(Closed) Concerned Parents

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

 Sigh. OP, I have to warn you, people on these threads generally give very blunt (but valid and good) advice in topics like this. In western society people who are ready for marriage do so, with out anyone’s permission. When you are ready, you will feel ready, and you will not obey any one else’s wishes.

Of course, getting support from your parents is always something to be hoped for, but sometimes it just isn’t a possibility. You need to do what is best for you in the long run. If you feel that is waiting for a few more years, do so. If not, get married. Make sure you are financially and emotianally ready to be married, however, before you decide to take the plunge.

Post # 4
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It would depend on exactly why your parents are concerned.  Like it or not, and although you don’t need their permission, people outside of a relationship can often see things that are concerns that the people in love miss.

Post # 5
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@AJ1982:  Seconded. Is it just the age OP? Or do they see something that you don’t?

Post # 6
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your parents are not you, they do not know how you feel. What they do know is their lifetime of experience.

Obviously, in their experience, people change a great deal from 21 – 30 (I can personally attest to that). Additionally, in their experience people learn more about the kind of partner they like from dating several different people.

Unless they’re odd, your parents only want the best for you and they do not want you to suffer any hardship in life that they could have prevented. Here, they think that they are preventing your heartbreak because they cannot understand how you and your fiance will not undergo a great deal of change in the next few years.

All told, only you know what is best for you. But, keep in mind that there is no hurry. You want to do this once.

 

Best of luck.

Post # 8
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@mariana17:  Sounds like you are doing everything you can then.  If you want them to feel comfortable with it, why don’t you sit down and have a talk with them about it? Explain why it is the best decision for you, and how you will make it possible.

Post # 9
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If you are in a stable relationship, and you graduate college before you get married, I don’t see what the problem is.  If your parents aren’t happy about you getting married, that really sucks, but I dont think you should let your parents control your decisions if you are an adult.  Maybe you could wait a little while in order to reassure them.  I got engaged when i was 21 but i am waiting till i turn 23 to get married, partly to reassure my parents.  Whatever you decide, congrats on your engagement and good luck!

Post # 10
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m really close with my parents and I’d be extremely upset if they weren’t 100% supportive of my upcoming wedding. In fact, if they didn’t like previous boyfriend I usually broke up with them. I’m 24 and Fiance and I got together when I was 22 (he is 29). If they had said we should wait to get married, I’d probably believe them. In fact, my mom asked us to live together for a year before getting married and we adjusted our imaginary timeline to make that happen, since it wasn’t really an inconvenience and only pushed back the wedding date by a month or two. However, I’d worry about parents who want you to wait YEARS before marriage. That’s a long time.

…just a different perspective from someone who is really close with her mom.

Post # 12
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yeah… this is tough. I wouldn’t be willing to move forward without my parents behind me supporting my decisions. Not that I need their approval, but outside perspectives often see things that we can’t/don’t want to see. What is the rush to get married? People change SO much in their early/mid twenties, why risk it?

Post # 13
Member
4659 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Are you guys financially independent? If so, go for it and don’t look back. If not, I’m not saying don’t do it, just make sure you’ve got a money plan in place and you both are gonna stick to it. Money’s probably the main reason people split up and you should definitely sort that out!

Especially if you’re paying your own bills I see NO reason you shouldn’t get married as soon as you like. 

Your parents need to get used to you being an adult and making your own choices. An engagement is a time of setting boundaries. If you let them push you around now they’ll think they can do it forever. 

The topic ‘Concerned Parents’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors