(Closed) Compromise – What do you think?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What do you think of compromising?
    Works out great most of the time, everyone can get what they want. : (23 votes)
    48 %
    Doesn't work most of the time, someone always loses. : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Works in certain situation and not others. : (22 votes)
    46 %
    Other, I'll share my wisdom below : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Me and my Fiance don’t have much of an issue with compromise since we are almost always on the same page. Howver, I just wanted to point out that sometimes compromise isn’t only about coming up with a 3rd option that satisifes both of you. It can be giving him his “way” one time and the next time, you get your “way”.  Maybe you guys could try that the next time you have to compromise?

    Post # 4
    5958 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Sounds to me like your fella has got a history with a very stubborn and selfish person somewhere in his past, either a parent, sibling or ex….when you get a long hard look at just how horrible a person can be, especially when they take, take take from everyone else with no giving, you resolve to NEVER be that way, especially to people you love.

    Your guy loves you a lot, and doesn’t want to see you get even remotely close to whatever it was he saw going down, so that’s understandable….but not really workable since coming together on things is what makes a couple, well…a couple.

    I would stay away from words like compromise, discussion and problem…instead couch things in a light of discovery, such as, “You know, I’ve been thinking about that drab boring bed set we’ve got right now, what would you do to spruce things up in there?”  Reserve your opinions and wants until he reveals his, more often than not, you two will probably be pretty much on the same page about things, and can make little adjustments here and there….

    That way, you are engaging him in a way that opens up communication, without him feeling like he’s imposing.

    Post # 5
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    His view on relationships doesn’t sound very sustainable.

    In a realtionship, and especially in a marriage, you can’t just “do what  you want”. For example, right now I really want this new dress from Eshakti. It would be less than $100, but I don’t want to just buy it and damn the consequences, because I’ve already bought work clothes for myself and that money would have to come out of either our Christmas present fund, or off our dinner table. I think it’s sweet that he wants you to be able to do whatever you want, but if he doesn’t believe in compromising (ie., I buy the dress, but next month I get no discretionary money beyond the budget) he will probably just get angry after awhile.

    Fiance and I compromise on MANY things. As a result, he is finding that being in a tiny one-bedroom close to my office is actually kind of nice for its 7th-story view, and I’m learning to like mushrooms and prog rock. We have both grown as people as a result of trying to accommodate the other. Maybe you could present it to him that way?


    Post # 7
    423 posts
    Helper bee

    @penguinbee:  Compromise on minor issues is totally fine in my book. But if a couple has major issues: one person believes in marriage but the other doesn’t; one person thinks it is necessary to have a stable income before marriage but the other thinks not; one person wants to have children but the other doesn’t; a wife wishes to take up a promotion that will take her overseas and the husband disagrees – there are rarely any third options left in these cases. If the couple compromises in these and similar areas then one person is guaranteed to be majorly unhappy in the relationship. 

    Post # 8
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    As long as my SO and I don’t actually admit that we’re compromising, we get along fine doing it. Once one of us actually acknowledges that we had to compromise, we passive aggressively argue about who is more stubborn. I don’t know why. but it’s sort of fun… haha.

    Post # 9
    3553 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    This is the latest compromise that my SO and I have worked out. My SO and I visited home for Thanskgiving over the weekend. He works retail and we really have no idea of when he can get off until a week or two before. Of course our parents wanted to know our Christmas plans and he immeadiately started spouting off some tale to both sets (he has a bit of a lying problem). I got really ticked at him for just deciding all of these things without actually talking to me. We recently bought him a new car and his dad wants his 23 year old car that we have in MN back for scrap (he’s an auto mechanic). I am not comfortable taking that car on a 400 mile road trip in the middle of winter (if it even starts!). When he moved up here his dad drove in parallel with him because there was a legitimate concern that the car could burst into flames. I finally cornered him on the plane to talk about how we’re getting home and back for christmas and we have decided to ask one of our fathers (preferably his) to come up and help us drive his car back while we drive my car. That way his father gets the car back, which is what SO wants, and there are 2 cars on the road in case of a potential breakdown, which is what I want.

    Post # 11
    3146 posts
    Sugar bee

    Life is all about compromise. It’s what you will do if you are in a relationship.  Having a relationship with someone/anyone is not all about getting what you want and it’s not all about your happiness all of the time. People have different personalities with different desires.  And, you have to compromise in order to come to a common ground because there are many issues that you will not agree on completely because we are all different. It is simply nature. 

    Funny thing is, when you learn to compromise healthily, you end up being ‘happy’ anyway because of how it affects your mate.  My honey and I – well, we discuss and if we cannot come up with a conclusion, depending on the issue, I give him the final say or he will give me the final say or sometimes we make it fun and do a coin toss or something.  If something is really important to him, as long as it doesn’t affect me and/or my children negatively, I just let it go.  It is not about being right. Trust me, I have come a long way with this cause I was a firecracker back in the day.lol

    Post # 12
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Compromise is a large part of a healthy and happy relationship. No 2 people are always going to want to exact same thing at all times. Maybe one of you wants one thing for dinner, but the other person wants something else, anytime you agree to either have/do something completely different from what you both separately want, or take turns, you have steak for dinner tonight and then tommorrow have the pasta that he wants, those are compromises. If you aren’t both compromising then one person is doing all the compromising and caving in everytime your needs/wants don’t match.

    Post # 13
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Usually we come to some type of an agreement (sometimes one of us didn’t look at something in a certain way, or didn’t consider a certain factor, etc). When it comes to preferences, we’re usually agree. If we don’t, it either is a give/take situation, or a compromise of what we’d both be okay with. Depends on the situation. 

    Communication is VITAL though. Sometimes my fiance and I won’t agree, but when we talk through it, we often end up agreeing in the end. We’re both open to changing ourselves for the better or neutrally for the other person. But our preferences are usually based on logic and reason. 

    It definitely depends on what you disagree on, though. You have to each question yourselves why you disagree with the other, and if one of you has better reason(s) for their viewpoint than the other, and if that’s even been considered. Lots of people have preferences and disagree, but they don’t really think about why their preference is what it is.  

    We never each really want to do only what we want, because we want the other person to be happy! We might be somewhat unhappy about not getting “our way”, but we’re overall happier because the other person is happier. We never want each other upset or unhappy over something. Basically, he looks out for me, and I look out for him. 

    One thing that’s been new for us is money. Since we’re getting married, we’re just considering both our financial situations already fused (even though it’s not). But whereas before I could say “It’s okay, I’ll cover it.” It’s actually not spending just my money anymore, it’s spending both our money. So we talked about things like Christmas presents for my parents and stuff even. haha. But since both our main focus is always “Make sure fiance is happy,” we work things out well. 


    My ex would NEVER voice his opinion either. He was afraid to and had really low self esteem. He was too preoccupied with always pleasing everyone, no matter how ridiculous or detrimental to himself it was. He was mortally afraid to upset anyone over anything. It was really bad. He couldn’t put things into perspective about how they “should” be, based on reasons and fairness. 


    Perspective, reason, fairness, communication, level-headedness, and calm emotions… all very necessary.



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