- 5 years ago
Hi, girls. I just started a graduate program in which I am doing very well, and I am happy. If I successfully finish, then I will have great job opportunities as a professor or researcher – but the location of the available jobs is uncertain right now.
My fiance and I moved in together in this new city recently, and he transferred jobs. Now he is still working full-time at a job that he does not enjoy. I was under the impression that he wanted to transfer to this university to finish his graduate degree (only another semester or two left), but now he says he doesn’t have any motivation to do so.
So, here I am, enjoying my education and my new research-related job, and he seems pretty depressed to be living here. He keeps comparing things to his old city that he claimed to hate and couldn’t wait to leave. He’s even mentioned to someone else that he wants to move back. Initially, I thought this would be a good move for him, as for me. He said he was very excited about it, and I thought he would love going to this school to finish his degree. But now, I realize the I may have been wrong, and I feel selfish.
Last night, he randomly brought up the prospect of me transferring to an out-of-state school, so he could move to a city that could offer more jobs to him that are related to his desired field of research. First of all, I am not ready to make a huge move like that out of our home state, especially since everything is going so well for me. I know that is selfish – but on the other hand, I feel like I would be put into a bad situation for myself by not being able to get into a good university there, not getting graduate funding (out-of-state tuition is ridiculously expensive!), etc. However, if I stay here and continue my education, I don’t think he can make it another 2 years at this rate, based on his feelings.
So – basically, I want advice or thoughts on this situation. Also, I want thoughts on our future. We want to begin our careers that seem right for us. The problem is that I’m not sure if both of us can end up in the same city with our ideal career positions. Right now, I may be seeing it through a skewed perspective, but I feel like maybe, in the end, one of us won’t be as happy and become bitter.
Thanks for any thoughts, suggestions, advice, etc.