Concerned about 3 year old nephew– need opinion from moms

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 16
Member
9172 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

maybe he is shy.  my husband’s cousin wouldn’t talk in front of me for a long time.  she is now 5 and will have conversations with me, but it is like pulling teeth to get words out of her.

when she was under 4, i would maybe hear 1 or 2 words every hour.

 

but apparantly she didn’t stop talking at home.

Post # 17
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Boys develop full speech years later than girls do. They just don’t process communication verbally until 3-4.

It is perfectly normal for a boy to be four years old before learning to form sentences.

DON’T WORRY ūüėÜ

Post # 18
Member
9435 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would mind your own business.

If he goes to daycare I’m sure they would say something if he was that drastically behind. Not to mention she has another child, it’s not her first rodeo.

Post # 19
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would mind your own business. Like others have said, I’m sure this was discussed with her pediatrician and also discussed at school if they really noticed an issue.

Also, please try not to judge people for their parenting choices. I’m sure, as a single mom, she is doing the best she can.¬†

Post # 20
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My brother’s son is similar and I found biting your tongue is the best situation in these types of scenarios. Chances are they are aware of it themselves and are trying to work through it as parents and as a mother myself, telling another parent/adult how to parent their own kids, NEVER goes over well.

Post # 21
Member
2595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - County courthouse

My nephew is 2 and a half and sounds like your nephew. I do mention stuff to my husband, but I would never say anothing to my sil. I just ask basic questions. Again, it’s none of my business so I don’t interfere. I don’t think you should interfere either.

Post # 22
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

elsie347 :  Unless you’re offering to cover costs and transportation for “the services he deserves” and “a learning environment”, you need to keep your opinion to yourself. She has limited control over the situation right now and has limited resources anyway as a single parent. 

Post # 23
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee

I ¬†would say something, myself. The mom should be connecting with her pediatrician and asking if it’s appropriate for a referral to ChildFind. Info on ChildFind is often available through your local school district, ¬†and where I live, there are screenings that are done monthly or more often at a local neighborhood school.¬†

If the pediatrician or the ChildFind staff think that he is neurotypical, then that’s perfectly fine….but they have the skill to make that call. I would simply ask the mom, are you concerned about his speech? If she says no, make it clear that you are not criticizing her as a parent, ¬†but that you are concerned about her son. Then give her the ¬†ChildFind referral info. If he is delayed. …not just in speech, but possibly in other areas like adaptive or social skills, then he would absolutely benefit from early intervention and more support.¬†

ChildFind is a federal program.  Scool districts are required to seek out and provide support services for children who may have a disability.  Ignoring this so as to not hurt the moms feelings is not in the best interest of this little guy. 

 

Post # 24
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t say anything either. Good friends of mine have a 5 year old that I was concerned about when she was smaller and was debating saying something. I didn’t because I didn’t feel it was my place. Turns out they had been working with specialists all along, she was diagnosed as nonverbal autistic, and through all of the help she’s been getting, has begun saying 1 syllable words. And all that screen time? This little girl was always on an iPad, and it turns out it was because she was doing puzzles and things that the specialist recommended. Either way, I can’t imagine being a single mom, I’d probably rely on technology a bit for my sanity too. I’d give your SIL some credit, especially since this isn’t her first child and she’s done this before. Everything could be totally fine with your nephew, or she could be dealing with something privately and not want anyone to know. People who see him daily have more of a place to say something. Speaking as a mother myself, I don’t think I’d react too well if I were her.

Post # 25
Member
908 posts
Busy bee

Yea please don’t say anything! It won’t go over well no matter how good intentioned you may be. Sometimes we have to learn to mind our own. As hard as it may be. ūüôĀ

Post # 26
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Not your kid, not your place to chime in. Unsolicited advice is never taken well. I’m sure you mean well but don’t bring it up.

Post # 27
Member
2813 posts
Sugar bee

Unless you are planning to pay for a daycare that you will find worthy and speech evaluations and all that, you do not have a place to say anything. Not your kid, not your circumstances, not your money, none of your business.

Post # 28
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have a bunch of thoughts about this so apologies if this is a bit disjointed!¬† If you are correct that his vocab is so limited, then I too would be concerned – it sounds like a low number of words at that age.¬† BUT if you only see him once a month, I doubt you see the full range of his vocabulary. He may be clamming up because you are there. Also, I note a big helping of judgement – you see him once¬†a month, but say he is ALWAYS on teh screens – how do you know? You don’t know what their regular routines are, if she reads to him at night, etc.

Also, the daycare – at 3 years old, kids learn by play, so to imply it isn’t a “learning environment” sounds unfair to me. I did a master’s in education and sought out a home-based daycare because I honestly believe it is better than a structured school-like setting that is teaching letters and handwriting.¬†3 year olds don’t need to be formally learning reading or math skills -I would rather him dressing¬†up or playing¬†with the¬†play-kitchen¬†all day, I¬†believe that develops more valuable pre-reading skills.¬†

If he is at a licensed daycare, and seeing a pediatrician normally, then I would think those people would discuss with mom if milestones are being met and if an evaluation or early intervention services are needed. I think maybe asking SIL, “Do you think he is shy around us? He seems quiet when we visit.” You might learn more that way. Maybe she will open up about her concerns, or maybe she already has talked to experts on it but you don’t know because you aren’t so close.

Post # 29
Member
2811 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think i’d worry about it too much at age 3. Since he seems otherwise developmentally on track it doesn’t seem like too much of a concern. Sure a little bit behind, but not enormously so. And certainly not anything to be overly alarmed about, they will sort it out once he gets to school most likely. 

Post # 30
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

elsie347 :¬† She already knows. If it’s your child (especially your second child), you know what developmental milestones are normal and what are not. It’s like pointing out to someone that they have gained weight, and you are concerned about their health. Gee thanks! I get dressed every day and hadn’t noticed.¬†

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