(Closed) Compromising my career for his? Advice appreciated!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I disagree with your last statement. Yes, we can have it all. We just have to choose if we’re willing to make that sacrifice.

Personally, I would move to where you can make the most money, if it is that much difference.  It’s essential to your career, but it doesn’t seem essential to his.

You HAVE to be prepared to earn a living when you have children. And if prioritizing your career right now will do it, then I would do it.

Post # 4
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You guys have to decide what will be best for both of you in the long run? Which would be more beneficial? You having a job with more money that’s not your dream job? Or him having his job opportunity? It’s definitely a tough one.

I just graduated with a degree in Elementary Education. If I would have stayed in the area we are from, which is rural and they never have enough teachers, I would probably have my own classroom by now. But my husband wants to be a doctor. It means that right now, he’s taking out loans to cover tuition plus his living expenses. It means that I am just a substitute teacher right now, so I’m not making as much as I would have. It means that in a year and a half, we have to move to another town for his 3rd and 4th years. The town we live in now has a waiting period of about 2 years before a teacher gets a classroom of their own – if I’m ever offered my own classroom here, I won’t be able to accept because we will have to move. All I can hope for is that I get a long-term sub position next school year. And then maybe when we move, I’ll be able to have my own classroom for 2 years. It also means that we will have NO idea where he will be placed for residency until his 4th year. So if I do have a job at that point, again I will have to give it up and follow him and start over fresh again. It has been very difficult for me to sacrifice my career for him, but this is what he wants, and in the end we will be very financially stable. I know it will be worth it in the end. 

ETA: Of course, we prioritized the career that in the end would put us in the best financial situation.

Post # 5
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think it really depends.

Will you continue working after you have kids?  Do you have the type of job that wll allow you to take time off.  Same questions for him.  Some jobs, like actuarial science, once you finish up your exams, you cna take time off without worrying about your earning potential going down.  However, a more fast-paced field, like biomedical engineering, any time off could reduce your earning potential.

Really it’s a question of what will be the best for both of you over the longer period.

My Fiance and I currently both work.  He earns more than me, but my earning potential is greater.  He’s in engineering while I’m in finance, so he could take a longer break than me without his pay getting affected.  As a result, when we have kids, he will likely go part time for a little while, as that won’t affect his earning potential later.  I will stick to my hours and hopefully earn more in the long term. 

Post # 9
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am in the same situation; however I have already made my decision.  My fiancé got a job as a game warden, which is what he went to college for.  I went to art school, but have started down a great career path with company that I love.  I already make just as much as him, and I am due for a promotion and can feel it coming.  

With his job, after his first year of training, we will be located in a city away from my job (most likely.)  I decided that his job is more important than mine, and here is why.  It is something that he has always dreamed of doing and loves.  Mine, is a job that I love, but I am more adaptable.  I am an artist working in an office.  I love it like I said, but I think that it is a sign that I should be thrown out of my comfort zone to start something else I might love even more.  Like, I have always wanted to start a coffee shop.

If I were you, I would make a pros and cons list.  That always helps me.  Also, thinking about where you want to live might help as well.  Singapore and Hong Kong are two very different places.  Who knows, maybe different job opportunities will come up for both of you!  Congrats on the job offer!  Never put aside your own happiness and goals, just try to figure out what is most important to you.

Post # 10
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You have a good job offer, he may or may not find a good offer where you’re moving. I’m a newlywed dealing with a lot of financial stress right now so I’m totally biased in saying this – but go where the money is & save as much as you can. I can’t even express how much financial hardship is affecting our first year of marriage. Stress, anxiety, not being able to spend as much time together…that’s not what you want. If you’re planning on only living in a new city for 2 years anyway, that’s not a whole lot of time for him to develop a professional network there. Better to use your great opportunity & fulfill some of your career dreams now. $25,000 is a huge head start into your family’s future, I couldn’t pass that up.

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