Post # 1
Not sure if my heading makes much sense! But pretty much, is anyone concerned that no matter what they do people are going to judge them? Not that opinions matter too much, but it kinda sucks to spend SO much time planning, only to hear people nattering and nitpicking in the background.
I personally want my wedding to be an elegant, formal event. I have a relatively modest budget, but I’m doing everything possible to get a ton of bang for my buck. I know of one couple in my extended family that had an expensive wedding (by my families standards), and all I heard was people talking about how ‘over the top’ and ‘wasteful’ it was. Even the GROOM ended up complaining, so pretty much the bride ended up looking like she was some spoiled brat.
So, I’ve already had people comment on how my chosen venue must be expensive. But the FLIP side is people are always making comments when they hear about how I plan to do things myself! “Oh can’t you hire someone to do that?”.
I know it DOESN’T matter what everyone else thinks/says – but its lousy to put in so much time/effort/money to only have everyone thinking i’m crazy, spoiled, wasteful, etc…!
Post # 3
I don’t really care. But I’m one of those people who think if someone else wants to start something, 9 out of 10 I’ll help finish it…especially when it’s something like my wedding that I’ve been planning forever.
Post # 4
Overall I’m definitely recognizing that no matter WHAT I do people are going to complain. Its just one of those things that creep into your mind. For example, you spend a billion hours making invites, only to realize ‘everyone is going to throw this out!”. Or you pick a fancy meal, only to realize that most of your guests would be happier with pizza or something lol
Post # 5
Just be confident in what you decide. Take others opinions into consideration and acknowledge them but have enough confidence to know you have good judgement and explain why you chose what you chose.
And yeah, some things for weddings are unneccessary but if they’re important to you than they’re worth doing. If you make beautiful invites and 90% of people throw them away, they probably still thought they were beautfiul.
Post # 6
I really don’t think there is ANYTHING you can do to make sure no one is going to be snarky about your wedding. In my family, we have people who could be classified as everything from “white trash” (hate that term) to upper middle class. Our family has seen weddings ranging from back yard pool parties to fanciest-hotel-in-town-plated dinners. If I went super fancy there would be a portion of my family thinking we were being wasteful and showing off. If we went super casual, there would be a portion of my family thinking we were being cheap. I really don’t believe there is any amount we could spend that EVERYONE would agree is normal. I am kind of over what my family thinks of my honestly. The weird thing is that the richer ones in my family I think still look down on me a little bit because I don’t wear fancy clothes, drive a fancy car, etc etc. But the struggling ones think I’m oo-super-rich because I’m a lawyer. So my bet is that EVERYONE will have something to say. but whatevs. I’m going to throw a wedding I”ll love and if people want to whisper they can.
Post # 7
i was worried about what people would think of my wedding. my brother had a big wedding with lots of dancing, people still talk about how much fun they had. i don’t like dancing, or being the center of attention, so we had a tiny wedding that just had a dinner after, no dancing. but i got nothing but compliments from everyone! everyone said that our wedding was very “us,” and that’s what i wanted it to be. i think tht’s what makes your wedding special, whether being “you” means spending tons of money or diying the whole thing.
Post # 8
Yup, the world is full of complainers, haha! I think you just gotta stay as zen as possible, and make sure whatever you do, that you are happy doing it 🙂 It’s keeping me sane through some of these last minute wedding woes!
Post # 9
Weddings bring out the opinion in EVERYONE. Heck, even my manly-man dad who I thought would have no opinions has complained about MULTIPLE things for my sister’s wedding. Including saying he hates Sweetheart tables!
It’s so hard but try to focus more on yourself and what makes you two happy, over what everyone else complains about. I know I’m constantly worried about what other people think, and sometimes I have to focus really hard and just tell myself to forget them and let it go. You can do it!
Post # 10
Brianalaura – haha at your dad having an opinion on sweetheart tables! Its crazy the random things people have opinons on!
I think with some of the big stuff that is important to me, I’m just goign to tell people about it once its been BOOKED. Most people are smart enough to not start giving you all their negative opinions AFTER its been booked. Then they can just complain to each other and leave me out of it 😉
Post # 11
I know exactly what you mean. I have heard the argument that since my parents are paying for the majority that I should invite everyone under the sun but at the same I am being wasteful of my parents money for inviting so many people.
I have just quit caring what others think. It was driving me crazy because I am a people pleaser at heart and I was going nuts and driving my Fiance nuts because I was obsessing over every little comment.
Post # 12
I’m in a similar boat – everyone comments on how expensive the venue must be, when actually it is fairly cost-effective. The room rate is on a sliding scale – the more food/beverages I purchase, the less I have to pay for the room. And if we hit $7500 in food/beverage, the venue itself is free. And we’re doing a partial cash bar (I know that’s a touchy topic, but where I live, it’s pretty much accepted – wine and beer and soda, with paid cocktails) and the cash tally from the bar also goes toward our food/beverage total.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception
Oh man, I have noticed in my wedding planning that people feel free to be openly judgmental about weddings in a way that they aren’t about most other things. I went to a beautiful wedding last year in which the dinner was preceded by heavy appetizers (I mean, heavy enough that it really could have been a meal in and of itself–a pasta bar and stuff). Afterwards, everybody was all a-flutter about how wasteful and extravagant it was, could have fed an army, way too over the top, etc. It made me feel really bad, because I had just started to plan my own wedding, and I was SURE that all the bride was thinking was that she was trying to treat her guests to a really nice meal, and how sad she would be if she knew that people were criticizing her choice to feed them so much. Since then I have tried really hard not to do that kind of thing.
Post # 14
not everyone is always happy…damned if you do, damned if you don’t…please yourselves and let the rest go…
Post # 15
Agreed.. a lot of people will find something to complain about. I have a friend who is lucky enough to not have to pay for any of her wedding. She literally criticized fake flowers… when I showed her the first incarnation of our centerpieces she was like “so like that, but real, right?” and proceeded to tell me how she hated fake flowers. We have changed things since then, and our flowers will be real, but it’s amazing what people will criticize!
Bad service, okay, I complained about that once. We were at a wedding two years ago. Cocktail hour was supposed to be an HOUR between the ceremony and the recption, when they switched over the room. Well TWO HOURS LATER, all the appetizers were gone, people were getting sloppy drunk because the bar was still open, and no dinner yet. It then took from 8pm to 1030 pm to serve dinner (serve salad, wait half hour, serve rolls, wait half hour…) after that no one danced and everyone just left.
It was too bad, I felt bad for the bride.. but it wasn’t her fault.. this is hall that did this on a weekly basis, and I think that they put a big damper on her day…
Post # 16
This is something I considered for like, 10 minutes one day. Then I let it go. I worried that my FI’s family would attend our wedding and assume I’m from money, which in their world (or at least some of them) isn’t good. The funny thing is, I’m really not spending and splurging on lavish things. I know some of those people will automatically judge me, but I can’t change them so I won’t think about it. If you can, let this concern go. Make this wedding exactly what you want it to be, and enjoy every minute of it. In the words of my best friend- “screw the haters”… eloquent huh? But its true 🙂