- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
Just a vent, seeing as him and I already talked about it and I know that I’m being pretty stupid for being upset.
My fiance and I are planning a VERY, very budget wedding. I am employed full time right now making $9/hr while I try to figure out what I’m supposed to do with my degree, and he is unemployed, but is a full time student working on his bachelor’s. That being said, other than my dress, which my dad bought for me, I have paid for everything. I also support myself completely, and usually have about $50 left over after bills each month, so each month I’ve bought something for the wedding that’s about $50. So far, that’s just been save the dates. The rest of my money, I just stash. We’re so lucky that we’re getting so much for free :X !
So, he has a lot of money coming to him soon. Financial aid money, Christmas money, and in Februrary, his birthday money. (The wedding is in May.) When I hear this, I don’t so much see dollar signs, but I do remember him telling me that he promised to help with wedding expenses too. I’m not pushy about it at all. He’s unemployed and has a $165 a month loan payment, so even when he does have money, that eats it up. I totally understand that, and that isn’t a problem at all. I guess I’m just hurt that he’s been excited about building his new computer ever since before we got engaged, and tonight when he mentioned all this money coming his way, he says, “I can finally get my computer!”
I listened to him talk for a while, and then he goes, “Why are you giving me those eyes? I don’t like those eyes, they look sad.” I didn’t realize that I had the puppy-eye thing happening, but I did, because all I could think of was, “Please mention the wedding, please mention the wedding, please mention the wedding,” while he was going on about the money.
I am really all for him getting that computer, or at least stashing a chunk of this money away for it. He does need it. His computer is literally shot, won’t even turn on, and to do his school work, he’s stuck on the computer in his grandparent’s kitchen where he’s expected to write papers while people chat and run around him, cook, etc. I want him to get that computer …
But I guess, seeing as I’m putting so much on hold right now (I definitely need new work clothes, I need car maintenance, I need money for grad-school application fees), and seeing as how every spare dollar I have I put away for something wedding related … I want to see that same attitude in him. I want him to not care about the computer as much anymore, to tell me that he doesn’t need it and that until he can get it, the kitchen computer will suffice, and to tell me that, yay! I have some money coming to me so I can pay for my wedding band (I’m paying for mine monthly, which is on layaway right now), I can help pay for the reception center, etc.
The reason I’m NOT going to be as upset as I feel like my female bridal brain is asking me to be? Because I am not necessarily completely right or justified in my feelings, and being the kind of person to pick my battles, am simply letting this fall to the wayside seeing as tonight, he still let me know that he certainly does plan to use that money to help with the wedding … I told him I’d be sad if it was $1000 he was getting and the computer was $800 or $900 and so he’s going to put all of $200 toward the wedding … which, he didn’t give me a straight answer on that one other than he’s going to check prices on stuff tonight and then we’ll see … if he could even contribute $500, that’d be sufficient … I’d be pleased with that.
Anyway, I’m ending the rant here. I trust him, I know he’ll try to help, and I also know that his dream is to be a college graduate, to get his PhD, and to get A’s in school (which he is doing!) … I want that for him to, I want to see him as proud of himself as I am of him, and getting his computer updated will certainly help him in that regard …
Maybe some of you ladies can relate? Hence, the post here …
I am off to make nummy dinners now. 🙂