal lover, I totally feel where you are coming from. I also totally respect the fact you don’t want the dog going to a shelter. It doesn’t sound like the owner is in a position to provide this dog with a forever home. I think you have two options here:

1) Keep the dog

2) Find the dog another home before you get too attached

You should talk to the owner and confirm that he doesn’t want the dog and then decide what you are going to do. Personally, even if the owner wants her back, I’d advocate for finding her a forever home else where.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

Post # 6
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

I am so sorry you’re in this situation.  I agree with PPs, get the friend in contact with the brother and get some kind of finality whether he takes her back or tells you he doesn’t want her anymore, at least you’ll be sure.  But, I also agree with you about the shelters.  The local shelter here has a 3 day policy for dogs, and I think it’s even less for cats.  

Hugs!  Keep us updated.

Post # 7
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I was in an almost identical situation a few weeks ago. My BF’s best friend died in January unexpectedly. He and his long term partner (they were unmarried but had been together for 20 years, let call her Sara) were not very responsible financially, and when he died, Sara was unable to pay the rent on their apartment. To avoid her becoming homeless, and from a sense of obligation my Boyfriend or Best Friend felt to take care of his best friends “widow”, we offered to let her and their dog (a Boston terrier) stay with us for a month. My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have talked about getting another dog (we have a Yorkie) so accommodating another small dog wasn’t too much of a change.

Well, one month turned into 10 weeks before Sara finally found an apartment with a couple of friends. The entire time they were here, I found myself in charge of the dog. I fed her everyday, took her on walks, everything. Don’t get me wrong- she’s a good dog (although she lays the stinkiest farts :)- but she’s not my dog. Sara completely neglected her. She was very affectionate towards both dogs, but never really bothered to take care of her. To be fair, she had never been in charge of the dog when her boyfriend was alive- it was his dog. But when he died, Sara was very vocal about how all she had left of him was his dog, and how the dog was the only family she had left. Well, when it came time for her to finally move out she asked if we could take care of the dog for a few days while she “settled in” to her new place. We agreed, of course. Three weeks went by. I couldn’t standnot knowing if Sara was serious about keeping her or not, so I asked my boyfriend to call her and ask her for a straight answer. She admitted that it would be best if the dog stayed with us permanently.  So even though this dog is old, stinky, and kind of ugly, she’s become a member of our family. In the long run she’s better off with us anyway but I was going a little nuts not knowing for sure if I could let myself become attached, and super frustrated with Sara’s obvious intentions to not take her dog with her. Sooooooo- long story short, get a straight answer! Our circumstances are not the same (although my pet expenses have doubled as well) but now that everything’s cleared up, I can tell you that I feel MUCH better about the situation. Good luck!

Post # 8
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t have anything useful to add to this thread, but oh my gosh, macielilla:  those dogs are gorgeous!  

Post # 9
711 posts
Busy bee

macielilla:  awwww they’re so gorgeous!!!! The yorkie reminds me so much of one of my childhood pets. Good on you!

OP, sounds like you’re already attached (I would be too). I’d def get SO to call his friend and see if you can keep her. I know you didn’t plan it, but you can’t help but fall in love sometimes. It would be so sad if she had to leave another owner.

Post # 10
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

That is a pretty sucky situation to be in.   🙁  I would definitely have your FH call his good friend and tell him that you guys need to get in contact with the dog’s owner.   Either he takes his dog back OR signs over the dog to you, as clearly he is not able to take care of his own pet anymore.   Definitely get yourself out of this limbo situation, its not healthy for your OR the dog.   Is there anyone else in the good friend’s family who can take the dog?  A parent or other sibling or cousin??  While she is sweet and you like her, this really should fall on the family to help their errant man-child out, not a friend of a friend.  



Post # 12
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

julies1949:  I absolutely agree with your advice.  Tell them you can’t watch the dog any longer and that they need to pick it up by X date or you will take it to the local shelter.  If you can’t bear taking it to the local shelter then tell them they have until X date to pick up the dog or you are keeping it permanently.  I would send this in an email to the brother and/or friend including the statement about them not paying for the dog’s care and not calling or visiting the dog so that there is documentation in case he tries to come back and take the dog at a later date.

Post # 13
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

MsMonkey:  Call the Dude that asked you to take the dog. Tell him you can’t keep the dog any longer but that you also want to know the dog is okay.

I think your best bet would be to see if the dog’s owner will voluntarily surrender him to you and then you work with a rescue organization to find him a good, permanent home. Force this issue.  Don’t let the owner drag his feet.  He either makes other, appropriate arrangements NOW, or he surrenders to you. 

You might also want to call your city’s animal control.  If this dog isn’t registered to him and has been living with you for a month, legally, the dog might be yours and you can proceed as you see fit.

Whatever you do, please don’t just hand over this dog to anyone that might neglect, abuse, abandon it or leave it at the pound. 

Post # 14
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

julies1949:  All true but there’s also the matter of the dog who needs to be properly cared for.  If the owner can do that, great.  If not, I for one hope the OP is a good enough person to make sure this dog doesn’t end up abandoned on the street, abused, or end up at a kill shelter.  

Post # 15
5977 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

MsMonkey: Wow, I could never not get attached to a dog. I found that out when I tried to foster one for ONE week. I adopted him, lol! I think like a PP said you either keep him or find him a good home. But I also wonder if you need something in writing from the “owner”?? Seems I’ve seen some Judge Judys and it’s always best to have it in writing if possible. Maybe the “owner” has already given up the dog in his mind anyhow??

macielilla:  Oh my heck that dog is so CUTE!!! I love her! And now your pup has a little pup friend. Love it!!

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