Post # 1
Alright, I’m stumped addressing a couple of my invitation envelopes.
I have 3 people who are in same sex relationships where 1 partner is a doctor and 1 is not. At least one of the couples is married (it’s legal in 5 states now!). How the heck do I address these envelopes?
Dr. Jane Smith-Jones and Mrs. Joan Smith-Jones
or The Smith-Jones Family
or Dr. and Mrs. Smith-Jones
What about for the couples that just kept their maiden names?
Would that be : Dr. Jane Smith and Mrs. Joan Jones?
I’m really at a loss here. Etiquette books don’t cover this one 🙁
Post # 3
I’m no Emily Post but I think Dr. and Mrs. Smith-Jones is appropriate. And for couples that kept maiden names, just as you suggested.
Post # 4
for the same sex couple I would do the first option.
For the maiden named friends I would choose the example you gave…that makes the most sense to me. Honestly, if they are good friends of yours they are going RIP open the envelope and not give a second thought to what it says outside 🙂 I’m sure they would wildly appreciate all this thought you are giving it!!
Post # 5
I found Laura Hooper’s post on this infinitely helpful http://www.weddingbeepro.com/2009/03/06/envelope-addressing-tips/
Here’s her tips on your situation – sort of- but I think you can meld them all together:
Married couple, both are doctors, different last names:
Outer: Doctor Christina Yang
(and) Doctor Preston Burke
Inner: Doctor Yang
(and) Doctor Burke
Married couple, both are doctors, same last name:
Outer: Doctor Derek Sheperd (and) Doctor Meredith Sheperd
Or: The Doctors Sheperd
Inner: The Doctors Sheperd
Married couple, wife is a doctor (with or without different last names):
Outer: Doctor April King (and) Mr. Arthur Flores
Inner: Doctor King
(and) Mr. Flores
**Note** It is never EVER correct to write Mr. and Dr. King if both spouses share a last name.
Two adult males living together as a couple (alphabetically in this case, or by personal preference). Adult male roommates should each get their own invite:
Outer: Mr. Ryan Alvarez
Mr. Michael Stevens
Inner: Mr. Alvarez
Two adult females living together as a couple (alphabetically, or by personal preference in this case) Adult female roommates should each get their own invite:
Outer: Miss/Ms. Rachel Michaelson
Miss/Ms. Marybeth Adams
Inner: Miss/Ms. Michaelson
— My guess at you situation:
Dr. Jane Smith-Jones and Mrs. Joan Smith-Jones
Then for maiden name couples: Dr. Jane Smith and Mrs. Joan Jones
Laura is super helpful I posted a question on her post on this topic and she got right back to me
Post # 7
Wow! Thanks for all your help! Sarsk- I think you just gave every contigency I could thing of… Though I did address one envelope as Dr. and Mrs. Burke. Yipes!
Post # 8
sarskb, that’s very helpful as I’ll be doing that this weekend 🙂 Also, were you abbreviating or is it correct to spell out Doctor but abbreviate Mr (not Mister)? And I know there was another thread on this, but do you know about whether it’s correct to use Doctor for PhD’s? I suspect that facutly (my PhD advisor is invited) should not be referred to as Professor in a social context, but I’m not entirely sure…or whether I should call them Doctor.
doctorgirl you might want to find out if your friend preferes Mrs. or Ms. I may change my name but I don’t think I’ll ever want to use Mrs. And I’m going to got out on a stereotyping limb and guess it’s not unlikely that a spouse in a same-sex relationship might feel the same way.
Post # 9
I think someone needs to update Etiquette books! There are so many tricky situations out there now.
I think Dr. & Mrs. Smith-Jones sounds the most formal and "correct", but what do I know! LOL 😀
Post # 10
Ahh, Fizics- good thought… Seems like I’m going to have to call half of my invitees this weekend. And I just wanted to get all of these envelopes addressed today! Sigh, not to be.
Post # 11
Note that you would use "Dr." (abbreviated, not spelled out as Doctor) only when the person is a medical doctor. If they have a PhD but are not a medical doctor, then you use the regular title of Mr. or Mrs. or Ms.
I would do this:
Dr. Jane and Mrs. Joan Smith-Jones (repeating the last name when they share one is redundant) OR Dr. & Mrs. Smith-Jones.
Dr. Jane Smith and Ms. Joan Jones (when spouses do not share a last name, technically there is no "Mrs.," just "Ms.")
Then there’s the situation of a gay couple who share a last name where both would technically get the same title. You could do Ms. Jane & Ms. Joan Smith-Jones, or Mrs. Jane & Mrs. Joan Smith-Jones, or The Smith-Jones Family. (I find awkward Mrs. and Mrs. Jane and Joan Smith-Jones, or Ms. and Mrs. Jane Smith-Jones, or Ms. and Ms. Jane and Joan Smith-Jones).
Post # 12
Okay, so Laura’s post (should have read it before) does indicate that PhD’s should be "Dr." but you can abbreviate it for them, not medical doctors.
" Courtesy titles may be abbreviated, such as Mr., Mrs., but Doctor should be spelled out (unless they are a Ph.D., in which case abbreviating is acceptable)."
I personally think many MD’s have enough of an ego without following etiquette traditions that exalt their professional status over other people’s…sorry DoctorGirl, I’m sure you’re not one of the people I’m thinking of ;). I really don’t care if people call me Dr. or not, but I do care if people treat me in a way that indicates my professional status is less worthy of recognition than anyone else’s (i.e. everyone is Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms or not). I’m saying this b/c regardless of tradition I suspect that other guests might feel the same way. Though, FWIW, socially *I* actually go by Ms. Fizics, but I would guess there are many people who might feel offended by that.
Post # 13
I got a headache halfway through the comments trying to figure out what is correct, but here’s another post that may help: it addresses both the "Dr." issue and the same sex partner issue. Good luck!
Post # 14
The envelopes are now addressed! It was kind of fun to puzzle through the individual challenge of each one, since I had the framework that you all had given me in the form of suggestions!