(Closed) Concerned about what friends/family will think…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Can I ask how old you are? I just wonder because that also affects how I see it when people get engaged so quickly.

Post # 5
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Funf:  I am also curious to know your age and what your longest relationship has been. Otherwise I can tell you I knew T-Rex was the one I wanted to be with loong ago but we’re still not engaged because we want to know each other fully… I’d say they have legitament concerns and you should listen to them.

Ask him to wait, wait till everyone feels comfortable with your decision, forcing them to cope with it will not help things at all. What is really the rush of waiting a full year before getting engaged? Or if your going to go ahead and do the engagement, make it at least a 1 1/2 to 2 years in the future and start a pre-marital counseling program so you make sure everything is where it should be. 

I know these probebly arent what you want to hear but really, taking time and going slow is fine, it doesn’t mean you love each other any less but its just making sure its really what is right for you. 

Best of luck, let me know how things progress! 

 

Post # 6
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would say “when it happen you just KNOW!” I also don’t think you need to justify your desicion to anyone, if you guys are happy and want to get married then that’s between you two. 

Post # 8
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

I think given your age, your friends and family will be supportive.  When you know, you KNOW! Especially after you have had enough time to mature and know what you want. 

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Rush1986:  That is true. My Fiance and I were together for 8 months before he proposed but honestly, we knew during the first date.

Post # 10
Member
22 posts
Newbee

My roommate just got engaged after only knowing her fiance for a whopping 6 months. I do not think it is a good idea…. I think she is making a mistake. But her situation is different. The guy is 11 years older than her (she is 24), and this is her very first boyfriend (and first sexual partner) EVER. Also, it’s partly just because I’m jealous that I’ve dated my SO for 7 YEARS and am not engaged. Could be the case with some of your friends. I think the fact that you’re older and actually have experiences/past relationships makes you more prepared than my roommate. Don’t worry about what others think – you know what’s best for you.

Post # 11
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My Fiance and I dated for less then a year and will be getting married 2 days from now. And there isnt a doubt in my mind that he isnt “the one for me”. Yea there were several people who had an issue with it but we told them its our life and WE are choosing to live it together. IMO if this is what you really want then dont let anyone make you feel bad for being happy.

Post # 12
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

While I think it is a short amount of time, at 3 months in we were looking at rings and knew we were getting married – “When you know you know!” We would have been engaged around 7-8 months but Fiance lost his job. We were engaged about 1 year in. Since you are older I think that the shorter amount of time is not as big of a deal.  We moved in together around 6 months – if you don’t live together yet, I think that is the only transition period you may go through that might change your mind – you definitely learn ALOT more about people when you live with them – especailly if you haven’t been dating that long before hand.

Post # 13
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I change my original assumption, if you are that old and are financially independent then I’m fully saying go for it! Though I wouldn’t forgo the counseling or at least reading some books because there will be conflict and its better to know how to handle it in a good way as well as it would give your family a sense of peace that you two are really serious! 

Best of luck!  

Post # 14
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My parents only dated for 4 months before my father proposed. And my mother said no up until month 9 because she felt it was too soon to make a decision… Well they just celebrated their 34 year wedding anniversary and it looks like they’re going to turn into quite the cute hand holding older couple one of these days. (When they decide they’re old of course.) Then there are SO’s parents who dated for… 10 days before he proposed. They were married within 3 months and 33 years later that seems to have been the right decision for them.

The point being if you know it’s the right decision for you don’t let the expectations of others keep you from pursuing your happiness.

I know my maternal grandfather was less than pleased that his youngest daughter (19 at the time) got engaged so quickly to a man he hadn’t met yet let alone given his blessing too. But that didn’t stop him from celebrating her happiness in having found someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Even after my father showed up 2 hours late to his first meeting with my mother’s family (his car broke down)admitted he dropped out of high school  (Mom was valedictorian) and had no real life plan beyond getting out of the military my grandparents helped plan and fund the wedding. In fact the only condition they gave was that the wedding couldn’t be held on April fool’s day.

Even if your loved one aren’t totally on board at the beginning give them some time to come around and see how happy your SO makes you.

Post # 15
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Funf:  I was in a similar situation. My Fiance and I knew each other for 9 months before he proposed. I am only 21 and he is 26 and was divorced from a 7 year relationship (1 year marriage), but shockingly my parents were overjoyed, and his parents have been very accepting as well. Now, I wouldn’t go as far to say as this is their “ideal”- but I think if you guys are meant to be then those around you can see it. I had had “long term” boyfriends, one in particular that my mom adored- but she said as soon as she saw me come home from my first date with Mr. Lunchbox she knew this was it. My advice? No matter HOW long you’ve been together people will rain on your parade. Learn to dance in the rain 😉 and enjoy your freaking parade!

Post # 16
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I never really got the “you just know” stuff until my BFF met her guy (for the 2nd time).  They were friends in HS but never dated and one day 13 years later they ran in to each other at a local fair.  I wasn’t super happy about it because for the first month they were “seeing” each other he still had a live in Girlfriend.  My BFF said this is it, he’s the one and he moved in with her about 2 months into the relationship.  2 years later they are married and have a 1 1/2 yo daughter.  He is perfect for her and I am thrilled for them because he really makes her a better person and vice versa.  He’s an awesome dad, friend and hubby.  I never in a million years thought my crazy friend would settle down and there she was 2 months in and totally smitten.  I do believe now that when you know, you know and you shouldn’t let the opinions of others sway you if you are ready to say “yes”!

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