(Closed) Concerns about my Pregnant MOH

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do about my pregnant MOH?

    Let things work themselves out. I'll end up having fun no matter what happens.

    Tell the MOH how I'm feeling and what my concerns are, but make no mention of her stepping down.

    Give her the option to step down. She might appreciate it.

  • Post # 31
    Member
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    TXbride2015:  Well with the drinking weekend, why not just combine it – have an afternoon spa thing, dinner, drinks, night out, Sunday brunch.. and let her attend for whatever part she’s comfortable with?

    Regarding the wedding, how many people have really small children (0-2 years) that have been inconvenienced by the fact that you don’t want children present? If most people have older children, I think they will understand if your Maid/Matron of Honor has both her children there. It will just make life easier for all of you (in my opinion). The alternative will have to be her husband sitting with the children in the hotel room and you not minding her running back and forth.

    Post # 32
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

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    TXbride2015:  we had a kid free wedding, but I had several guests (including my Bridesmaid or Best Man who flew from europe to be there) who had infants in the 5-8 mo. range. I also had my two nephews as ringbearers.

    We hired a babysitter (I asked for personal recommendations from mom friends who were in the area.) to stay at the house we rented which was about a 2 minute walk from our venue. It worked out great! We paid around $100 for the whole evening (there were 4+ kids including my two nephews who were 3 and 5), and I know for sure that at least one set of guests would not have been able to come if we hadn’t done that. (That was mama’s first night out, and she. went. nuts!)

    If you don’t know anyone in the area, maybe the hotel has a connection with an agency or something like that? 

    Post # 33
    Member
    8067 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

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    TXbride2015:  Are there a lot of other children you’re not inviting?  I’d consider making an exception on her toddler (makes sense if her parents are also attending the wedding- they can’t watch the kid either) if the difference is her being there or not.  But that’s because I’d rather have my best friend there along with the toddler than not have her there at all or gone for most of the event.  I guess it depends on if others would be offended??

    Post # 34
    Member
    3292 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Having had a baby myself, I now know why it’s nearly impossible for a breastfeeding mom to leave her infant. She needs to be with that child more or less constantly during the first few months. If she misses a feeding, she will HAVE to pump or risk pain and even infection (I got mastitis in both breasts once because I missed a punping session–not fun at all). It’s a medical necessity. So I’d certainly make an exception for her and let her have her infant with her. 

    I also wouldn’t worry about noise–young babies sleep a TON, are not easily disturbed (loud background noise reminds them of the womb), and generally are pretty easy to ignore (from your perspective, not the parents’). 

    As for the bachelorette party, I’d just tell her what you’re thinking. Since she’s throwing it for you, you don’t really get to dictate it, but you can certainly let her know what you’d like if she brings it up. Also, I’m assuming the party will be before she gives birth? That’ll make everything easier for her!

    She sounds like a good friend; try to cut her some slack. It truly is not easy juggling commitments to your friends and your responsibilities to your children. I know!

    Post # 35
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Just because she’s Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t mean she has to plan and be the center of the bachelorette, etc.  I wouldn’t ask her to step down from being the one who stands beside you.  Really other friends or bridesmaids could step up and plan a different bachelorette.  Regarding the newborn I think the difference is that others with a new born you aren’t as close to just might not attend. If you want her there you probably have to bend the rules.

    Post # 37
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2015

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    TXbride2015:  

     

    I have been following this thread hoping to get some advice for my own sitatution which is very similar to yours. One of my bridesmaids announced a few weeks ago that she is pregnant. Soon after her announcement she texted me asking if I could choose my wedding date based on what would work the best for her. My fiance and I had a 3 month period that we were considering for our wedding date. The date we chose was going to be based on whether the venue we wanted would be available. She told me that for 3 months following the birth of her child she would not want to leave the house very much, and that it would be really helpful if I could make the wedding while she was still pregnant. We did not choose a date based on this request. It ended up that the venue was only available after the birth of her child. My bridesmaid already has a 2.5 year old son as well.

    I just wanted to say that I totally get where you are coming from. All the concerns you have voiced are exactly the things that I am trying to figure out as well. Without anything against people having babies- it’s really hard to let go of the vision that you have for your wedding. When you have a pregnant bridal party member it really does change everything. It changes what you thought this time would look like, and adds another thing for you to consider as you plan. 

     

    It’s easy for people to say just let it all go and see how it turns out. But when you have a vision and want someone who you love and are very close to to be apart of every part of your wedding and they can’t be. It’s hard. You have to adjust your expectations for something that you want nothing more than to be a great experience.

    I still haven’t decided what I am going to do. Most people in my life think I should ask her to step down. I have 4 other bridesmaids all childless who all think she should step down. It seems that people with children and people without children all have really different opinions on what I should do. There is way more to that than the fact that she will have a baby. As with all longterm friendhips there is lots of history of both sides.

    I hope you are able to come to a decision that works best for you….regardless of what people think you should do, you have to do what feels best for you. 

     

     

     

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

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    TXbride2015:  so i’m tardy to this party but figured i’d throw my 2 cents in. 

    as for the toddler (since you said the newborn is less of a concern): what arrangements are your other family members making? could you possibly refer your Maid/Matron of Honor to a sitter that these family members are using?

    the bach party is something that she’s doing for you because she loves you–i think it’s less about her trying to make it convenient for herself, and more about trying to take into consideration that if y’all do a huge out all night drinking dancing thing, there’s a good chance she won’t be able to be part of it. but maybe she knows she can do dinner and a spa day? maybe that’s what she wanted at hers, and got a beach condo? who knows. she doesn’t have to do any of it, so for that i’d be thankful and gracious and enjoy that time with your friends, regardless of setting. then if you still want to go out and do more of a wild night/clubbing thing, call up your friends for a last fling and do it! 🙂

    finally, the biggest thing is that you need to just prioritize how important it is for you to have her by your side. if it’s not a priority, then give her an out on Maid/Matron of Honor, hope it doesn’t affect your friendship, and get one of your BMs to be Maid/Matron of Honor that will throw you these huge showers and not have to breastfeed. if it is a priority for her to be by your side at the wedding as Maid/Matron of Honor, then help her be there. sounds like she’s trying to make sure that you not only have a bach party, but is trying to make sure she can be at your wedding, too. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    944 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I read your orgininal post and some of the comments. If I repeat something, sorry about that. You need to ask yourself some questions. How close are you to your MOH? How much will it mean, 5, 10, 20 years down the road that she was or was not in your wedding? Do you think it would cause problems if you asked her to step down? Do you have another nonpregnant bridesmaid that would be willing to plan a bach party for you if the Maid/Matron of Honor planned your shower? Your Maid/Matron of Honor is newly pregnant and sounds so stressed out. It sounds like she doesn’t know what she should do, and she is trying to be honest with you. That’s the good part. If she could find a sitter for her toddler and bring the baby, that would be the most ideal. I am sure there would be a guest during the ceremony that would love to hold the baby. Your Maid/Matron of Honor might not stay for the whole reception because of her new babe, but that would be pretty acceptable. I understand that you want an awesome bach party, and I don’t blame you. That’s why you should ask one of your other bridesmaids to plan it. Or, talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and ask her if she would rather just be a bridesmaid. It might take a load off from her and she could still be a part of your big day without all the responsibilities of being Maid/Matron of Honor. 

    The topic ‘Concerns about my Pregnant MOH’ is closed to new replies.

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