Post # 1
I was thinking about this today and wanted to hear any other experiences…
My Boyfriend or Best Friend (hopefully soon to be FI) has a very close but completely platonic female friend who he lived with for two years in college (with other friends too). When we got together, this friend was warm and genuine and I really liked her. However as time progressed she was bitter that I was a time suck on BF’s time, and she was no longer number one. She has brought this up to him several times and we both understand, especially as she is single and lonely, and unhappy with her job, etc. She has recently made it clear that she prefers him without me. Because of this I really would have a problem being at the wedding celebrating the unity of US as she only is a fan of him. I just was wondering if any of you have gone through this, or other situations where you may have to compromise and have someone at the wedding you did not want there. Apologies if this has been asked several times, I am just curious! 🙂
Post # 3
Guest lists are difficult. However, your guest list is just as much about your Fiance as you. So yes, his closest friends should be invited.
Post # 4
I don’t like FI’s ex roommate either. We’re inviting her and I’m crossing my fingers that she doesn’t come. If she does, oh well. We will have about 175 guests so its not like I’m spending the entire day with her.
Post # 5
i would still invite her, she is your FI’s friend, i am sure not all your friends invited are also really close with your Fiance. The wedding day is both of yours, you should both be able to invite your closest friends
Post # 6
Unless this is a dealbreaker in the relationship, I say this is a bridge you can worry about when you cross it.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t worry about her at all. Hopefully when the time comes, she will have either grown into her big girl panties or your Boyfriend or Best Friend (hopefully FI) has a clear conversation with to her to put her in her place. The latter option sucks, because at that point…its like really, does it take all this? But we ALL know sometimes it takes a little extra for some folk.
For now, just relax: this is really HER issue..not yours. Enjoy your man.
Post # 9
Oh my Gosh. We’re going through a situation just like this. Except, our girl was an ex-girlfriend and did several mean things towards me. After thinking about how her personality and bitterness might affect the wedding negatively, we axed her. Unless this person is super close, I wouldn’t invite her and not worry about it. You can always claim space restraints. Just my personal experience though. Or, on the other hand, you could invite her and have the confidence face.
Post # 10
One of my FI’s GM’s is pretty disrespectful towards women. He doesn’t treat me bad, but he says sexist things about women in general and whatnot. Fiance knows how I feel about the Groomsmen, but he is one of FI’s best friends. He will be in the wedding party, no biggie!
Post # 11
Oh God I went through the same thing! Three times over!
I had an awesome time hanging out with my Fiance and his friends, I would ask him to come over and we would have an amazing time just being together by ourselves too.
….Little did I know….
After years of being together I found out that:
- Friend #1 fantasized about knocking me out, pouring honey all over my naked body and then put me in the woods and watch me be eaten alive.
- Friend #2 said that he was fine with me spending all this time with my boyfriend (at the time) because he knew that one day my Boyfriend or Best Friend would leave me for his ex-fiance’ and I’d be out of the picture.
- Friend #3 said I was controlling and breaking him up with all of his friends because we hung out all the time.
This was all said our first year of dating, they finally stopped talking smack about me after 3 and half years of dating. Now that we’ve been dating for 5 and a half years and engaged those kind of comments have completely died down. Still that stung me so much to my core.
Guess what though? We are still friends and I have become really close with all three of those friends and are invited to the wedding despite the fact that friend #1 harbors gay feelings for my Fiance and still gives me crap but I’ve learned to ignore, he is just an A-hole in general and it is not against me.
At first I really did not want friend #1 to be at the wedding but my Fiance wanted it so I gave in and said yes, but it doesn’t bother me anymore, my wedding won’t be ruined because of this guy….plus…I figure that since it is my wedding day it will be one day that I can punch someone in the face if they act up. LOL! …It’s true.
Your girl problem seems like one of the friends I had to deal with though, she has been used to hanging out and having him all to herself and this is a huge change for her. Let her say what she wants and ignore her, sometimes the best revenge is to simply ignore her and have tons of fun instead.
Post # 12
Ugh, this is definitely an annoying problem. My sympathies. What is your guy’s reaction to all of this? Did he say “I want her there” ? Would he be angry if you said you didn’t want her there?
If she doesn’t support the wedding, she shouldn’t come…but if he demands it, then put her in a table that is across the room and avoid going over there all night. The wedding day should be about you guys and people there who love and support you.
Post # 13
@JoJoDahling: OMG you really have it bad! Haha.
And thanks for all the support guys. I definitely want her to be there because she is such a close friend of my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I am sure it means a lot to him. She doesn’t need to be my friend but if it escalades and gets nasty, I will definitely discuss it with Fiance at that point. Hopefully it will all be water under the bridge. It helps to hear that other people have had similar experiences and made it through just fine! 🙂
Post # 14
@Sugarpug2012: It hasn’t gotten to the point where I have had to really sit down with him and discuss it, but I know if it got there he would side with me 100%, which is great to know. I hopefully won’t have it get to that point though, but we will see! As long as she is respectful of the day, I have no problem being there, I am sure I will be more than busy!
Post # 15
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I totally understand why you wouldn’t want her there, but since she and your Boyfriend or Best Friend are close, you do need to extend her an invitation (unless your Boyfriend or Best Friend doesn’t want her there either). Maybe she’ll be turned off by the idea of an event that gives you all the attention and not show up? But even if she does, you will be so happy and busy and in love, I doubt you’ll even notice her.
If she does start to cross a line with her attitude, bring it up to your Boyfriend or Best Friend before it turns into a big problem. You don’t want her to cause a fight between you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend. Or she could meet somebody between now and the wedding and be totally happy and no longer jealous! Let’s hope that happens 😛 🙂