Compromise-elopement or big wedding

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
6511 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

What has he said when you’ve pointed out that time is a serious factor for you? It seems to me that if ever there was a time to do the elopement and then plan the bigger follow up celebration, this would be one of them.

My husband wasn’t big on the whole big wedding thing and liked the idea of a destination wedding. Having our loved ones there was a non-negotiable thing for me. So our compromise was to do a private ceremony (just us and our son) and then immediately following, have the more public ceremony with our loved ones- but we still kept it under 100 people.

If you do event planning, I would imagine you could figure out some great ways to keep things affordable and I’m wondering if he even realizes how much a big wedding can be- he might be more willing to adjust if he has a sense of the amount of work and expense.

Post # 4
Member
6511 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Having a health concern (where you’re thinking of life in a day by day timeframe) and a partner who seems not to hear you or see your side is frustrating.

We had both ceremonies on the same day in the same city but different locations- the private one was around 1 in a beautiful natural setting in the park and then the formal one started at 4 at was at the same venue where our reception was held. We’d originally been thinking of having the ceremony in the park for everyone but the expense and logistics of it all started to feel like such a drag and a joysuck that we decided to just make it for us (and I’m really glad we did- it allowed us each to have a ceremony that felt like what we most wanted).

The main thing is that you can definitely do something that incorporates what is most important to each of you as long as each of you are willing to compromise in some way. It’s great that he wants to have a big event to celebrate but if he’s so fixated on a big party for himself and everyone else and not considering your very real health and timeline concerns, then he isn’t actually ready to get married (or be married) and he sounds like an “insert-a-bride” kind of groom. Marriage means signing up to be down for each other despite the challenges that may arise and if he can’t budge even a little bit about the party, what is he going to do during actual hard times?

Post # 5
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2008

purplepirate :  I feel your pain. In wanted to elope after I started planning our destination wedding. It was just stressful. But, we pulled through and married in Jamaica. Why not do what you wanted to do in your state instead of NYC. An intimate weekend just the 2 of you. Then perhaps plan something small in the months to follow to cater a bit more to his liking?  You can wear your dress 2x or simply get 2!!!  And perhaps lay it all out for him cost wise so that he understands your feelings. Heck make a power point out of it. Maybe he’ll be more understanding of your feelings if he sees you went out of your way to present it to him in a technical manner. 

Post # 6
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

How about a private ceremony for just the two of you, and then do a formal ceremony/reception/whatever you want on your anniversary? I know a couple that did it that way and I thought it was pretty cool that they each got what they wanted. 

Post # 7
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee

It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Why not compromise and do a smaller wedding, but in a smaller timeframe? If he’s unwilling to compromise, then you need to re-consider who you want to marry!

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