(Closed) Moving & Our Future

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@secretbee1234321:  Been there, done that. You are right, if both of you wish to pursue your individual career aspirations then you might not end up in the same city. But that need not spell doom for your relationship. You can have a long distance relationship or be with each other part of the year or meet on weekends. It will be pretty selfish for either of you to ask the other to compromise on their dreams – whoever gets the short end of the stick isn’t going to be too happy. But when two people are committed to a relationship they can move mountains. So have a heart to heart with your SO, tell him what you want in life and ask him what he wants, and then try to work out the logistics – whether going LD is a solution or some other arrangement will work for you. 

Post # 5
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I had a similar problem, until we talked about it and realized that DH’s job prospects are a heck of a lot more flexible than mine. So he ended up moving to where I was, instead of vice versa. I totally understand not wanting a long distance marriage – I would have put my foot down about that too. I refuse to be married if it’s going to be long distance.

Post # 6
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@secretbee1234321:  Unfortunately we couldn’t. I did give up everything for him, moved to his city and remained a housewife minus wife for him for close to 5 years, forgetting my own dreams and aspirations. Only I know how unhappy and hollow I used to feel all the time. He was abusive so in the end that doomed our relationship, but part of the time (around 1.5 years) we were LD and were pursuing our own respective careers. I would definitely say that was the happiest phase of our relationship – LD worked marvellously well for us. We used to meet as often as we could.

I can give other, more positive examples, though. One of my friends is in a long distance London-Glasgow marriage for the last 4 years. They are doing pretty well. Another couple I know of, are pursuing their PhDs in the UK (him) and the USA (her). They got married a year back and are so far quite happy with their situation. My father was in France for 5 years (job reasons) while mother stayed in London. I actually haven’t heard of a single case where a marriage broke down because the couple lived and worked in separate cities. But of course, to each their own. 

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