(Closed) Concerned About “Let Down”?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Are you concened about being "let down" with your proposal?
    Absolutley not! : (22 votes)
    49 %
    Maybe just a little, but I don't let it consume me. : (18 votes)
    40 %
    I worry about it all the time... : (1 votes)
    2 %
    OP is a horrible person - I can't believe she'd even have these thoughts!! : (4 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I had the same thoughts before, but honestly I think I’ll be so over the moon when it actually happens that how it happened won’t even cross my mind!

    Post # 4
    1543 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m more concerned by the fact that I might not like the actual ring. Sounds terrible and materialistic, I know, but my fears are rooted in reality. Carat size I could care less about, it’s style I’m worried about. Every single thing he’s ever bought me (where style and personal taste would be an issue) hasn’t exactly been something I would ever pick out for myself. A little trinket he got for me when we first started dating? I think it looks ridiculous. But I love it, and it’s from his heart, so I proudly display it on my dresser. The coat I got a few Christmases ago, looks the complete opposite from the one I showed him, and TRIED ON in front of him as a hinthint. And the boots from this Chritmas, he got what HE liked, not what I showed him I liked.

    I’m sure however he does it, I’ll love it just the same, though.

    Wow, rereading all that, it makes me sound like such a biatch! I’m, not, really. It’s just that sometimes men can be clueless, even when the clues are right in front of them, hahaha!

    Post # 6
    870 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t have any concerns because he hasn’t built it up at all! Hahaha…

    It is unfortunate–we’ve been to tons of romantic places, and exotic trips around the world, and I’ve got a feeling the best I can hope for is a proposal after a nice dinner out. Oh well, as long as he does it I don’t really care where. 🙂

    Post # 8
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    I know that whatever he does will be super sweet, it’s the ring I’m worried about. I really want morganite set in rose gold with tiny diamonds on the band. It’s around $700 and so genuine and beautiful. I love it, mostly because it’s meaningful. I don’t want him to get me a diamond because he feels that he has to or because it’s “tradition”. I’m just worried that he’ll try to be all impressive and suprise me with the ring I used to want before I found this one (Tiffany Novo). I think he thinks I changed my mind because I wanted a faster proposal, but I really just love the look of morganite and rose gold! I always explain it to him, but I don’t know what he’ll end up doing. I’ll love whatever ring I get, I just really have my heart set on the sweet look of the morganite ring (:

    Post # 9
    1730 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I think I’d be ecstatic if my Boyfriend or Best Friend just rolled over one morning and opened the ring box and asked that way – however he does it, I’m sure I’ll be happy.  I do have a few of the same materialistic worries about whether he’ll pick a ring I like – sounds bad, but his record lately hasn’t shown him paying much attention to MY style and  taste, but to things HE likes… it’s a aggravating to take the time to look for and spcifically put things on my wishlist he can see anything a gift occassion comes up, to ahve them ignored. 

    In a way I want to remind him of a “fail” of a firend’ of ours who decided flowers were too boring and passé for a boquet, but his Girlfriend at the time liked to eat spinich, so he brought he a bunch of that.  Not quite the thing to get your heart pumping, and not the kind of memorable most girls dream about. 

    That said, I’m not in the OP’s shoes, as my Boyfriend or Best Friend hasn’t built up anything – that’s not his style lately, which is good, because for a while years back, when I was working and he was still in school he’d tell me things about my Christmas/birthday presents – hope I’d like them, they might be late, etc… only to have him realize without a job and with me at work all day with the shared car he coulnd’t get me ANYTHING, after brinigng it up, and then being too embrassed to let me know before the day came – I would have been just fine not expecting anyhting knowing our money situation and his transportation difficulties, but if you TELL me to wait for something, it will be kinda heartwrenching for it to be based on a false hope.  So THAT was a string of disappointments that have thankfully ended. 

    Seriously, @FlutterbyBee:, I’ just guessing, but I’m pretty sure whatever he does, you’ll love it and just be happy the pressure of waiting if off you both.  No matter WHAT he does to propose, you’ll know that he’s asking you to be his wife, and to spend forever with him, so I think even if it’s not a Broadway prodction you’ll be just fine 🙂

    Post # 10
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    @Wonderwoman217: I worry about the ring too. I’m not materialistic but he really doesn’t know anything about rings or jewlery. I showed him a round solatair, white gold ring with pave diamonds. He picked up a yellow gold ring with 3 heart shaped diamonds and thought they the rings looked the same….because theyre both diamond rings. Ugh..men! haha.

    I also worry about the proposal but not that I will be let down…but that he is putting WAY to much pressure on himself. I have no idea what he is planning, but hes had the idea for about 2 years now, and he’s told my mom about it. I just worry that he’s stressing himself out. I’d be happy if he did it while watching tv in our pj’s 🙂

    Post # 12
    2907 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Mine was a huge let down.

    For reference: here was the starting point (when we lived in Hawaii)

    It was clear he meant to propose sometime after Nov 2009.

    May 2010 right before he deployed he took me on a secret date and made me pack an overnight bag. We went to the battleship USS Missouri and submarine in Pearl Harbor because I always wanted to and he felt bad for being such a homebody. Then we went out for dinner at the same place we went for our first date. After dinner he revealed–he got us a hotel room! On the millionth floor with an ocean view and view of all of waikiki, no less. We had drinks in the hot tub by the beach and could hear the waves crashing just a few feet away. And champagne in our room. He looked at me and said, “Is this the best day ever? Because if you think this is, just wait until the day I propose!”

    May 2010 the night he deployed he said, “I promise to propose when I get home.”

    hen he deployed and we picked our wedding date and our venue. He came home and didn’t propose.

    Then we got legally married. (family issues, PM me if you want details)

    He bought a ring and got ripped off and returned it (he never actually gave me that ring).

    Then we had to restation and left the state.


    After we moved he found a ring online (well, I was looking, and he looked over and liked one).

    We went to the store together and we bought it. They had to resize it and mail it to us (the store was in San Francisco and we were moving to Virginia).

    It came in the mail and he unwrapped it and he handed it to me and said “So?” This was at the hotel we were temporarily in while trying to find an apartment.


    Let down. Seriously.


    But then this happened, totally unplanned:



    A few weeks later, we finally had an apartment and I had taken off my rings to make (very messy) dinner. After dinner he handed me the wedding band, and looked at the diamond and said “I did good! This diamond is awesome” and then he got down on one knee and asked if i’d marry him (again).

    And honestly that was just so touching that he finally asked–it meant the world to me. Was it more impressive than what he built it up to be? No way. Was it awesome? Yes!


    Post # 13
    962 posts
    Busy bee


    First off, I don’t know who voted saying you were a horrible person… You do not deserve to be judged so harshly! You obviously love your man and you are in this for all of the right reasons. I have the same thoughts about the proposal and the ring. I really don’t want to be let down, but then I feel guilty for even thinking such negative things. Please, don’t beat yourself up! You’ve probably had expectations of how this would go for a long time. It’s not unusual to hope that your dreams aren’t dashed. For me, I worry that if I get a bad proposal or a ring that I don’t like, I won’t be able to hold it in and I risk hurting him and the relationship. I’m the type of person who has a hard time hiding disappointment-even when I am really trying to smile and hold it in. My biggest concern about the proposal is that he won’t get down on one knee. For whatever reason, it means a lot to me that my man ask on bended knee. I saw a proposal the other day on tv where the man did not get on his knee and I thought “uggh I would be SO disappointed if he did that. How would I hide my disappointment?” LOL! So, I totally relate.

    Post # 15
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I didn’t vote because I’m not a waiting bee anymore, but to be quite honest my proposal was NOTHING like the romantic comedy “perfect” mushy proposal. Why? Probably because he knew I would have awkwardly laughed if he’d tried that. Ours was so “us.” We don’t have some romantic story to tell when people ask us, but those that know us just laugh and go “But that is so A & S.” I think that’s important, that it feels real because it’s you.

    Post # 16
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I think the only thing that would be a letdown would be if he just handed it to me nonchalantly, like it wasn’t a big deal.  I don’t care where we are, how you ask me, or what you say, as long as you know how important it is! Does that make any sense?

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