(Closed) Compulsive lying and undependable BM! What to do?! (A little long)

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t think it’s unreasonable, but I think you have your answer. A Bridesmaid or Best Man that you’ve tried to get in touch with time after time is definitely unreliable, and these are important things!

I recommend you go to her house at a time you’re pretty sure she’ll be home, drop by with some food (since she’s “sick” or even just busy, she’d appreciate it I’m sure), and tell her that you’re sorry she’s feeling under the weather but you do need some answers, and be direct with her about what you need her to do and ask her if she’s able–if not, tell her that you really don’t want it to be burdensome and you’d love for her to attend as a guest.

These situations suck, but sometimes its the only way to do things. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It’s hard when a Bridesmaid or Best Man won’t talk to you. If she doesn’t get back to you in the next week or so, I’d be inclined to email her with a message like “I know you’ve had a lot going on and I while I know you are so supportive and excited for the wedding, I understand that you just aren’t available right now. I still want you to be a part of my big day and hope that you’ll be able to come as a guest.”

I had 2 MOH’s and BM’s and one of each bailed on the wedding. My sis said she couldn’t be part because of financial reasons (2 days later she bought a boat) and another friend texted me saying she couldn’t the day the dresses need to be ordered. I tried to talk to her, said I’d help, etc, but she just never replied.  Sometimes BM’s commit but then just plain change their minds.

Good luck with all of this! I just know that the people who will be able to support you the most will be with you on your big day.  Best wishes!

Post # 6
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Meh, you can’t catch it that fast… wear a mask and gloves. I had it, and it really wasn’t too bad… and neither my roommate nor fiance got it from me, and they both live/see me more than daily. I’d still go over there and talk to her, and take her some soup! I know it seems so hard… but the sooner it’s done, the better you’ll feel faster.

Post # 7
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Oh, I just noticed we’re date twins btw! 😀 yay

Post # 10
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I just keep reminding myself that the people who truly love me and want to support me will be there. My sis just got engaged and she was upset about a friend who didn’t like the colors she’d chosen and didn’t want to come. When Sis was going on about this, I reminded her how she had acted towards me and she seemed to realize how horrid she’d been. She’ll be a guest at the wedding.

The other girl was my roommate. I was moving as all of this was going on, but not because of any problems with her (it was into a house where my fiance will join my after 12/19).  She doesn’t talk to me at all, so we just didn’t send her an invite.

It stinks that this happened, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I had 2 MOH’s and 2 BM’s. Now I have one of each.  They’ll be cute walking back down the aisle with 2 guys each as we still have 2 Best men and 2 groomsmen.

Post # 12
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m a mom and my son and I were sick off/on for 2 weeks recently (wasn’t the flu but our symptoms were quite suspicious and well we felt like crud) so maybe give her a mulligan on that one but not on the sleeping too late, etc.  That’s not good.

Tatoo or not, it sounds like she may not be a close friend IRL.

Bottom line is this.  Have a sit down talk with her and tell her this has to be done now or else you will have to not have her in the wedding b/c of timelines.

Is she a real life close friend or not?  Sounds as if she has some immaturity issues she should be dealing with (like the going out, sleeping in terribly late stuff) and even if you are a mom some just don’t grow up and act like one imho.

Have that talk and see what she says.  Leave questions open for her to answer and listen.

I’m only having 4 bm’s.  And it’s going to be a very intimate wedding.  But I can count on all of them 100 percent as we’ve been friends a long time. Maybe this girl wasn’t one of your closest friends to begin with, as it sounds to me. 

 

Post # 13
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Haha, since you asked:

I am in the middle of changing my venue! However, I do have venue #1 still, and have everything else (florist, baker, DJ, caterer, dress, bridesmaids, DOC, ceremony musicians) but still no hotel block, most of my bridal accessories and the change of venue will mean a change of decor probably! And we’re currently looking for our honeymoon and pondering combining finances after marriage… scary that its getting so real now! 6.5 months!!!

How far along are you?

Post # 15
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hey MexicanMami,

This is my first post. I read here often but haven’t posted until now and just felt compelled since I was recently in a very similar situation with my sister who was also going to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.

I think you should cut your losses now and just as nicely as possible relieve your friend of the duty of being your bridesmaid. It seems pretty obvious she’s not up to the task and it will likely be a big weight off both of your shoulders.

It’s not the easiest thing to do, I just had to do the same with my sister who behaves very much like your friend and was too broke to order her dress, but had money for a new cell phone and to go out to the bars…etc.

You won’t believe how less stressful things will feel when you ditch the dud friend.

Good luck!

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